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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29311626">intoxicated</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/NottMickeyMouse/pseuds/NottMickeyMouse'>NottMickeyMouse</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Dark, F/M, Love, Magic, Sad</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 08:47:08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>68,675</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29311626</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/NottMickeyMouse/pseuds/NottMickeyMouse</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>"she was intoxicated by it<br/>she wanted it<br/>she never needed anything<br/>more than the person<br/>carrying that scent"</p><p> </p><p>Six years after the Battle of Hogwarts Hermione comes to a realization when she doesn't seem to smell Ron in the Amortentia the night before her wedding. She finds herself but ends up returning home after an unexpected event. Her life seems to change once she returns, and is it for the better?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Hermione Granger/Draco Malfoy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>18</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Amortentia</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Hello and welcome to my book. I just wanted to have a quick introduction and such because I'm new to ao3. </p><p>This book was originally published on Wattpad but I have decided to also bring it here along with my other stories. </p><p>I got inspiration from senlinyu and her book Manacled so some of these things may be similar, yeah. It's not as dark but some parts can be dark. </p><p>The Harry Potter world was created by J.K. Rowling and all credit for the characters goes to her. I do not agree with anything she says, she just made it so I had to put that in there.</p><p>Enjoy intoxicated :)</p><p>__________________________________</p><p>"Are you ready for tomorrow?" He said, wrapping his arms around Hermione's waist.</p><p>She made him jump and drop the plate she was washing. She quickly turned around in his arms and he was smirking at her.</p><p>"Yes," she said with a smile.</p><p>He brushed a strand of her bushy hair away and tucked it behind her ear. This made her blush and she didn't fight his arms.</p><p>"I can't believe you're going to be my wife in less than twenty-four hours. I can't wait to marry you." He brushed his nose against Hermione's and she blushed even more.</p><p>"It feels surreal," she replied. She couldn't believe that she ever had a chance with this boy. She had loved him ever since the third year but kept it quiet because she was sure he wouldn't want any of it. She worked hard and loved hard for this boy and now this boy would become her husband.</p><p>"What? That you will be a Mrs?" He laughed. He placed a hand on her cheek and stared at her like he was staring at the most beautiful thing in the world.</p><p>"Just these past six years have gone by so fast and now I'm marrying you, it just feels surreal. I always wondered if I would ever be with you, as much as a girlfriend even." She loved this boy more than anything, the way he would always fight with her, the way he always ended up being convinced by her, the stolen kisses, the nights alone in his bed doing things his mom very much disapproved of.</p><p>"Well, thankfully you were my girlfriend and now you will be my wife." He winked.</p><p>"I was always jealous of Ginny marrying Harry but honestly it's better that we're getting married after them."</p><p>"No need to be jealous. Don't worry, Mione, I'll still treat you the same, except at night." He laughed.</p><p>She felt her face turn red.</p><p>She reached up and placed her hands through his hair and pulled him closer to her. Their lips met and suddenly they were passionately kissing each other. She always loved the feeling of his smooth, warm lips upon hers. She wanted to touch him, kiss him forever, but he tended to only let her do those things when they were alone. She had memorized the feeling of his lips, the way they would move against hers, and the way they would both melt into each other every time their lips met.</p><p>He suddenly picked her up and she wrapped her legs around his torso. He placed her on the counter and they were in an intense need for each other.</p><p>He kept kissing her. His lips went down her jaw and her neck. She left her hands in his hair as he kept kissing her neck.</p><p>She pulled him up to where their eyes met and in less than a second they were already kissing each other once again.</p><p>He stopped with heavy breathing and said, "No one is home. Want to go to my room?" He asked.</p><p>Hermione started to blush but quickly nodded her head in agreement. She wasn't a very physical person with people other than him. She always had the need to touch him, but she never needed a hug from Ginny.</p><p>He kissed her again and picked her up off of the counter. She was thankful for him being strong enough to carry her body. She was fairly skinny and she was light. She didn't mind, it was easier for him to carry her.</p><p>The door creaked open and someone yelled, "RONALD WEASLEY!"</p><p>Right away their lips parted and Ron dropped Hermione on the ground. She stood there awkwardly as Ron rubbed his neck. She knew how awkward it was around Mrs. Weasley. That's why they barely showed physical affection during the day time.</p><p>"Hi, mum," Ron said. He smiled at her and she appraised Ron who laced his hand into Hermione's.</p><p>"What were you doing with, Hermione?" Mrs. Weasley asked.</p><p>Hermione knew that it was better if she kept quiet while Mrs. Weasley lectured Ron about everything he did.</p><p>"Snogging," Ron said quickly. He didn't hesitate to just admit that it was true.</p><p>"Well did you ask her permission?" Mrs. Weasley was always on Ron about respecting Hermione which was sweet but that never really drilled into Ron's brain.</p><p>"I was the one who initiated it," Hermione admitted. She didn't understand why Mrs. Weasley was very strict about Ron dating but she was.</p><p>"Oh okay." She immediately forgot the matter. "Ron, Harry is waiting for you by the car and Ginny will be in, in a few."</p><p>"Okay, thanks, mum," Ron said. "Bye, Mione, I'll see you when you walk down the aisle."</p><p>He leaned down and kissed her gently and Hermione knew that he didn't want to leave her, but to be fair she didn't want him to leave her.</p><p>"I'll be the one in white," she said. She smiled at him and he grabbed his coat, gave Mrs. Weasley a kiss on the cheek, and left out the front door with a wink for Hermione.</p><p>"Ron is such a sweetheart," Mrs. Weasley said.</p><p>She walked to the counter and started to put some food away that she must've gotten while she was out.</p><p>"You raised him right," Hermione said.</p><p>Mrs. Weasley placed her hands on Hermione's cheeks and gave her a kind smile, a motherly smile. "Thank you, dear."</p><p>The front door opened and Harry came in with Ginny. She rolled her eyes and Harry looked around the room very quickly, giving it a quick sweep. Ron was behind Harry rolling his eyes as well.</p><p>"Hey, Mione," Ginny said. Her red flaming hair was very beautiful and her brown eyes were full of love.</p><p>"Hey, Gin," Hermione said. She went up to Ginny and gave her a hug. "You're getting so big!" Hermione said.</p><p>Ginny was pregnant with her first child and was due in a few months.</p><p>Ginny gave Hermione a death glare.</p><p>"That's good, I'm not calling you fat," Hermione said. She rolled her eyes.</p><p>"Anyways I am fat and can't play quidditch anymore."</p><p>"It's for a good cause."</p><p>Hermione saw Harry and smiled at him. He smiled back. Hermione went up to him and pulled him into a big hug. Hermione knew Harry ever since Hogwarts and there wasn't a day that went by that she didn't see Harry. They were very close and he was the first person who knew that Hermione had been seeing Ron. He was the perfect friend, he was kind, thoughtful, and always wanted to help people.</p><p>"Congratulations, Mione. I always knew you and Ron would end up together," Harry said.</p><p>"Like I haven't heard that before." She pulled out of his hug and he was smiling so much. Recently Harry had been so happy with his life, true he had lost a lot of people while he was at Hogwarts but now he was married to Ginny and they were starting a family, he was welcomed into the Weasley's and he was a Weasley.</p><p>"Come on, you guys were made for each other," Harry reassured her.</p><p>"No need to gloat, Harry," Ron said. He was staring at her with his blue eyes that were always filled with the most love every time he looked at her.</p><p>"What can I say? I'm a matchmaker. I was the one who made you guys friends," Harry said proudly.</p><p>"Yes well, he always insulted me. I don't think you're the matchmaker I think Mrs. Weasley is," she said.</p><p>"No, dear, you and Ron are the ones who found each other, none of that 'I did it' crap," Mrs. Weasley said. She smiled proudly at her son. "Now off you go, boys, Arthur is waiting at the Three Broomsticks. Have fun." She waved them off with her arms.</p><p>Hermione went up to Ron before he left and gave him one last kiss which he graciously accepted from her. He placed a hand on her cheek and after they kissed they placed their foreheads against each other. He kissed the tip of her nose and said, "I'll see you later, my love."</p><p>And he was gone.</p><p>"He'll be back. He can't stay away all night, it's Ron," Ginny said.</p><p>Hermione turned around to face the two women. "It just doesn't feel real. If I told myself ten years ago that tomorrow I would be marrying Ron, I wouldn't believe myself. I'm going to be Hermione Weasley." She breathed.</p><p>"You should keep your maiden name," Ginny said. Ginny had taken up sitting at a bar stool by the counter, eating a cupcake that Mrs. Weasley had made for her.</p><p>"What? Like Hermione Granger-Weasley? Or just keep Hermione Granger, but say I'm married to Ron."</p><p>"Hyphenate it. I took Potter, but I almost hyphenated my name to Ginny Weasley-Potter, but you know it's cool when someone says, 'Potter? Like Harry Potter,'" Ginny said. She had a very mischievous face on.</p><p>"Honestly people don't come up to you and do that, Ginny," Hermione said.</p><p>"Dear, no one has ever said that," Mrs. Weasley said sweetly.</p><p>"You're right, they go, 'Ginny Potter? Are you Ginny Weasley? The best seeker to ever be on the Holyhead Harpies?' makes me proud." Ginny scrunched her nose up.</p><p>"Now people do say that to you," Hermione said. "All I get is, 'Hermione Granger? Like the Hermione Granger? Harry Potter's best friend?' It's absolutely pathetic, I only get recognized because of Harry. You, Gin, get recognized because you were a seeker on a professional quidditch team."</p><p>"True, my life trumps all of yours," Ginny said with a laugh.</p><p>"And why so?"</p><p>Mrs. Weasley left the room randomly to go get ready for the party which left Ginny and Hermione in the kitchen.</p><p>"Well first of all I am a Weasley, a very popular wizarding family because of what they did for the war. Oh, and I became a professional quidditch player. I married Harry Potter and I'm pregnant with his son. Oh also I had so many boyfriends in school," Ginny said with a sweet smile.</p><p>"Back up a minute."</p><p>"Why?"</p><p>"Did you say son?"</p><p>Ginny turned white and looked awkwardly at Hermione. "Yeah."</p><p>"Ginny! Congratulations! This is amazing! I'm going to be an aunt to a little boy! I'm spoiling him rotten. When did you find out?"</p><p>"Just last week, but don't tell anyone, only mum, Harry, you, and I know and we plan on having a party for."</p><p>"Have you guys thought of any names?"</p><p>Ginny placed a hand on her baby bump and stroked it. She looked at it with a big smile on her face.</p><p>"We were thinking James Sirius, of course, Harry came up with it, but I kind of love the sentiment to the name, it's cute."</p><p>"It is. I love that Harry wants to name his son after his father and father figure."</p><p>Ginny kept looking at her stomach and immediately snapped out of it. "Today is about you, not me. Now Luna should be here soon so let's get this party started."</p><p>Mrs. Weasley came back downstairs and Ginny grabbed the bottle of firewhiskey to put on the table, but Mrs. Weasley snatched it out of her hands.</p><p>"Ginevra Molly Potter, you are not to be drinking firewhiskey, you're carrying my grandchild," Mrs. Weasley said fiercely.</p><p>"Mum, I wasn't going to drink it, I know better than that. What, you don't trust me?" Ginny teased.</p><p>"Not at the moment."</p><p>Mrs. Weasley placed that and the trays of food on the little coffee table in the crowded living room and Ginny sat down on the couch and put her feet on the table.</p><p>"Feet off the table!" Mrs. Weasley said.</p><p>Ginny lugged her feet off the table and placed them on the ground.</p><p>There was a knock at the door and Mrs. Weasley ran to the door. She opened it and Luna Lovegood came in. She had a smile on her face and a gift bag.</p><p>"Welcome, Luna," Mrs. Weasley. She gave Luna a hug and Luna laughed lightly.</p><p>"Thank you for inviting me, Mrs. Weasley," Luna said gracefully.</p><p>Luna hadn't changed since Hogwarts, the war didn't make her darker. She still had her beautiful sweet, flowing voice, and her skip in her step. She kept a positive attitude all the time and didn't even seem sad.</p><p>"Of course, dear, take a seat." Mrs. Weasley gestured to the living room.</p><p>Luna walked in and Hermione went up and gave her a hug.</p><p>"Thank you for coming, Luna, it means a lot to me," Hermione said.</p><p>"You're welcome, I always wanted to see you get married. I could tell you guys were going to end up together," she said sweetly.</p><p>"Hey, Luna," Ginny said from the couch. She was refusing to stand up because of her swollen ankles.</p><p>"Hello, Ginny, your skin is glowing," Luna said.</p><p>"First time I heard that. Harry likes to call me a stork," Ginny chuckled.</p><p>"What?" Hermione laughed.</p><p>"I don't know what they do, he tried to explain it to me, I just don't get it," Ginny said.</p><p>"Well, a stork is in the muggle world is a bird and what they apparently do is deliver babies to someone's doorstep. Parents tend to tell their children that that is where babies come from, till they are exposed to it by the school or the talk."</p><p>"So Harry has been calling me a baby delivering bird?"</p><p>"I guess so."</p><p>For the next few hours, the girls enjoyed their food and opened gifts. Hermione had received a lovely necklace from Ginny with the letters H and R on it. Hermione thanked her. Mrs. Weasley gave her a veil that Ginny wore and Hermione was going to wear. And Luna had given her a plant that was supposed to unclog pores. Hermione was so thankful for that.</p><p>"Now, Hermione, I have a little thing that I'd love for you to take a sniff of," Mrs. Weasley said. She went and brought back a closed cauldron.</p><p>"Are we doing the Amortentia thing that we did with Ginny?" she asked.</p><p>"Of course."</p><p>Mrs. Weasley pulled off the top of the cauldron and the smell filled the room. All of the girls had felt instantly happy as Mrs. Weasley smelt Mr. Weasley, Ginny smelt Harry, Luna had smelled Rolf Scamander her fiance, but Hermione didn't smell anything that smelt like Ron. She didn't know why it didn't smell the way Ron did, it was off. She was trying to figure out what she smelled.</p><p>"What do you smell, dear?" Mrs. Weasley asked in anticipation.</p><p>"Come on, Mione," Ginny said.</p><p>Hermione's breathing quickened and she knew that it didn't smell like Ron, parts did, but it wasn't the smell of Ron. She hesitated over her words.</p><p>"Roses, peppermint, green apples, and rich cologne."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Second Thoughts</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Rich cologne?" Ginny said curiously.</p><p>Mrs. Weasley looked taken aback and Hermione felt it too. "I'm sure you're just not smelling right."</p><p>"That's probably it. I think I have a cold coming," Hermione said quickly. On the inside, Hermione was freaking out more than she could ever imagine. She couldn't bear the thought of not smelling Ron in the Amortentia. She thought she smelt him in it in the sixth year, but maybe she'd been wrong. She knew that it smelt like Ron last time, she knew it. But she was slowly thinking that she might not actually know it.</p><p>She was scanning her mind and she bet she looked very flustered as she kept trying to think about who would possibly smell the way that potion smelled. She didn't lie to herself and she knew whoever it was they smelt heavenly, like the most beautiful smelling thing in the world. She didn't want to think of the consequences when she would find this person who wasn't Ron.</p><p>"Hermione? Hermione?" Ginny said. She had grabbed her arms and was shaking her back and forth. Hermione knew she had gotten lost in her thoughts.</p><p>"I'm sorry. I- um, I'm to bed. Thank you for the gifts, we've got a big day tomorrow," she said dryly.</p><p>She didn't wait for anyone to say anything before she ran up the stairs to go and take a shower. She let the warm water soothe her tense muscles. She scrubbed herself very hard as she wanted to get the thoughts of the smell out of her head. She loved that smell and she wanted to know who that person was. There was always a need for Hermione to want to know what was going on, what was happening, the science behind it. She wanted to find them, to see them, to see if they had the same effect on her that the potion did.</p><p>She thought of Ron and smiled to herself. She loved Ron, she knew she did. She loved Ron with all her heart and more and she couldn't bear the thought of her leaving him to find this one person. She wanted Ron to show up the next day sporting that same scent. She needed it. She knew if Ron didn't smell like that she'd be so curious and leave him in a rush of events. She was so curious to find this person and she couldn't banish the thought.</p><p>She thought of her and Ron's kiss in the kitchen, about how gentle yet aggressive he'd been with her. He would stroke her cheek lightly, plant kissed on her lips, her jaw, her neck. She could still feel the swiftness and warmness of his lips upon hers. She always wanted more of him, everything.</p><p>She wanted to marry him, but now thousands of doubts were flooding through her mind at a million miles an hour. She was determined to put on the white dress, the veil, the makeup, and do her hair. She was determined to take her father's arm and he kisses her cheek before giving her away to Ron. She was determined to stand there at the altar and say 'I do' to Ron. She was determined to kiss him and become Hermione Weasley. She was determined to do it. She wanted to do it.</p><p>But every time she thought of that future she would remember the smell again. The richness of the cologne burned her nostrils in a needy way. She could just picture a man's body that smelt like it as she curled up to his chest. She didn't know this man but she could picture it.</p><p>The roses. She could smell roses from a garden with a man standing by her side, holding onto her hand as she sniffs them. Him taking a rose and giving it to her. A trail of roses leading up to a gazebo lit with torches. She could picture a bath with rose petals littered in the tub with the man holding onto her and caressing her, kissing her neck.</p><p>The peppermint. She could smell it and picture his breath upon her face. She could feel it. Their lips clashing together and the taste of peppermint upon his tongue. She wanted to taste the peppermint herself.</p><p>The green apples. That was the strangest smell to her. She could picture a nice spring day, picking apples and not being able to reach the branches and him wrapping his arms around her waist and picking her up so she can pick the apple. She could picture a flour fight as an apple pie is being made in the oven and the squeals of laughter coming from both of them.</p><p>She wanted more than anything in this world to meet the boy that smelt like everything to her. She knew these smells were only from her dreams. She wanted them. She needed them.</p><p>The water had gone cold and Hermione wrapped a towel around herself. She looked in the mirror and dried her wet hair with a spell she learned.</p><p>She looked in the mirror and saw someone who had been through a lot. She had been through a war and now she was so focused on figuring out who this man was. She kept urging herself that it was Ron, but she didn't know if she believed herself.</p><p>The doorknob turned and Ron was leaning against the wall in some sort of daze. He appraised her up and down and she remembered she was just in a towel.</p><p>"Hello, lovely," he said with a wink.</p><p>He walked up to her and wrapped his arms around her waist and she stared at his face that she used to want to hold in her hands all the time, but her mind was consumed with the Amortenia. He smelt like firewhiskey as his face was so close to hers.</p><p>"How was your evening, love?" he asked. He purposely made his voice deeper, clearly to seduce Hermione.</p><p>"It was rather pleasant," she replied. She knew she needed to keep her mouth shut, she didn't want Ron to know that she didn't smell him in the Amortentia. She knew the consequences would end up with that person dead on the side of the street or at least begging for their life.</p><p>"Tell me about it," he smirked. He kept inching closer and closer to her, closing the gap, squeezing her hips.</p><p>"Well-" she was cut off when he abruptly started to kiss her with so much intensity. She didn't melt into his touch but let him kiss her with his hands running and down her body.</p><p>His lips made their way to her jaw and he looked down at her breasts and he abruptly took the towel off of her and Hermione was standing there naked.</p><p>She kept her eyes open as he kissed her with his hands held onto her breast. She held his shoulders and let him do it. Her mind was racing, she felt so alive yet she felt that suddenly this wasn't the person she should be doing this with. She didn't know if she wanted him as badly as she used to want him, but he clearly wanted her just as much.</p><p>He broke away from her and did a non-verbal spell and it felt like an egg was dripping down from her head, down her back, and down her legs. She knew he put a disillusionment spell on her so he could carry her to his room. And he did just that. He found her quickly and grabbed her hand and led her out into the hallway. He went towards his tiny cramped room and locked the door, placing a soundproof charm around the room.</p><p>He took off the charm on Hermione and then picked her up and put her on his bed as he took off his shirt slowly.</p><p>"Ron!" Hermione said out of the blue as he watched her with a mischievous grin. "Are you drunk?" She felt a little exposed as she just realized he was stripping down. It didn't feel right, the way that it should be. The way that it used to be.</p><p>"I had a few glasses of firewhiskey," he said in a grumbled voice.</p><p>She knew he was lying and she knew that when Mr. Weasley left that Harry and Ron probably had a few more rounds. She didn't care that he went out for his bachelor party, but she didn't want him to have a major hangover.</p><p>"May I?" he asked. He was asking Hermione if he was allowed to join her in bed. Even when he was drunk, he was a sweetheart.</p><p>She looked around the room and gave in. She pulled him closer to him and he climbed on top of her and felt every part of her. His hands wandered places that would've normally made Hermione feel a buzz, but now it just made her feel uncomfortable, unsure. He wanted her, every part of her, but she now felt no need for him, for she wanted the person she smelt in the Amortentia.</p><p>***</p><p>Hermione woke up with Ron's arms encasing her. She didn't struggle but just laid there peacefully. She wouldn't dare think of the night before, but she tried to think of the day ahead. She tried to picture herself in her white flowing gown with her veil that held small diamonds and lace flowers all over it.</p><p>She couldn't see it with Ron anymore. Even though the past night had been very enjoyable in some aspects, she never forgot the smell. She tried her hardest to pay attention to the man that was having sex with her, but she couldn't. She felt him back, but she never really meant any of it.</p><p>She wanted to know how everything changed so quickly. She knew that only twelve hours ago she was hopelessly in love with him and craving all of him and only twelve hours later she was wishing to see the man that smelled so wonderful to her and she didn't feel the need for Ron anymore. She couldn't bear the thought of leaving Ron, but she knew she wouldn't be able to say 'I do' if she didn't mean it.</p><p>There was a tap on the door but Hermione couldn't move because Ron's arms were holding her tightly. She wasn't struggling, she just stayed.</p><p>She was just about to speak when the door flew open and Hermione grabbed the sheets and pulled them up past her breasts and Ron was startled awake.</p><p>"What happened to 'I won't have sex with Hermione?'" Harry said. He wasn't even phased by the situation that he had walked into, he seemed quite bored, to be honest.</p><p>"Turn off the lights," Ron said in a sleepy voice. He squinted towards Harry but kept an arm on Hermione's waist.</p><p>She wanted to tell him to take it off of her, but she didn't say anything and just suffered in silence.</p><p>"Ron, you're hungover and you said last night you wouldn't have sex with Hermione, and here you are." He flung his hands up dramatically. "You are naked in bed with Hermione."</p><p>"It's also bad luck on the wedding day," Ginny said. She had popped her head in and she was wearing some sweatpants and one of Harry's jumpers. Her hair was put into a towel and she was laughing.</p><p>"Screw luck, Gin," Harry said. "We've never been lucky."</p><p>Everyone nodded in unison.</p><p>"Get up, Ron, Mione. Just get up because you guys are getting married," Harry said with a proud smile on his face. "My babies, all grown up," he said, wiping away some fake tears. He scrunched his nose up and closed the door behind him.</p><p>"We should get up," Hermione said. She rolled over to see Ron and his freckled face laying on the pillow with a smile.</p><p>He didn't say anything so Hermione slipped from his arms and put on a shirt of his and sweatpants and walked into the hallway. She went downstairs to the kitchen where Mrs. Weasley was cooking a big breakfast.</p><p>"Good morning, dear," she said with the biggest smile in the world.</p><p>"Good morning, Mrs. Weasley." Hermione went up to her and gave her a kiss on the cheek and Mrs. Weasley pulled her into a bone-crushing hug. She could feel Mrs. Weasley's tears soaking into Ron's shirt, but Hermione patted her on the back in comfort.</p><p>Mrs. Weasley pulled out of the hug and wiped away her tears and said, "Eat quickly, we need to get to the chapel."</p><p>Hermione had requested to do a muggle wedding and Mrs. Weasley quickly agreed to it. She was going to get ready at the church and she wasn't very excited about it.</p><p>Hermione ate her food quickly and made her way up to Ginny's old room and changed into some jeans and a jumper. She folded Ron's clothes and placed them on his bed. She looked around the room and picked up the clothes he had torn off the night before. She sighed and closed the door behind her.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Running</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Hermione arrived at the church and took in the snow that covered the ground in a light coat. She wanted a spring wedding, but Ron had bugged her about having a winter wedding so she gave in and let him have it. She wanted a wedding where the floral scent would fill the air as there would be flowers everywhere and the sun shining down in the sky.</p><p>She wrapped her coat around herself tighter and walked up the steps.</p><p>She tried her hardest to keep the thoughts away, to lock them up, and tell them to never come back. She knew this wasn't normal cold feet because it felt so real. She knew people with cold feet would normally start freaking out about their wedding and how their partner might leave them if they weren't a good enough spouse. She wasn't doing that, she was mildly thinking about leaving Ron. She knew Ron would be broken if she left him, and they had come so far, she didn't know if she could bear it. But her mind always came back to the scent of the potion. She was intoxicated by it, she wanted it. She never needed anything more than the person carrying that scent. She was entirely drunk with the scent. She wanted to keep a vial with her at all times and smell it whenever she could like it was an obsession.</p><p>She squeezed her eyes tightly shut as she pulled the door of the church open. When she went in people were decorating and running around. There were groomsmen wearing shorts and practicing spells in the corner with their suits on, they were ready way too early.</p><p>Charlie spotted her and approached her. He smiled at her and said, "How's the lovely bride this wonderful winter day?" He took her hand and kissed it to show some sort of sign of welcoming her.</p><p>She pulled her hand away and smiled at him lightly. "I'm doing okay."</p><p>He looked right through and said, "Cold feet?"</p><p>"No, nothing of the sort." She wasn't going to admit her incident. "Look I really should be going."</p><p>Charlie nodded and Hermione made her way to the bridal suite. The white flowers and mistletoe lined the wall. It felt very Christmassy, but she didn't mind as much.</p><p>She got into the suite and Ginny was by a mirror doing her hair with her wand. She was wearing a muggle robe and was smiling in the mirror.</p><p>"There's the bride," Ginny said. She came up to Hermione and gave her a big hug.</p><p>Hermione hugged her back and started to sob into her arm.</p><p>"What's wrong?" Ginny asked. She started to stroke her hair.</p><p>She didn't want to tell Ginny. She couldn't. But the reason she was crying was that she had made up her mind as to what she was going to do. She didn't know if she could do it. She knew she would regret it forever and she knew there was no way of getting out of it. She needed to do this to keep him happy. She thought of Ron and knew it was the right thing to do.</p><p>"Nothing." Hermione pulled out of the hug and Ginny handed her a tissue. She wiped her eyes with the painful dread in the pit of her stomach.</p><p>"Cold feet?" Ginny held her shoulders and watched her hiccup with leftover sobs.</p><p>"Something like that," Hermione replied.</p><p>"Look I got cold feet before I married Harry because I thought that I would never be able to meet his expectations."<br/>"Ginny, you're perfect and Harry had been in love with you forever."</p><p>"The thing is, Mione, is that when I first had a crush on Harry he was the famous wizard who was my brother's best friend and I was utterly obsessed with him. I had even written him a song. Anyways on my wedding day, I thought that he wouldn't want me because I didn't contribute to the war as much as him, I didn't do as much, I wasn't as great as him. So I got cold feet, I was scared. But once I started to walk down the aisle I saw Harry look at me like I was the most beautiful person alive and once I saw him look at me, once I saw him cry, once he held my hands in his, all my doubts were gone and I knew Harry would love me forever and he would never stop. He had a look something that I'll never forget and Ron will have that same look on his face once you are holding onto your father's arm and walking down the aisle."</p><p>She wanted to see her happy with Ron, but it was now almost impossible as the Amortentia now consumed her mind constantly. She could picture a future with that person, but she never seemed to get it right. She bounced back and forth from thinking about Ron to whoever the person with that scent was. It was consuming her. Every last drop of her thought about this person and it never stopped. They were on her mind constantly and she was scared to be.</p><p>"It's just- last night, the Amortentia, it didn't smell much like Ron," Hermione admitted. She didn't break and tell her that she had a hard time even being able to cope with the fact that she didn't know if Ron could ever actually smell like that.<br/>"That was probably nothing, you were probably just smelling things and mum probably brewed it wrong," Ginny reassured her.</p><p>"What did you smell?"</p><p>"Well, broomsticks, maple syrup, and rain. The same one I smelled in the sixth year in Professor Slughorn's class."</p><p>"Harry does smell like that, but does Ron smell like peppermint? Roses? Green apples? Rich cologne. Ginny, I'm scared that I didn't smell Ron in the Amortentia and I'm scared of what that will do to me."</p><p>"Mum bakes apple pies all the time, we have a rose garden at the burrow, Ron brushes his teeth, and maybe Harry bought Ron a cologne for today."</p><p>Hermione realized a lot of the things she smelled in the Amortentia would appear in the Weasley household, but Ron never smelt like that. He had more of a tree scent to him like fall.</p><p>"You're right. It could've been Ron I smelled."</p><p>"It was Ron."</p><p>Hermione lifted her head from her hands and looked at Ginny. "How sure are you?"<br/>"Hermione, you and Ron were made for each other. I remember mum muttering to me in the third year about how you argue like an old married couple and how even if he was young at the time you guys sure seemed made for each other."</p><p>"I've been so stupid."</p><p>"Why?"</p><p>"I've just been overthinking everything and now my head is filled with a million things and I'm getting married today and it doesn't feel real."</p><p>"Hermione, enough of the negative talk, okay? Now you're going to get ready and you're going to marry Ron." Ginny smiled at Hermione and took hold of her hand and dragged her to the makeup chair.</p><p>Through the next few hours, Ginny pampered Hermione while she put makeup on her. Her mom had come in and out and Mrs. Weasley paced around the room looking at her watch.</p><p>While Hermione was getting ready she tried to keep her thoughts positive and think about her decision. She knew she wouldn't be happy with what she was going to do and she knew eventually she would be happy, even excited. She knew she'd get her happy ending, even if it would take years and years to get she knew it would come.</p><p>Ginny put some makeup on Hermione to make her look more beautiful than her skinny, and fair self. She put on some brozenish eyeshadow, a thin line of eyeliner, and curled her lashes to where she put mascara on. She put some light pink lipsticks on her thin lips and Ginny had to clean up a bit because of how thin her lips were.</p><p>She put Hermione's hair half up and half down. She curled her down part of her hair and knotted the top in a braid-like fashion behind her head.</p><p>When the time came Hermione got up to put her dress on. She had refused to look in the mirror as she was getting ready because she didn't want to see the face of a person who was just about to do what she was. She was a monster and she couldn't look at herself straight. She knew that what she was going to do wouldn't kill anyone, but it would make her hate herself. She knew it wasn't as risky as a decision she may have made during the war, but it still would hurt her the same way.</p><p>Hermione slipped her clothes off and was careful of her hair and makeup. She looked on the wall to see her long white dress. She didn't know if she could put it on, she didn't know if she could do it. She started to breathe heavily while looking at the dress and a large amount of anxiety appeared around her. She wasn't ready. She couldn't do this. She could barely talk to people of higher rank than her at work and she knew she most certainly couldn't say the stuff she would say in front of a whole room full of her co-workers, her family, her friends.</p><p>She steadily took the dress off the hanger and slipped into it. She was now flooded with tulle around her. The dress was average size but flowed down her body. It had a light blush to the white color and a sweetheart neckline with sleeves that rested below her shoulders, there was a blush colored bow that tied up in the front.</p><p>She put her sneakers on because no one could see her feet and she stared at herself in the mirror. She did look fairly pretty with the makeup, the hair, and the dress. But she didn't see a blushing bride, she didn't see someone excited to walk down the aisle. All she saw was someone full of dread and that she seized up.</p><p>She steadied herself and stepped out of the room and looked as Ginny, Mrs. Weasley, her mom, and her dad were all staring at her in awe. She didn't look at their reactions and quickly ran to her bag. She opened it and saw a small vial of Draught of Peace. She quickly drank it and put the vial back in her bag. She felt a little at ease but she still was freaking out.</p><p>She turned around and they were still looking at her and she quickly turned her glance to her hands as she fiddled with them.</p><p>The door opened and Harry came in and quickly closed the door behind him. Hermione snapped her head up and Harry watched Hermione do so. His jaw almost dropped and he smiled at her.</p><p>"You look beautiful, Hermione," Harry said. Hermione flushed and Harry came and pulled her into a hug. She quickly squeezed back and tried not to try. She hated herself.</p><p>"Thank you," she said.</p><p>"Now, why I came here was," he huffed. "Malfoy is here." He rolled his eyes.</p><p>"Why's he here?" Ginny asked.</p><p>Hermione didn't care much that Malfoy was going to see her do what she was going to do. She could care less.</p><p>"I invited Astoria, I guess she brought him," Hermione answered.</p><p>"Why would you invite Malfoy's wife?" Harry asked. He seemed utterly confused.</p><p>"I tutored her back when I came back to re-do my seventh year. She struggled in a lot of subjects and we got along so I invited her. Do you have a problem with that?" Hermione crossed her arms.</p><p>"Well, a little. Not the friend thing, just the Malfoy thing."</p><p>"Malfoy won't bug us because he hates us."</p><p>"I should go. We're starting soon." Harry winked at Hermione and left out the door.</p><p>Hermione looked at her hands once again, but Mrs. Weasley placed her hands on Hermione's cheeks and smiled at her. Tears were running down her face. "You look wonderful, Hermione dear, but just one more thing."</p><p>Mrs. Weasley grabbed the veil she had given Hermione and slowly placed it in her hair, the veil was long and had beautiful white flowers on it. Hermione clenched her fists as she tried to restrain herself from breaking down into tears at any moment.</p><p>"There," Mrs. Weasley said. She smiled and Ginny was looking at her with a huge smile.</p><p>Ginny was wearing a deep purple bridesmaid dress that flowed down past her baby bump. It was off the shoulders and it fit Ginny's hair color perfectly.</p><p>"Are you ready?" Ginny asked with a smile.</p><p>Hermione breathed and then finally said, "Yes."</p><p>Ginny sighed.</p><p>"What?" Mrs. Weasley asked.</p><p>"We forgot about the booze I had bought."</p><p>"Ron and Hermione can have them after," Mrs. Weasley said. She winked towards Hermione and she swallowed a lump in her throat.</p><p>They all left the room after the music started playing and they waited outside the doors. Hermione stayed calmer than she thought she would be able to, but that was due to the draught of peace she took.</p><p>"You'll do great, monkey," her dad whispered. Hermione had grabbed his hand and she looked up at him with tears filling her eyes. She didn't want to do it. "Daddy bear loves you." He winked at her and she almost burst out crying.</p><p>The doors magically opened and everyone was standing up and watched as Mr. Granger started to walk Hermione down the aisle.</p><p>She didn't look at the people. She looked at Ron who had the biggest grin on his face and tears filling his eyes. Harry handed him a tissue and Ron only stared longer at Hermione. He stared at her like she was the only person in the world.</p><p>Hermione knew she couldn't do this. She wanted to pick up her dress and run out the doors and never come back but she kept her face straight. She hated herself. She hated every part of her. She hated her face. She hated her skin. She hated her hands. And she hated that damn Amortentia. She hated thinking about that scent, knowing it was pulling her away from where she was supposed to go. She loathed the scent more than ever but that scent brought her comfort and she wanted it close by.</p><p>They reached the pulpit and Mr. Granger gave Hermione a kiss on the cheek as he gave Hermione to Ron who pulled her up the stairs and held her eyes with his.</p><p>"You may now be seated," said an older wizard. "We are here today to witness the union of Miss Hermione Jean Granger and Mister Ronald Bilius Weasley. I will now start. Ronald Weasley, do you take Hermione Granger to be your lawfully wedded wife? To stand by her and hold onto her in sickness and in health, for richer or for poor? What is your answer?"</p><p>Ron smiled at her and he seemed the happiest person in the world.</p><p>"I do."</p><p>"And do you, Hermione Granger, take Ronald Weasley to be your lawfully wedded husband? To stand by him and hold onto him in sickness and in health, for richer or for poor? What is your answer?"</p><p>"I-I," she started to say. She watched Ron's eyes flicker a little bit as she stuttered over her words. She hated herself.</p><p>"I can't," she said. The audience gasped and Ginny froze looking at Hermione with a death glare. "I'm sorry, Ron, but I can't."</p><p>This time she grabbed her dress and ran out the doors. She didn't have her wand so she couldn't apparate away so she ran to the bridal suite.</p><p>She opened the doors and broke down crying as she squeezed her eyes shut and slumped against the wall. She couldn't believe that she actually did it. She had sacrificed a happy marriage to Ron for this boy that smelled like her Amortentia.</p><p>"Granger? Why are you here?" asked a chilling voice in a crude tone that reminded Hermione of all the death eaters, but she knew who it was, as they used to be a death eater.</p><p>Hermione looked up from her now makeup covered dress and saw Draco Malfoy staring at her with a flicker of concern in his look.</p>
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<a name="section0004"><h2>4. I'm Sorry</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Hermione saw the man that had bullied her at Hogwarts. The very man that was put on a mission to kill Dumbledore. She knew he was no good, but what was he doing in the bridal suite.</p><p>Hermione slowly stood up and looked at him warily. The man was still a shadow of his Hogwarts days, she could still see the broken boy. His platinum blond hair had grown a little longer and it flopped down into his eyes. He still had those ice grey eyes that were always filled with loathing at school, but this time they were disgruntled and confused. His sharp jaw was clenched in a line and Hermione looked at the floor.</p><p>"Granger," he snarled. Hermione was slightly filled with relief as she knew that this boy hadn't lost his hatred for her. "Do I need to repeat myself?" He said in more of a demanding tone.</p><p>Hermione snapped her head up to look at him and he was across the room by the alcohol Ginny had bought.</p><p>"No. I'm-I'm-"</p><p>"You should be at the altar," he said.</p><p>He sneered down at her and she realized just how tall he was. He was much taller than her. He seemed almost better looking than her, like the war didn't taint him, but bring him out brighter than before. She knew the war took a toll on Malfoy and it tore his family apart. He knew that he was not a good man, but it seemed odd that he was talking to her.</p><p>"I-I left. I ditched," she said absentmindedly.</p><p>She walked over to her bag and pulled her wand out. She wanted to change out of her big dress and take her veil off, but Malfoy was in the room with her and she couldn't risk him watching her change.</p><p>"Of course you did," he said in a hard tone.</p><p>It was surprising to Hermione as he kept a straight face and showed no emotions. She figured it was because he was always in the presence of Voldemort and therefore had to lock his mind away from him. He showed no slip in his emotions and when Hermione looked back on the sixth year she never really saw any emotion erupt from him.</p><p>"What do you mean 'of course I did'?" She was almost sure no one saw it coming.</p><p>Malfoy took a second to talk as he grabbed a small cup and poured some firewhiskey into it. He offered a cup to Hermione, but she kindly declined it.</p><p>"You were torn," he said. He sipped his drink and didn't flinch as the firewhiskey burnt in the back of his throat. "I saw it. You need to be able to keep your mind locked so no one else goes through it."</p><p>"Well I don't know Occlumency so I can't and I'm guessing you invaded my privacy and used Legilimency on me."</p><p>"10 points to Gryffindor."</p><p>"Why are you here?"</p><p>"Wouldn't you like to know, Granger," he scoffed. He was dangerously sneering at her, but she didn't care, she had known Malfoy for too long for those sneers to affect her.</p><p>"I would. Why are you in my bridal suite? And why are you even at my wedding?"</p><p>"Well it's not your wedding anymore, is it, Granger? You ditched him. I didn't think you had the guts."<br/>Hermione didn't respond and she only rolled her eyes while Malfoy grimaced.</p><p>"I'm here because you invited my wife and I'm in your bridal suite because I didn't want to sit through a long ceremony full of Weasley's crying over their precious little Weasley who would be getting married today." He grumbled a little.</p><p>Hermione's relationship with Malfoy was not very good. He tended to work around Hermione as he was an Auror somehow. Hermione was the Head of the Department of the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures and Malfoy was always given the Auror missions that required him to deal with Magical Creatures. She tended just to ignore his glares at work and his eye rolls when he was told to do something he simply didn't want to do. He was a selfish prat.</p><p>"That still doesn't explain why you snuck into the bridal suite." She rolled her eyes once again.</p><p>"I wanted booze. I had a rough day yesterday at the Ministry."</p><p>"Aw, poor baby Malfoy. He had a bad day, he's never going to survive," she said sarcastically.</p><p>"Shut it, Granger," he snarled.</p><p>"So your wife insisted on you coming to a wedding where you read the brides mind and found out that she was going to ditch the altar and you didn't want to see the groom's family sulk about it so you came into the bridal suite and drank the alcohol that the bridesmaid had gotten for her. Wow, what an eventful day."</p><p>"You know I couldn't find why you wanted to leave, Weasley. I don't care too much to know about, but as you know I like to get all the details."</p><p>A hair wasn't out of place as he stared down at Hermione. She didn't remove her wand from her hand because she was quite ready to hex him and throw him across the room.</p><p>"You understand I am your superior?"</p><p>"Only at work." He walked closer to her and he clearly was trying to cause her to break down and spill all her feelings to him. She knew what he was trying to do as he always did this at work to any female who came across him. It was like a cheap way of getting around being nice to people.</p><p>"Look, Malfoy, I'm going to get changed and I'm going to go to the Leaky Cauldron. Now if you want answers you will leave me alone till I'm ready and then maybe I'll tell you. But I'm really not in the mood." She tried to give him a death glare but he only lightly snorted as he looked at Hermione.</p><p>"Get changed then." He had such a straight expression that she didn't know if Malfoy was serious or not.</p><p>"What?"</p><p>He kept his face straight. "You heard me. Get changed."</p><p>"Get out," she replied.</p><p>She looked at him with a more gruesome look as she was now infuriated by him.</p><p>"It would be my pleasure," he growled back. He quickly left out the door and closed it behind him.</p><p>She threw her wand at the ground and tore off the veil. She collapsed on the sofa and put her face in her hands.</p><p>She didn't want to face the consequences of what she did. She didn't know if she could look at Ron the same way for the rest of her life. She knew Ron would now never want to talk to her again and she would understand because even though her best friends were Ron and Harry, she knew they wouldn't want to talk to her because she left Ron, because she followed what her heart was saying.</p><p>She clung to the Amortentia as she breathed in the room around her and smelt that cologne she so badly wanted to smell all the time. She could smell it and she sighed in relief. She was so happy that she could smell it, that it was possible for her to smell it again. She savored the smell of the room and slowly breathed in and out.</p><p>She slipped her dress off and went back into her muggle jeans and a jumper. She quickly used magic to take her makeup off and put her hair into a ponytail.</p><p>The door creaked and someone was slipping into the room. It was Ron and he was standing there trying his hardest not to look in Hermione's direction. She felt even more horrible and she tried to hold to tears back but they swam through her vision.</p><p>"Ron."</p><p>He looked up briefly and saw that his face was covered in dry tears. He looked at her in the saddest way, she wanted to go and give him a hug, but she remembered that she left him, she left him to go.</p><p>"I-I-I just wanted to know why," he said slowly. He could barely keep his face on her as he would look down at the ground.</p><p>"Sit down please." She choked back a sob.</p><p>He sat down and left a big gap between them and Hermione saw his face closer and his eyes still brimmed with tears, but not of happiness anymore, but of sadness. She felt truly awful, but she understood her consequences when she first made up her mind.</p><p>She wasn't sure if she could tell him why she left him. She didn't know if she could help herself from taking pity upon him and marrying him right there and then. She needed to find the man, she wanted to. She wanted to see Ron happy with someone who would actually make him happy for the rest of his days instead of Hermione who was determined to find the man that she could just smell.</p><p>She reached out for his hand but he quickly drew it into his pants pocket. She knew she couldn't touch him anymore, she needed to restrain herself from him.</p><p>She let that sink in for a minute as no one talked. She was so used to having him when she was starved of touch when she wanted a hug when he wanted to cry on someone's shoulder. She always had him to do that with and he didn't fight it, never. Some part of her almost fell apart when he moved his hand back, she wasn't used to this. She was used to her grabbing his hand and him pulling her into his arms and giving her a hug, holding her as she buried her head into his chest.</p><p>"Tell me," he said. He seemed broken and lost as he wasn't expecting Hermione to do that.</p><p>"Well, I-I left because I-I've been consumed by this raging fire inside of me that has pulled me and I'm stuck. I'm stuck." She didn't know if she could admit what it was, she didn't know if she could hold it in. "I smelled some Amortentia and I-it didn't smell like you. And I didn't know what overcame me but I thought, I thought so hard and all I thought about is what I smelled. The love of my life. And Ron I'm not leaving you because I wanted to get away or that I lost feelings. I never did, I never lost any feelings for you. I just knew that if I married you I would spend every day of my life wondering if we were meant to be, constantly looking for answers, searching for him. I would doubt our love and I would probably start resenting you and I just wanted to spare the heartbreak.</p><p>"Now I want you to understand that I care about you and I love you, Ron, but I can't keep going this way. I can't keep loving you when someone else is out there who actually meant to be with me."</p><p>"How long have you been planning on leaving me?" Ron looked entirely broken and the tears started to pour out of Hermione's eyes.</p><p>"Not long, I smelt the Amortentia last night."</p><p>Ron said nothing.</p><p>She broke down, sobbing. She clutched her chest as she sobbed uncontrollably. "I'm s-s-sorry, Ron. I'm so so sorry."</p><p>"Stop crying," he said. He looked at his folded hands on his lap as he said that.</p><p>She closed her eyes and tried to stop the tears from returning and leveled out her breathing.</p><p>She didn't want it to end. She knew she was going to lose all her friends because she chose to leave Ron. She wasn't going to be happy, but she wasn't going to go back to Ron. She knew everything had to end.</p><p>She stopped her tears and grabbed Ron's hand. He didn't pull away. She squeezed his hand and closed his eyes.</p><p>"Ron, if you loved me, even just a little, you'll search for me in another person, but you won't find me. So when you find someone who is not exactly what you're for, but what intrigues you. Go to her, ask her out. Find that person."</p><p>He looked at her and his eyes were grief-stricken. "How do I love someone and just walk away, Mione? Just like that. You just wake up every day and do everything you have always, but without them. How do you get up? How do you get dressed? I don't think I'll find someone like you, Mione."</p><p>Hermione looked at him and tried her hardest not to cry. She placed both of her hands on his face and said, "I think I'll miss you forever. I love you, Ron and I'm so pained not to see us succeed together. I love you and I'll miss you." She kissed him on the cheek and stood up.</p><p>She walked a little while away and looked at him, waiting for him to respond with something, just anything. He didn't.</p><p>"The nicest thing about the rain is that it always stops."</p><p>He froze and looked up at her. She smiled down at her with a silent tear slipping down her face.</p><p>"Who said that?"</p><p>She laughed to herself. "Winnie the Pooh."</p><p>"Anymore quotes?"</p><p>"One more. Everything will be okay in the end, if it's not okay, it's not the end- John Lennon. You're going to be okay."</p><p>He looked at her one more time with that tear-stained face and she quickly apparated away.</p>
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<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Moving On</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Over the next month, Hermione had moved out of the Weasley's house and back into her parent's house. They welcomed her back with open arms, but always tried to get out of her why she left Ron and of course, she would refuse to tell them because they wouldn't understand. She didn't think that a couple of dentists could understand why their witch of a daughter left the man she'd been dating for six years to be with somebody else, somebody unknown. They would ask her questions and she would answer them, but they always tended to swing back around to Ron and she didn't like it much. She tried to sway away from that topic but it kept getting harder and harder. She knew she needed to figure out her life, she knew she would, somehow.</p><p>"Hermione! Harry's at the door!" Mrs. Granger called from down the stairs.</p><p>Hermione jumped and placed her book at the bedside table. She hadn't had much interaction with any of the Weasley's and only Harry would come over to talk to her for a few minutes.</p><p>She felt terribly empty without the Weasley's. She was used to waking up and joining them in the kitchen for breakfast and then leaving for work. She hated having to leave the Weasley's but when she was packing up her stuff they could barely look at her. She packed as quickly as she could and left without taking another look back.</p><p>Hermione almost ran down the stairs but she bumped into Harry on the staircase. He had gotten a new pair of glasses after apparently Ron got drunk and snapped them. They wouldn't fix and Hermione felt horrible.</p><p>From what Hermione had heard Ron had been in a horrible state in the past month even after she tried to comfort him after the wedding. He had been going out, drinking, having sex, and apparently falling asleep on the streets. She felt horrible for the Weasley's as they tried their hardest to comfort him but they just couldn't get to him. He apparently kept denying that he was doing all these things because of Hermione, but everyone knew it was because of Hermione. She intended to let him downlighter and she'd gone to apologize to the Weasley's as a whole and they would just kindly close the door in her face, even at the Ministry. She would even try to stop Arthur at work and he would say he had a meeting or make up a terrible excuse.</p><p>"Hi, Harry," Hermione said. She took a deep breath because she didn't want to argue with Harry today like they did so many times. It had become a constant thing with Hermione trying to say sorry and Harry trying to point out her wrong morals and telling her to pick up her attitude and try to apologize to Ron.</p><p>"Hey, Mione," he said with a smile. He seemed like he was in a good mood today which meant that it was good for Hermione.</p><p>They walked up the rest of the stairs in silence and walked into Hermione's room. Half of her room was still packed up as she was too lazy to unpack it or even use her wand to organize it. It looked horrific but Harry never complained about her room at any time that he was there. He was quite used to a messy house as Harry had seen his house and it was already covered head to toe in baby clothes even though Ginny hadn't had her baby yet, it was sweet.</p><p>"Sorry, it's messy." Hermione sat down on her bed and placed a bookmark in her book on the bedside table.</p><p>"It's okay," he replied.</p><p>"Harry, if you try to lecture me today about talking to Ron, I tried, at the Ministry yesterday and I even talked to him at the Leaky Cauldron before he got wasted. But I just don't want to argue today."</p><p>"I don't either. Hermione last Saturday we had the gender reveal party and I wanted to let you know that we're having a boy!" Harry said with the biggest grin on his face.</p><p>"I know and congratulations, but why did you take so long to tell them? Like four weeks after I knew."</p><p>Hermione got up and started to put some more of her clothes into her boxes. She was ready to leave this place and Harry looked at her in confusion but she ignored his looks and kept packing the clothes away slowly.</p><p>"When did Ginny tell you? We were supposed to be keeping it a secret."</p><p>"She told me at my bachelorette." She cursed all her memories from that day, especially the Amortentia.</p><p>"Oh. Your last night being free from legal bondage. I guess you enjoyed yourself too much." Harry smiled even though he knew this was a very sensitive topic for Hermione.</p><p>"Harry, I told you why I left Ron. Would you do the same to Ginny?" She already knew his answer already, but she was going to force him to tell her.</p><p>"No. I would marry her. I would marry her thousands of times even if I didn't smell her."</p><p>"That's all sweet and all Harry, but imagine what would happen when your mind would always go to someone else when you smelled Amortentia. Imagine being married to Ginny, knowing that you didn't smell her in your love potion and when you breathe you can smell it and you know it's not her and all you do is breathe and wish for that one person who smells like heaven to you to come up to you and just hold you. I didn't want to have that constantly on my mind if I was married to Ron, I couldn't because I now know that Ron and I were never meant to be. Okay, sure, I liked Ron in the third year and was jealous of Lavender, Harry, but I knew, in the end, it would never work out. We were just two different ends of a broken puzzle, we didn't find each other. And I'm not going to try to redeem myself until I see it fit because I do believe that I will find that someone I smell in the Amortentia and I do believe that I will be happier because what is a life without happiness? I'm sorry, Harry, if you don't agree with what I'm saying, I'm sorry that you don't like that Ron and I aren't getting along, that we broke up, but I couldn't put him through the pain of knowing that I had someone else out there waiting for me and I knew before I even made up my mind one month ago that I didn't want to hurt Ron so I did what any logical person would do, I broke up with him."</p><p>Harry looked at her and she couldn't tell whether he agreed with her or disagreed. She could see the struggle in his emotions. He was hurting just as much as Hermione and Ron. His two best friends in the entire world weren't talking to each other and whenever they did they would fight. They couldn't stand in each other's presence long enough to acknowledge the other one being there. He was stuck between his best friends, he couldn't choose aside. Hermione knew this and didn't blame him because it only made sense.</p><p>"You hurt Ron more than you ever cold, he hasn't been the same, Hermione. Just make up with him and tell him you love him, tell him you want him back, kiss him. Please. Just anything to get you guys together because I can't deal with the back and forth between you two. It hurts, Mione."</p><p>He looked like he was on the verge of tears and Hermione already pitied him enough with his situation. She knew who he supported more. She knew that if she said something too wrong Harry would leave and never come back because he was practically a Weasley, he would stand by his family no matter what. The Weasleys thought that Ron shouldn't have been dumped and Harry tried to reason with the family about how Hermione had probably thought it through, but then he'd have to sleep on the couch. He grew to have the same opinions as the Weasley's, as Ginny, and especially as Ron. Harry was like a messenger and Hermione knew that Ron had told Harry to say half the things that he did and Harry always agreed to it.</p><p>"Harry, I can't go back to Ron." She was leaving.</p><p>"You can, Mione. He'll take you back, he hasn't given up," he begged.</p><p>"You don't understand, Harry, I literally can't take him back."</p><p>"Give me a reason. One, just one reason, please," he said in a quiet tone. Harry was struggling more than anyone could tell and Hermione hated to see Harry like this.</p><p>"I'm leaving for America tomorrow."</p><p>She looked at her hands and felt the tears brimming her eyes. She could feel the crystalized sight coming. She didn't want to break down into tears and basically hyperventilate.</p><p>"Why?" Harry said plainly.</p><p>She forced herself to meet his eyes and she choked back on the sobs that were rippling up her dry, sore throat. She hadn't even been yelling and her throat was sore.</p><p>"I've always wanted to see America and when a job came up at the Ministry there I applied right away."</p><p>"Did you apply because you wanted to get away from Ron?" Harry now looked as though he was going to break down and fall apart at that exact place. She could see the terror in his eyes. The poor man had been through enough and now his best friends weren't talking to each other and one of them was moving thousands of miles away.</p><p>"No and yes. No, because I saw it as an opportunity to get me higher up in the Ministry and I knew that if I took it I could become very successful. And yes because it hurts, Harry. I can't be in London and go to the burrow every other week, begging for forgiveness, not even for Ron to come back to me, but for them to forgive me and let me be back into their family. I feel so cut off from the wizarding world, staying in my muggle house, walking down the streets and through muggle shops. I don't feel at home because I don't have one anymore and I feel like I just need to be able to take a breath of fresh air and know that I'm where I belong."</p><p>"But, Mione, you belong here, in England. You're the head of your department, your friends and family are here, why do you need to leave?"</p><p>"Because I don't belong here." Tears were seeping from her eyes as she thought of Harry sitting there looking like he was about to bust and fall apart at any moment.</p><p>She didn't belong here and she knew it. The places she once called home were no longer welcoming to her. Her house was full of muggle stuff that always seemed to confuse her more and more and all she thought about in the house is when she obliviated her parents. Hogwarts was her second home as she felt the big magical castle and the thousands of books under her hands where anything was possible for her. She remembered the mornings spent in the Great Hall, the laughter, the adventures, and then the torture, the war, the dead bodies and it would bring her to when she first kissed Ron when he wanted to evacuate the house elves to save them. And lastly, the Weasley's where she was welcomed summer after summer to spend time with Ron, Ginny, and Hermione. Where she had made so many long-lasting friendships. The nights spent gossiping with Ginny at ungodly hours of the night and the laughter around the pranks that Fred and George had pulled on everyone countless times.</p><p>She always felt at home in one place, but she felt so different ever since the wedding like she wasn't meant to be there like she never really belonged in that world. But she would walk the muggle streets and realize she didn't belong there either. She felt trapped and she knew she needed to escape, to clear her mind of everything that happened. She wanted to remember the war without breaking down, but being proud of her efforts. She wanted to think of Ron without thinking of the dreaded look on his face as he was splinched in the forests in seventh year. The face he made when she left him. She didn't want to cry remembering everything she did, she wanted to push it forward and deal with it. She knew she couldn't go through some sort of rehab around Harry or Ginny or her parents because they would be worried out of their minds, they wouldn't be able to just let herself suffer.</p><p>"We're your family."</p><p>"I have no family,' she said firmly. She let her gruesome self come in. She knew how to deal with her emotions but she could never stop sneering when she needed to. The war had done that to her. She was still the girl who would giggle at a joke, but now she was also the girl who would roll her eyes, give people the death stare, and threaten anyone who crossed her.</p><p>"When are you leaving?"</p><p>"In a few minutes." This encounter just made her want to go sooner and so she decided to do that. She would write a note to her parents and leave it on her bed and let them know without human interaction that she had left, never to return.</p><p>Hermione flicked her wand and let her books, clothes, and belongings fly into her boxes and suitcases.</p><p>"I can't talk anymore. Bye, Harry." She didn't break the hard-line her face had gone into.</p><p>Harry looked at her and said, "Bye, Hermione." There was a slight twinkle in his eyes as she closed her eyes to apparate.</p><p>During her way to America, she stopped at the Ministry to transfer her belongings to America and to set up a portkey for her to talk.</p><p>They arrived with a small stuffed monkey and right before Hermione touched the portkey she saw Draco Malfoy standing there with discomfort on his face. He looked at her almost as if he was going to miss her, but then he glared at her and walked away.</p><p>She closed her eyes to remember the Amortentia and grabbed hold of the portkey.</p>
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<a name="section0006"><h2>6. America</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>One year later</p><p>Hermione woke up in her apartment and stretched. She had an early day at work today and she was completely ready for it. Work was working extremely well for her and she was the head of her department and she was getting paid better than she was in British Ministry.</p><p>Her year had gone by amazingly and she couldn't wait to spend her days in America even more than she did before. She didn't even miss home really. She had gotten an owl with a photo of Ginny and Harry's baby James and she was informed of Ginny having her second kid already, Albus. She had gotten a few letters from her parents so she just thought they were scared to send her something or worried she wouldn't respond. She hoped the owls weren't holding back her letters. She had heard nothing from the Weasley's. They cut her off entirely and she surely didn't care too much, she expected them to do this to her.</p><p>Hermione had gone out with some people and she would always realize that she couldn't smell the intoxicating scent of her Amortentia. She was very driven to find him. She would brew Amortentia every few weeks and fill her house with the scent of it. She loved to make it and smell it at all times. It would always put her in line and continue to go to work, to do the things she loved to do without having to worry about it every day.</p><p>Hermione walked to her kitchen and pulled out the coffee pot. She missed good tea, but she didn't mind coffee, it would keep her awake. Of course, there were a lot of different things that worked as coffee as well in the wizarding world, but Hermione preferred to drink the actual coffee.</p><p>While the coffee was brewing she went to her little cupboard by her muggle refrigerator. She lived in a muggle apartment but constantly used magic in it. She enjoyed living in a muggle city, in a muggle apartment, and being able to use all of the appliances was an advantage to living there it would always impress every witch or wizard she brought to her house. She was impressed by Hermione's skill with it, but then they remembered that she was muggleborn.</p><p>She opened her cupboard and looked at her cauldron. It had finished brewing it the night before and she wanted to smell it so badly. She didn't know how long she could restrain herself so she just opened it.</p><p>She smelt it and immediately smiled. It was like her drug. The way the smells worked in harmony together, was like a symphony where there are different sounds but work together perfectly. The balance of all four of the scents was calming. It was an addiction she had but the thought of having someone out there that was meant to be with her felt surreal. She never knew if she was pretending to smell the scents if they weren't there. She knew they were because she could imagine curling up next to a man while he holds you and you just smell all of him.</p><p>Hermione had come up with a face for this boy. She imagined that he was tall and had dark hair that would fall down into his eyes. He was fairly strong and his blue eyes would always look at her with so much care. She liked the face she had put him with, the thin nose, the almond shape of his eyes, he really was perfect for her. But he wasn't real, he was in her head, what she expected him to look like.</p><p>She felt like she had been waiting forever for her prince charming to walk through the door, but she always remembered that she was only in her mid-20s so she had a lot of time to be with him. She would then picture him being older, in his 40s, but she knew she'd be happy even if she found him in her 40s, she really didn't care. All she cared about was that she had someone waiting for her, to hold her, to love her, to tease her and that always lifted her spirits.</p><p>She picked up the New York Ghost and sat at her table while drinking her coffee. She always woke up early enough to drink her coffee with her paper in hand. She loved the quiet mornings of New York City when it was quiet. She purposely put a spell on her apartment so she couldn't hear the cars honking at each other to pass each other.</p><p>She saw a headline called "Harry Potter Visits Ilvermorny School to Speak to Children" she looked at the picture and there was a photo of Harry with a smile on his face, standing in front of a lot of kids who looked either bored or happy. He would turn to look at them and the kids would look at him like he was crazy, but Hermione knew it was because he loved speaking to children. She decided to read the article.</p><p>Wizarding world hero, Harry Potter came to Ilvermorny this past week to speak to the children of the school. He spoke to them about the importance of Defensive spells, of knowing how to defend yourself. He also spoke to them about his stories of his years at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry where he was very close with Albus Dumbledore, the very wizard famous that defeated the dark wizard Grindewald. He spoke and the children all listened intently as he told them stories.</p><p>"Why were you saved from the killing curse?" a child in their fourth year in Thunderbird asked.</p><p>Harry responded with a lengthy answer. "The first time that I survived the killing curse was because of my mother. My mother and father died, in order to save me, they tried their hardest. When Voldemort killed my father, my mother protected me till she took her last breath. The love she had for me was more powerful than anything Voldemort ever. The only thing he never had killed him the first time. See Voldemort grew up with no emotions. His father was a muggle and his mother was a pureblood and he was conceived under the love potion so he couldn't feel many emotions due to his father being under the love potion.</p><p>"The second time that I survived the killing curse was with many different situations. The second time I had just seen the ghost of my parents and was ready to join them. I was this thing called a Horcrux."</p><p>Hermione paused and sort of taken aback by Harry starting to talk about Horcruxes to children, but she pushed by it.</p><p>"Now a Horcrux is basically what dark wizards use to stay alive for longer. They trap a part of their soul in an object, but I was a Horcrux, the Horcrux that Voldemort didn't know about. So, when I went to die for the wizarding world I knew I was a Horcrux, I knew I had to die to save all my friends so I let him hit me with the killing curse and the part of Voldemort that was trapped inside of me disappeared and I survived where Narcissa Malfoy told Tom that I was dead and she saved me. That's not the point of this story, but I really do owe my life to Narcissa. If it wasn't for her then I wouldn't have my wife, my son, and all of my friends. The world would've been broken if Narcissa hadn't saved me."</p><p>The well-known witch was surprisingly mentioned in the interview as Harry Potter apparently had a rivalry with her son Draco Malfoy who currently works in the British Ministry as an Auror. Narcissa Malfoy was the least likely person to save Harry but she was apparently ready to sacrifice herself and Harry to make sure her son was alive.</p><p>"Who helped you defeat Voldemort?" a third-year Pukwudgie asked.</p><p>"A lot of people, but the people that most helped me the most were probably my best friends, Hermione Granger and Ron Weasley."</p><p>Hermione looked at it and she could feel her emotions bubbling inside of her as she looked at her paper and saw how Harry said she helped him the most. She loved Harry and missed him dearly and now she just wanted to pull him up into a hug. She wished she wasn't on Ministry business that day. She missed Harry so much and all she wanted to do was apparate all the way to England and see him. She wanted to rant to him, to tell him the stories of America and her adventures at the Ministry.</p><p>She kept reading.</p><p>Potter mentioned Hermione Granger and Ron Weasley who were previously in a relationship that ended sadly one year ago after Hermione Granger became a runaway bride and left Ron Weasley at the altar.</p><p>She took a deep breath and tried not to throw the paper. She wanted to know where everyone got the information about her relationships. It was constant, even in America. She thought she could get away from the memories of the relationship, but she had gotten used to remembering the past, but she wasn't sad or regretful because she knew that it was for the better and she was sure Ron had moved on and whenever their relationship was mentioned in the paper he was ready to throw it as well.</p><p>Granger and Weasley put a lot of work into the war, as they spent their seventh year at Hogwarts hunting down Horcruxes with Harry Potter. Hermione Granger and Ron Weasley fought against Lord Voldemort and were successful in their cause.</p><p>Last year Granger joined the American Ministry of Magic as a secretary of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement and in only a year Granger has climbed ranks and is now Head of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement. She has been a successful Ministry member and is even now placed on a chocolate frog card.</p><p>Hermione put the paper down because she didn't want to read on and see what Ron was doing. She didn't know why she needed a whole paragraph, but she didn't think past it.</p><p>Hermione had heard Harry's story a million times but was always interested to read the articles he was mentioned in so she could at least feel like he was closer. She hated leaving him behind, but she had to leave him for her own good. She needed to find herself, to find the man she was waiting for, but she hadn't yet. She hated being away from Harry, not ranting to him, but she had gotten letters once a month from Harry where he would talk about James, Ginny, and work. He seemed happier without Hermione and she was perfectly fine with that.</p><p>She decided that she shouldn't wallow in her thoughts and she quickly got changed into her work robes and apparated to the American Ministry also known as MACUSA.</p><p>It was a very big place with libraries surrounding the walls and she went straight to her office.</p><p>There were a few memos sitting on her desk so she went through them. There was nothing important so she left and started to walk around.</p><p>"Hello, Granger," said Caleb Peterson. He worked in the Law Enforcement office and he was right below her in office. She didn't mind Caleb, but he could get annoying and possessive. He always asked her out and she always said no as he smelled nothing like her Amortentia and she didn't want another Ron situation.</p><p>"Peterson," she nodded at him.</p><p>"Here's a personal letter from this owl." He pointed at a large dark owl that looked extremely intimidating. She wondered why anyone would want an owl as creepy looking as that owl.</p><p>She took the letter and saw the cursive writing in black ink. It was nice handwriting and she wondered who had sent the letter to her.</p><p>"Thanks, Peterson. I'll be back."</p><p>She turned around and went back into her office where there were pictures of her parents, James, Harry, Ginny, and the Weasley's.</p><p>She quickly tore open the letter and read it slowly, it read:</p><p>You are cordially invited to the funeral of Astoria Malfoy.</p><p>She passed away this past Thursday at 2:12 in the afternoon.</p><p>Location: Malfoy Manor</p><p>Date: December 14th, 2005</p><p>RSVP: By December 12th, 2005 to Draco Malfoy</p><p>We hope to see you there.</p><p>et mortuus est in oblivionem cadant</p><p>Hermione took a second to take in the information. Astoria had died. She felt horrible for Draco, she would of course go. She was close to Astoria and knew that Draco must be going through so many feelings. She quickly drafted an RSVP that said:</p><p>Dear Draco,</p><p>I am informing you that I am able to attend the funeral.</p><p>I am sorry for your loss, it must be terrible. She was close to me too and I hope you're doing okay.</p><p>I was wondering if there was a place that I could accommodate during my stay? I don't have the Weasley's due to the incident.</p><p>I'm sorry for your loss.</p><p>Yours truly,</p><p>Hermione Granger</p><p>She sealed the note and gave it to the closest owl and squeezed her eyes shut as she didn't want to think of another person dead. She couldn't deal with it. Astoria was such a sweet girl and was treating Draco right and loving him and she could see a difference in him after he married Astoria. She felt terrible for him and she knew she needed to do anything she could to do help because that's what Astoria would want.</p>
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<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>She stood outside of the manor with her suitcase in her left hand and her wand in her right. She was taking a second before walking into the manor as she felt though as soon as she walked in she would remember the blurred screams of her torture in her seventh year. She could still sometimes feel the knife cutting into her arm, carving the word<em> mudblood</em> into it. She could feel it stinging so she dropped her suitcase and rubbed her arm while closing her eyes. She couldn't remember much about Malfoy Manor, but she could remember herself thrashing on the ground getting tortured and a knife going deep into her arm while she was being held down.</p><p>She then decided not to let the memory come into her head again. She knew that she was there for a funeral, but she wasn't sure if she would be able to step into the house. She tried to remember that the manor was now owned by Draco and that he wouldn't do anything that she could think of, he wasn't one for torture back in the day.</p><p>She reached up to the door and lightly tapped it with her knuckles. She wanted to knock louder but she was afraid that would disturb anyone living there and she wasn't even sure if Malfoy was home.</p><p>She was waiting on the steps around the almost castle in front of her. It had big iron gates and giant hedges that created a maze outside, but nothing compared to the giant house in the very middle of the property. It looked as though it was maybe four stories tall and very wide. It was dark and ominous and creeped her out very much. This place was the perfect hideaway for Voldemort and he had used it to his advantage. It used to be headquarters for the Death Eaters and that made a lot of sense because it was large enough to hold dozens of people and be able to have a hospital wing and still tons of living space. The Order had just had a house with maybe ten rooms which were fairly large, while the Death Eaters had a four-story tall mansion at their disposal.</p><p>The door opened and Malfoy was standing there and didn't even look at Hermione. He gestured his arm for her to go inside so she picked up her suitcase and came into the creepy manor.</p><p>The foyer was just as dark and creepy as the outside. There was a grand staircase at the end of the foyer and a giant chandelier at the top and a wrap-around balcony to reach the second floor. The floors were a grey marble and the walls were black with old portraits hung across them.</p><p>Hermione turned to look at Malfoy and he was standing there with a broken look on his face. Suddenly he looked older. Hermione last saw him a year ago in the Ministry, on her wedding day and it seemed like a year took a toll on him. He looked untidy as his hair was messy and longer as the hair was pushed away from his eyes constantly as he would run his hand through his hair. His ice grey eyes now gave off a chilling look of despair and unknowing where he was supposed to be. He had stubble on his face, still sharp, and needed a shave. He still wore black like he always did, but his skin was paler than she had ever seen. He seemed lost and unsure of what was going on. She felt bad for him.</p><p>"Thank you for letting me stay at your house, Malfoy, it is a beautiful place," she said. She was sure to be quiet because he was definitely still grieving.</p><p>She knew that look on his face. That was the same face Harry made the days after he lost Sirius, the face Ron made when Hermione left him, the face George had had since the day he lost Fred, and the face Hermione made almost every day during her seventh year, scarred by the war. It was too familiar to her and she didn't want it to be. It was a face you never wanted to see anyone bear and yet Malfoy bore it perfectly like it was always meant to be there. She didn't like that thought, that face wasn't supposed to fit Malfoy perfectly, it wasn't supposed to fit anyone that much, and yet there Malfoy was with that exact face looking like it was always supposed to be there.</p><p>"I'll show you to your room," he said without making eye contact. He looked so broken and it was hurting Hermione for some reason. "There will be tea at four with the other guests in the drawing-room."</p><p>He walked down the corridor and led Hermione to her room.</p><p>As he walked Hermione looked around the manor with great interest as there were so many different paintings and artifacts. It was well decorated and untidy at the same time.</p><p>Hermione placed her focus on Malfoy as he walked swiftly down the halls towards her room. She thought about what Malfoy must be going through, he lost his wife. She wanted to know how she died and she was determined to ask, but she just thought for a moment. He was lost. He was broken. He had lost the one thing in the world that he could hold onto. He had grown up with a Death Eater as a father and a mother who followed her husband's beliefs. He was forced at a young age to become a Death Eater to prove himself, to get his father out of prison, to protect his mother. He was forced into the horrible life he lived and yet his wife died.</p><p>She knew what Astoria and he had was true love. She would see them in the corridors in her seventh year and they would look so happy. Malfoy would sit with her at meals and talk to her. He would look at her as much as he could and Astoria would always talk about him while Hermione tutored her. Hermione said her opinions on Malfoy and Astoria took them into consideration. Malfoy would even watch Hermione tutor Astoria as he was so very consumed with her and clearly wanted her.</p><p>Their wedding was beautiful and Hermione could remember it well. It was at the Greengrass Manor and there were flowers everywhere and bouquets of red and white flowers everywhere. And she walked down the aisle in a beautiful mermaid style dress. She watched Malfoy look at her while she was walking down the aisle and he had the Ron face on. He was ready to marry her and Astoria actually said I do. She remembered clapping as they pronounced them husband and wife and Malfoy kissed her so carefully while savoring the moment. He was very happy with Astoria and every time Hermione and Astoria would get together for old times sake she would still gush over Malfoy and Hermione would still tell her to be careful.</p><p>"Here you go." Malfoy stopped outside a black door and turned the handle to show the inside of the room.</p><p>The room was dark with deep grey painted walls. There were bookcases with artifacts and books on them. There was a portrait of a vase of dark blue flowers in it and it was framed in a black frame. In the middle of the room, there was again black a big king-sized bed and it had 4 posters with a drape over the top. One word to sum up the room was black. It suited the manor but made it a little uncomfortable and odd.</p><p>"Tea is at four," Malfoy said, but before he could close the door Hermione stopped it with her foot.</p><p>"Can I ask you something?" she said. She looked at him with deep seriousness and he saw the look and looked down at his shoes before looking back at her.</p><p>He just nodded in response.</p><p>"If you don't mind, I just wanted to know. . . and you don't need to tell me if you don't want to, but how did she die?"</p><p>The pain was clearly seeping through Draco and it looked like he was about to break into tears, but Hermione knew he would keep his expression straight and at least tell her one word, even if it was just no.</p><p>"She was having problems with the pregnancy," he said slowly. He looked at Hermione and he was about to break and Hermione knew it. She felt so bad for him and now she knew that she was pregnant and that would've made it ten times worse because that meant that there might be a mini Malfoy without their mother and stuck with their broken father, far more broken than anyone should be.</p><p>"She was pregnant?" She looked at him with her mouth basically on the floor and she just felt worse and worse as she thought about what he must be going through and wondered if he felt resentment for the child because they might've killed Astoria.</p><p>"He didn't survive," he replied with the most grief-stricken face. They would've had a son together and he would've been running around with his mother and father, but he didn't survive. And now even worse was that Malfoy had no wife and no son. It was probably the worst pain he had ever gone through. Hermione knew that if she were ever to have a child and had a miscarriage then she would never forget it, she would go through the worst pain she would ever have.</p><p>"What happened?"</p><p>"We were reading in the library when she said she had a pain in her abdomen and so I went up and got her potions for that reason. We had had a hard time conceiving and so I had potions at the ready because the healer said we might have a difficult pregnancy and when I came back she was bleeding." He looked horror-stricken as he recalled the memory and Hermione felt horrible for asking the question. She couldn't even imagine the torment. Life was probably a blur without Astoria.</p><p>"You don't have to tell me the rest," Hermione said quickly. She had felt the tears moving down her face and she wasn't sure how many tears were really coming out. It was her pain relief.</p><p>His voice was barely a whisper when he said, "Thank you."</p><p>The anguish. The tiredness. The brokenness. He was broken and suffering. She wanted to know how to comfort him, but it felt almost impossible as she knew Malfoy never let anyone know his emotions or thoughts.</p><p>"I-I shouldn't have asked. I'm really sorry, Malfoy. I feel terrible." She wanted to at least pat his shoulder out of comfort but she restrained herself.</p><p>"It's okay. Tea. Four," he said before leaving the room and closing the door behind him.</p><p>She flicked her wand and her clothes went straight into the dresser that was provided.</p><p>She took a deep breath and smelt something very floral. She looked at her window and opened it. She breathed in more deeply as she saw a beautiful rose patch that was below her window. They were clearly enchanted to stay alive all year long. She looked at them and she found a nice one and picked it out. She pulled it into her room and smelt it, taking a deep breath in. It smelt like the roses she smelt in the Amortentia. She was comforted as she sat on the bed with the flower below her nose and she breathed in remembering her potion and remembering herself finding that person.</p><p>She wanted to find him and she thought about possibly seeing if Ron had smelt like that after a year. She froze and realized that she should probably visit the Weasley's to at least say hi and try to apologize. She had known it had been too long since the last time she tried to say sorry to them and she wanted to make up with them.</p><p>She let her mind wander for a little while and ended up thinking about what Malfoy was going through again. She analyzed it and thought through it. She knew that Malfoy would either be colder now or kinder and she knew that she should try to comfort him, but she also knew that Malfoy liked his alone time and would prefer to suffer in silence. She understood that he was going through a lot and probably needed some space so she knew she was going to give him some space.</p><p>Her mind went back to the rose that she held in her hand. She lifted it up to her nose once again and inhaled. She felt more at home because she knew that the love of her life had something to do with this exact rose and she thought maybe she'd meet him at the funeral even if it was under terrible circumstances. She held onto that thought and didn't try to think about Astoria or Malfoy at all.</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Forgive Me</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Hermione didn't attend tea at four. She paced around her room remembering that she was back in England. She had a few panic attacks thinking about what might happen if she sees any of the people she tried too hard to get away from. She didn't know if any of them were invited and she didn't want to know what would happen if they were. She didn't know how she could handle talking to them after leaving for a year and never coming back. She knew them all too well and she wasn't ready to take the blow that she was so sure they would come at her with.</p><p>She finally made up her mind and decided to ask Malfoy if she could see the guest list. She had a plan for what she was going to do after. She grabbed her traveling cloak, put it on, and made her way through the corridors.</p><p>The halls were dark and gave her the chills. She could feel the old dark magic floating around the halls. She couldn't remember any of the halls. She knew she'd been there, but she didn't remember anything but the searing pain of the knife in her arm and the cruciatus curse flowing through her veins as she screamed for help and as Ron screamed her name. She remembered Bellatrix saying slurs and calling her names and then torturing her again.</p><p>She stopped when she remembered a distinct face that was carved into her mind. She remembered Malfoy's face as Bellatrix tortured her. She suddenly remembered him flinching and gripping his wand tighter as she silently begged him to help her with her eyes. She could see the pain in them after Bellatrix had cursed. He looked so much worse and he looked like he was ready to go up to his aunt and kill her right there. He looked helpless. She couldn't exactly remember why he would look like that when she was screaming, but she pushed it to the back of her thoughts as she was determined to ask Malfoy a question.</p><p>She walked around the corridors looking for Malfoy when she suddenly saw him calmly talking to a guest. His expressions looked dead as he was talking to them. And she remembered that the world had probably stopped spinning for him.</p><p>The man he was talking to saw Hermione and quickly started to walk away in a rush. It was confusing as to why the mean was doing that but again Hermione just ignored it.</p><p>"Malfoy," Hermione called over to him. She wanted answers and she wanted the guest list so she could find out if she needed to worry about seeing any of the Weasley's or Potter's. She understood that Astoria was never fond of any of them, she would just talk non-stop about Malfoy.</p><p>"Yes, Granger?" he asked softly with the corners of his mouth twitching up. He realized what he was doing and quickly dropped into his cold, emotionless look. It seemed to be that Astoria and his son's death had done nothing to him like he was completely fine with it. Hermione figured he was just putting on an act so people would ask him fewer questions and be a lot less concerned for his well being.<br/><br/></p><p>"I was wondering if I could check the guestlist for the funeral? It's just that I haven't talked to my friends in a very long time and I don't think I'm on good terms anymore. Sorry, I'm rambling." She tended to ramble when she was nervous and she was purely nervous because she didn't want to see her friend's name on the list to where she would have to go up to them and actually talk to them, she wasn't ready for that.</p><p>"Sure," he said with a little more of a cold tone. He seemed to be very moody to Hermione and his moods were completely different, but he'd always been like that. At the Ministry, Malfoy would always be having a friendly conversation with Hermione and then snap his mouth shut and leave. It was so confusing to her and she wondered if he was just bipolar.</p><p>They didn't say another word as Malfoy started to walk down corridors probably towards his study. She got to see more of the estate and would always stop and look at something and then Malfoy would tell her to hurry up and come. She was quite interested in the manor. Even if she remembered screaming in a room with dark walls and a knife tearing through her arm and Malfoy's face as she screamed. Even the way the corridors looped were confusing and dark. They gave off a very dark, mystical look, like an evil lair.</p><p>They entered the study and Malfoy stopped for a second looking down at what looked like a muggle book. Hermione didn't push it as he gently laid the book down on his desk. He quickly grabbed a book and gave it to Hermione.</p><p>"There's a list of all the invites in random order."</p><p>She opened the book and he leaned over and pointed to the page with all the names. He didn't seem to be bothered by the proximity, but he quickly drew back and put that emotionless mask but on his face. Hermione observed him as he did and he gulped. He would look down and put his hands in his pockets. It was an odd thing for him to do, but he just moved to the other side of the room and looked at the bookshelves filled with muggle books again.</p><p>She looked at the book and realized this looked a lot like the journal she used to keep. She didn't bother flicking through the pages as she just assumed they liked the same supplier for notebooks.</p><p>
  <em>Invites to Astoria's funeral</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Hermione Granger</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Her parents</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Her siblings</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Her friends</em>
</p><p>It was odd to see the guest list like this, but she realized she was really the only name on the list as Malfoy's curved handwriting scribbled down those few words. There was a footnote:</p><p>
  <em>Find out who Astoria's friends were.</em>
</p><p>She closed the book, slowly placed it down on the desk, and was completely confused. She didn't know why Malfoy hadn't known who her friends were. She knew he cared about details, he had said so at her wedding. He normally liked to know all of the information he could about any topic or subject, but he didn't seem to look into the details about Astoria even though they had such a cute relationship in school and seemed almost perfect for each other, but Hermione knew not to judge a book by its cover.</p><p>"Why am I the only name here?" She asked. She looked at Malfoy and he had a cold, hard expression on his face.</p><p>"Because I knew you two were close," he said. There was some sort of look in his eyes as he met hers. It was odd, she hadn't seen it before. He seemed pained, but yet so happy and only his eyes could tell that.</p><p>She knew that she couldn't stand Malfoy looking maliciously happy and she knew she wanted to walk away and just talk a deep breath from the whole funeral thing. She was already heartbroken by Astoria dying but felt even more hurt by the look in Malfoy's eyes. It was like there was a glint of humanity. He had almost no humanity left in him after the war and Astoria brought it back out in him and he was so alive in their seventh year, and then when she arrived she had seen none left and now suddenly it was back. Just when he was looking at her with that cold stare she swore she saw a light flicker on in his brain.</p><p>"I'm going to go out and I'll be back around seven when you said it would be ready," she said. She inhaled deeply and let herself calm down before he could say anything.</p><p>She apparated and heard a word come out of his mouth but didn't turn back to hear what he was saying because she found no use of it, he wasn't in charge of her. She knew that he couldn't stop her from apparating to the place that she needed to see again.</p><p>She arrived at the burrow standing tall in front of her. The house was still the same with the extra rooms sticking out everywhere and the extra floors added every time a new Weasley was born.</p><p>She knocked on the door and it quickly swung open to see a flushed Ron. His face dropped as he saw Hermione. He dropped a cold front and Hermione very well expected him to do that and there he did.</p><p>"H-Hermione," he said. He didn't seem happy or sad, just an in-between. She could tell he wasn't expecting her because their last interaction had ended up with Ron having to kick Hermione out of the house because of how much she apologized.</p><p>"Ron," she said firmly. She had learned in America how to keep a poker face well enough so she kept her straight face on tight as her face beard no emotions as she looked at him remembering everything.</p><p>It had been a year since she saw Ron, but she could still see the flicker of pain that she pushed on him, it hurt her a little bit. She could tell that he wasn't fully recovered from what she did to him and she didn't like that thought. She left him because she thought it was the best thing for her and him the same. She would've become obsessed with her Amortentia even if she had married Ron. She never wanted to harm him, she never wanted him to feel remorse against her. She still wanted to be his friend and she knew the minute she walked down that aisle that she could no longer be friends with Ron and no one would ever want to be friends with her again because she broke the Boy Who Loved. She broke him and people had even wondered if the man would love again and Hermione knew he would because he loved everyone.</p><p>"What-what are you doing here?" he hesitated over his words like he was slightly warning her to stay away. To turn around and apparate back to where Malfoy was and his malicious look.</p><p>She took a deep breath and looked at him in all seriousness. "I'm back for a funeral and I decided that it would be nice to check up on you."</p><p>"Uh, sure, come in."</p><p>He let her inside and towards the living room where Lavender Brown was sitting there with her hair in a mess and the top two buttons of her blouse hanging open. Hermione knew where they were going.</p><p>"Hermione Granger?" Lavender asked in astonishment. She eyed Ron and he just looked down at his fingers.</p><p>Hermione understood that it would be awkward. Lavender and Ron had dated in sixth year and Hermione had been deathly jealous of them both as she wanted Ron so badly. She was always embarrassed to say she envied Lavender Brown at Hogwarts. She was attached to Ron at the hip when they were together and eventually Ron broke it off with her after Lavender had walked into the Gryffindor common room with Harry under the invisibility cloak and Ron and Hermione talking to each other. She ended it there much to Hermione and Ron's relief.</p><p>After that Lavender never really talked to Ron and she was attacked by Fenrir Greyback and she had gotten bitten and scratched by him and since then Lavender had been a werewolf. She wasn't ashamed of it like Remus Lupin had been, but she wore it with pride. That's what made Lavender such a good person. She was a werewolf and proud because she knew that they all had scars and her scars from the war was her being a werewolf and she did a lot of public speaking to young werewolves telling them it's nothing to be ashamed of and ultimately raised awareness for werewolves and there were now laws that Lavender helped input about werewolves and the way they were to be contained and treated when the full moon came. She was a really good person.</p><p>"Hello again, Lavender, it's nice to see you," Hermione smiled sweetly at the accomplished girl. She remembered all the nights she would spend glaring at the girl as she read silently in bed. She really loathed her during her sixth year, but quickly got over it.</p><p>"What are you doing here, Hermione?" Ron asked. He still had tortured eyes as he watched her carefully.</p><p>"Am I allowed to talk to Ron alone?" She asked Lavender.</p><p>"Of course. As long as you don't steal my boyfriend." She winked and then made her way up the stairs slowly.</p><p>Hermione and Ron sat there quietly. It was clearly more awkward than it had ever been between them. When they were young they would always bicker and could actually tolerate each other in school. After school, they of course had become very closely intertwined and were always talking away or holding hands or doing whatever they could to stay close to each other. But for a year Hermione had been absent after leaving Ron and now she was expected to have a normal civilized conversation.</p><p>Ron spoke first. "Why are you here? In England I mean."</p><p>"Well Astoria Malfoy died and I was invited to her funeral. I'm staying at the manor and I just thought that it would be nice to reconnect but you were with Lavender and if you'd prefer me to leave, I can just go."</p><p>"No no, it's okay, it's just I haven't seen you in a year. You look good." He smiled at her with that crooked smile of his and it made her heartache with the pain of knowing that she left this boy behind, she'd hurt him.</p><p>She smiled a little bit. "Thanks, Ron. You do too." She knew she was going to start crying and she could feel the tears start to blur her vision.</p><p>"I guess that year did some good for you?" He looked at her with a dreaded expression and still broken and Hermione had to close her eyes to make sure she wouldn't start crying.</p><p>"It did. I'm now really high at the MACUSA, it did a lot of good for me."</p><p>The silence was hanging over them.</p><p>"So, Ron, the reason I came here was to say I'm sorry again. I don't need your forgiveness and I don't need anything from you, I just wanted you to know that I'm sorry for ever hurting you. And I understand that you're with Lavender, but I just need you to know that I'm sorry and I'm not here to take you back so I can have you for myself." She let one tear fall down her face as she stared into his face.</p><p>He moved his hand towards her but then slowly pulled in back, shoving it into his robes. "Hermione, you broke me and I'm not sure if I can forgive you."</p><p>She paused and looked up at him. She thought that giving him space would cause him to see things differently, to actually want to forgive her. It felt terrible. He had said she broke him and now just looking at him she could tell she really did and she didn't want to look at his face.</p><p>"I-I know I did, Ron. But why not give me a chance?" She felt desperate for him to answer her, for him to say something reassuring.</p><p>"Because of what you did. You left me on our wedding day and told me you did because of a dumb potion. I felt betrayed by you and I didn't know how to cope. I stayed inside and you would visit and beg for forgiveness and I would yell because you didn't mean any of it."</p><p>"I-I'm sorry, I have to go," Hermione said quickly.</p><p>She didn't want to hear all his woes, all the reasons why she broke him. She couldn't do it. She knew she'd break her poker face and fall completely apart. She needed to make sure she was fine, she was okay.</p><p>She squeezed her wand in hand and apparated away as quickly as she could.</p><p>She was in her room at the manor and she started to cry. The sobs ripped through her throat as she gave no effort to contain them even if she was in someone else's house.</p><p>She'd broken him and he wouldn't forgive her.</p><p>"Granger?"</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. I'm Fine</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Granger?" asked Malfoy in a more worried tone.</p><p>Hermione couldn't lift her head to look up at him; she just felt so lost. She just wanted Ron to forgive her, she missed her friend. She didn't want to be romantically involved with Ron, she just wanted him back as a friend. She missed him dearly and she had so much fun during school before anything happened, but she just wanted her friend back because he was always by her. She was by him when he was mad at Harry or when Harry was mad at him and all he saw in Hermione was an ex-girlfriend who just wanted to get back together with him which was completely false. She had no friends anymore because her friends left her in the hardest time of her life and she felt like she couldn't trust any of them anymore.</p><p>She felt a warm hand on her shoulder and she looked up from her hands and saw Malfoy crouching down beside her with his hand on her shoulder. He looked uncomfortable, but nonetheless completely concerned for her well being. He looked at though he was ready to just drop his hand and walk out the door, asking her if she wanted a hug before he left, Hermione knew he would never ask her for any of that because that was so unlike Malfoy. But Malfoy seemed so different and she didn't know what it was, but she felt more comfortable around Malfoy than she did with Harry or Ron. She knew not to think that Malfoy would sit down and listen to her woes of Ron Weasley, but he was a naturally curious person which would help Hermione vent to at least one person.</p><p>He dropped his hand quickly and stood up and took a seat on the chair by the bed. He had looked so formal as he walked swiftly towards the chair like he was floating almost, but of course, he was using his feet. But something about his walk distracted her as he moved in such a fluid motion that it almost looked angelic. His walk told Hermione a lot, like that he was raised in a house full of rules and taught by the most prestigious tutors and raised with wealth. There was also a hit of ruin in the way he walked as he would move forward in a swift motion as almost being able to run away like he had been running away for a long time like he wanted to leave. She knew Malfoy never wanted to be a Death Eater and yet he was walking like he wanted to get away even after the war was done because during the war he even wanted to get away at most points in time.</p><p>"Please don't stain the floorboards with those filthy tears of yours," he said coldly. He was using a tone of sinister power. The words came off his tongue in a flurry of vapors as they sifted through the air to Hermione's ears. She was used to Malfoy using the tone of coldness and pure loathing.</p><p>She ignored him and just thought of what she was going to do. She knew she could go back to America in a few days and that she would be able to return to her apartment and work away in her office all the time in the world. She would be able to go on dates, stay out late, and not think about her friends as they did everything as Hermione was gone and only one of them actually wrote to her. She couldn't wait till she got back to working at MACUSA and being able to stop people who were breaking magical law, to visit Ilvermorny and getting to see all the kids and making sure they had all their equipment and all the things they needed to complete schooling.</p><p>She lifted her head to force herself to look Malfoy in the eyes. She had to force herself to not look at Malfoy with hatred, but with a kinder softer expression, but he was the one with the softer expression which surprised Hermione. She thought she may have been staring because he quickly changed his face to display no emotions.</p><p>"I apologize for crying like this in front of you," she said. Her voice was weak and breaking slowly while she bit her lip to hold back the treacherous sobs that were soon going to betray her and start ripping up her throat.</p><p>"It's quite alright. What happened anyway? Where were you?" She could tell by the look in his eyes that he was merely curious and was not trying to be protective. She knew he would never be protective over her and she quite frankly didn't want him to be protective of her either.</p><p>"I-I." She had trouble bringing back the memory of Ron as she knew it would cause her to start breaking apart. The look on his face as he said he can't forgive her and how those words slipped out of his mouth like they were the easiest thing in the world to say and it pained her to know that Ron could just say that without even bothering to think through what she might think. He just let it out like a monster begging to be released from his appalling cage, to just be set free on the world and cause havoc everywhere it went.</p><p>She squeezed her eyes shut and knew it was better to tell Malfoy now than later.</p><p>"I went to the Weasley's and-and I talked to Ron." She bit her lip and felt the metallic taste of it enter her mouth. She didn't flinch and ignored her bleeding lip. "I asked him one last time for his-his forgiveness. I did terrible things to him and I wish I never did any of it and I know, I know I shouldn't be forgiven, but I just want to be forgiven and I want my friends back."</p><p>She looked at Malfoy and he was staring at her with an impassive expression. He didn't seem bothered by the problem, he was almost neutral about it. He looked at though he had been through the conversation a million times with someone else. He had almost looked like he expected it. She wondered if maybe he used his fireplace to look into the Weasley's house to see her. Or perhaps used Legilimency on her to find out where she was going and why. Maybe he wanted to go there so she could hurt and feel pain.</p><p>That thought leaked through her mind and covered it entirely. It wouldn't be out of Malfoy's personality. He would be the one person who would do such a thing to Hermione, who would watch her in pain for fun. She wondered if he was the one who made her rigid with worry during her wedding, but she remembered that Legilimency was painful to the person whose mind is being sorted through, jumping from memory to memory, looking and hoping to see what they wished. She knew she had been the one to make the decision and Malfoy had somehow seen it without using Legilimency. He had said something about seeing what she was thinking about.</p><p>
  <em>"</em>
  <em>You were torn. I saw it. You need to be able to keep your mind locked so no one else goes through it."</em>
</p><p>She knew that he could do something to her mind without him hurting her? How? Legilimency was supposed to be very complicated and only really worked through the eyes and she hadn't made eye contact with him the whole day. It was quite confusing and she was determined to figure it out.</p><p>"That's what you get for begging the Weasel for forgiveness. If he doesn't forgive that means he doesn't forget. That day is going to be permanently engraved into that little pea of a brain he has," Malfoy snarled.</p><p>She knew there was no point in telling him off because the only person she knew could do that was Astoria and she was dead so she knew that no one could calm him, no one could help him be better, and no one could help him learn to keep his mouth shut.</p><p>"I think I should be begging. What I did to him was horrible and why wouldn't I want to make it up to him?" She was almost confused by Malfoy's remark and she knew that he was going to pile on reasons for her not to go to Ron and ask for forgiveness.</p><p>"Because you left him, Granger. You shouldn't be begging for forgiveness. If you really meant what you said on that day then you shouldn't be running back to Weasley every time you come home."</p><p>He had a fair point. There was no reason for her to go to him and ask him to forgive her just because she wanted to have her friend back. She knew if Ron was really her friend he would've already forgiven her and they would've been friends again. She knew that no matter how hard she pushed Ron and her friendship that there was no way that they would be able to at least tolerate each other long enough to actually have a civil conversation.</p><p>A part of Hermione wanted their friendship to be slightly damaged because that meant that they would probably get into their regular arguments which would turn back into their friendship. Everything would be alright after that, but without Ron forgiving her she would never be able to do it.</p><p>"I don't know, Malfoy, it feels like I should be asking for forgiveness because he was one of my only friends."<br/>"No, he wasn't." He rolled his eyes slightly.</p><p>"And why might you say that?"</p><p>"Because you refuse to believe you have any friends. Everyone in the Ministry likes you. Anyone would be friends with one of you." He almost sounded jealous as he said this and Hermione barely processed it.</p><p>"Malfoy, it's not that easy because half the time they just want to talk to me or be friends because I'm Hermione Granger, Harry Potter's friend. They would just use me to get to Harry."</p><p>She had encountered that at many points in her life. She barely had any friends because they were always asking questions about Harry and the war and none of them ever asked about her. Only a few people knew her obsession with finding the person she smelt in the Amortentia and those people lived in England. Everyone in America would get close to Hermione and then they would start asking about Harry and Ron and ask to meet them and of course, Hermione had to always let them down and tell them that she wasn't on speaking terms with any of them and they would always wallow and complain about it which caused Hermione to completely ignore then and cut them off. They weren't good for her and she knew she shouldn't keep people around who prioritized people they didn't know over her.</p><p>"It is. You see everyone-" He stopped himself before standing up and looking down at her tear-stained face.</p><p>It felt cold in the room so she started shivering. She needed to warm up, to stay warm. She needed something to keep her happy and warm and not cold and dark floating over her.</p><p>"This is why I don't wish for my guests to leave the property. So, you are not permitted to apparate without permission." Malfoy glared at her shivering body and left the room slowly and closed the door behind him.</p><p>She crawled her way up to her bed and threw herself under the heavy dark blankets. She could feel the cold running through her blood like it was a life force causing her to act callus and unfair towards people. She thought it might be some dark magic which would make much sense especially since she was in a house filled with dark magic floating down the corridors and in the walls.</p><p>She needed to rest and rest right away so she let her eyes flutter shut while thinking about the conversation she had with Malfoy.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Anguished</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The funeral came the next day and Hermione was too tired to deal with anyone. She had no clue who was going to be there and she had completely missed dinner the previous night. She was slightly scared to get into her black dress robes and into the ballroom where everyone would be grieving Astoria. Of course, people would be crying and she didn't know if she was in the mood for dozens of weeping people when she was sure half of them didn't even know Astoria, they probably just knew the Malfoys and wanted to impress the wizarding family. She knew if people had the right morals they would only go if they were there to comfort the people who had lost Astoria and Hermione wanted to know if that's why she was there, but she always remembered how close she was with Astoria.</p><p>She got out of bed reluctantly and saw a tray with some food on it. She was slightly confused as to why they would send her breakfast on a tray. She was told when she got a reply from Malfoy that there would be breakfast in the dining room, ready for any guests who were staying at the manor.</p><p>There were Hermione's favorite types of breakfast food, she wondered if a house-elf had been observing her. There was a small pile of bacon that was crisp, a glass of milk, some toast with some butter on it, sunny side up eggs, a green apple, and weirdly a rose in a little vase. She smiled at all her favorite breakfast foods and saw a letter. It read:</p><p>
  <em>Granger,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I figured that you would wish not to come down to breakfast due to the incident yesterday. I asked an elf to bring you breakfast. Be down by 10.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Draco</em>
</p><p>She looked at it a little longer and realized he used his first name to sign off on the note. It confused Hermione because she always called him Malfoy and has probably only called Malfoy Draco once in her life and she never said it around him. It was cause for concern but he probably was too lazy to sign off with the Malfoy signature.</p><p>She quickly at her breakfast and it tasted like everything she'd dreamt of. She let the flavor of bacon burn her throat and the milk cool it down. She ate the green apple happily and ate her eggs and toast. She was a little confused about how he knew that she only liked her eggs sunny side up. Only a few people actually knew how she liked her eggs and it was a rather strange thing for Malfoy to actually know. Whenever she made eggs with her breakfast they were always that way and she always hated eating scrambled eggs. She knew that every time she was given scrambled eggs she'd reject them.</p><p>After breakfast, she decided to take a shower to make herself feel better. The night before she didn't have the energy to get up and take a shower. She stunk from her travels the previous day and was so thankful for the soap and water.</p><p>She lathered herself with her coconut scented body wash and rubbed her strawberry through her hair. She could feel the curls become slightly less bushy as the water rushed over them, like it was calming a sea. She always hated her hair and how it would always get in the way and how she could barely keep it up without the elastic breaking. She always had to suffer through it. She had tried to Sleekeazy's hair potion but it never stayed like the way Harry did when he used the potion. It would always be flying in her face at the most inconvenient times, but she never had the courage to cut it. She liked the way that she could brush her hands through her hair even if they got stuck. She felt like her hair was a part of her personality and it clearly was.</p><p>She stepped out of the shower and wrapped a towel around her. She felt the water drip down her back from her hair and she already missed the feeling of the warm water pounding down on her back. She always thought through everything when she showered and it was a force of habit when she stayed in there for twenty minutes at a time.</p><p>She opened the door to her room so she could get her robes when she stopped in her tracks and clutched onto her towel harder because Malfoy was standing in the room.</p><p>"What are you doing here?" Hermione asked. She badly just wanted to turn around and jump through the window because she was very well embarrassed about the situation. "I'm naked!"</p><p>Malfoy looked up from the floor and didn't seem fazed at all by the fact that she was in just a towel. He wasn't looking at her with need like every guy in this situation would, but he seemed like he had seen her in her towel before, but he truly hadn't because Hermione would know if he did.</p><p>"Did you eat breakfast?" Malfoy said. He turned around and started to look at the books on the shelves, sometimes picking one up and flipping through the pages.</p><p>"Yes. Now if you'll please leave, I am naked like I said before." Hermione didn't like that he didn't respect her privacy and just came in whenever he wanted to. It was his house, but she was also his guest which was extremely disrespectful towards guests and that would make him a bad host.</p><p>Hermione knew that he wouldn't intentionally be a bad host because the Malfoys were all raised to be good hosts, to throw big, large parties. They were all spoiled and all knew how to throw a good party, clearly not the type of people a lot of people like.</p><p>"You have a towel on." He turned to face Hermione and again didn't even look her up and down in a masochistic way. He didn't even look like he was having thoughts about doing anything and every man Hermione had ever met would do the opposite if they saw her in a towel. They would all drop what they were doing and pick her up and throw her onto the bed. Well, at least that's what Ron did.</p><p>"Yes, but there is nothing beneath this towel." She rolled her eyes and gripped her towel tighter as she was terrified about what would happen next.</p><p>"And the point is?"</p><p>"You have no thoughts going through your mind about me in a towel? To be fair I'm only thinking about that because every man I've ever met would run towards me if I was standing in front of them with a towel on."</p><p>"Then I guess I'm no man, I might as well just be a chicken," he sneered. She didn't know if he was supposed to be making a joke or not because his tone was thoroughly confusing.</p><p>"Haha very funny, Malfoy. Why are you here?" She wanted him to answer her question and get out of there because it was very uncomfortable for Hermione.</p><p>"I was just wondering if you got my note," he said in his posh voice.</p><p>"Yes and if that's all, Malfoy then please leave."</p><p>"This is my house."</p><p>"And yet you're in your guest's room while they are in a towel and you are refusing to leave while they are feeling very uncomfortable so, Malfoy will you please respect my privacy and leave?"</p><p>"And who said I was done?" He looked at her and tilted his head to the side with a smile playing on his lips. It was unusual to see a smile even started to form on Malfoy's face but maybe he was just happy, even though it was the day of his wife's funeral.</p><p>She stood there in silence and let him finish.</p><p>"I was just asking if you could say something about Astoria since her sister got called away for work and I couldn't think of anyone else to give a speech." He was now looking at the ground and he would look up a few times and every time he did Hermione felt weaker and weaker. He didn't deserve this. Malfoy had grown up in a rich family under the constant struggle of a father who was for sure abusive, his mother never stopped his father but loved him either way. He was forced into becoming a Death Eater to prove to Voldemort that he could count on the Malfoys and mainly because Malfoy's job was to kill Dumbledore and Malfoy wanted to make his father proud.</p><p>He found love shortly after the war and fell head over heels for the girl. She was a few years younger than him, but he really loved her nonetheless. Their relationship blossomed at school and with their little school crushes on each other they eventually got together and Hermione was happy for them. It hurt her to think about how Malfoy had finally found someone that he could count on to make him better and then her dying at a tragically young age. He never asked for a life like this. He had no choice.</p><p>"Of course. Is that all?" She said a little more softly. With her mind traveling at a thousand miles per hour it didn't surprise her that her voice became quieter and softer nonetheless.</p><p>"I didn't want her to leave me," he said quietly. It looked like the funeral finally hit him and he realized that she wasn't coming back.</p><p>"I know you didn't," she replied. It was quiet and he was standing there looking on the verge of tears.</p><p>He flicked his wand and said an unknown spell and Hermione was in her clothes. She had never seen it happen but he probably knew it would make her more comfortable if she was wearing clothes.</p><p>"She was pregnant, I was going to have a little boy." He looked at Hermione with the most devastating look that anyone could give. She could see his eyes start to glitter with tears.</p><p>"And you would've been a great father. It's not your fault that she's gone." She felt tears fall from her eyes. She could barely stand there and see Malfoy look so lost. He looked as though he would never live a happy life again.</p><p>"No, she's gone because of me." He could now barely look at Hermione.</p><p>She walked over to him and his jaw clenched. She hesitantly placed a hand on his face. She titled his face to look at hers.</p><p>"It's not your fault," she said softly.</p><p>His eyes dug deeper into her as they became softer. He realized what he was doing and walked away to stand farther away from Hermione. He was angry.</p><p>"It is my fault, Hermione! I got her pregnant and I didn't take good enough care of her! She was mine! And she's gone and I never told her how much she meant to me!" He looked so devastated and broken that Hermione couldn't help but let out a quiet sob. "I left her that day. I told her I'd be back, I swore! And when I came back she wanted to go to the library so I took her and then she was having pains and then she-she died. I never told her how much I cared for her." He stopped in his tracks and kept his eyes focused on the floor.</p><p>"You didn't do anything, Malfoy. You told me you guys had trouble conceiving and that your family had a past with bad pregnancies. It's not your fault."</p><p>He broke just then and started to sob. "It-it was my fault, I did it to her."</p><p>Hermione couldn't help but go up to Malfoy and pull him into a hug.</p><p>He accepted the hug and dug his head into her neck as he cried and cried.</p><p>She felt even worse because Malfoy believed it was his fault that Astoria died and it wasn't his fault, it was no one's fault. She knew Malfoy was always one to be possessive over the things he loved and would feel responsible if something happened to anything of his.</p><p>It hurt her to see him suffering like this. He had been through enough and he didn't need to suffer anymore. She knew that he just needed to be wanted, to be cared for. His family wouldn't talk to him because he changed his beliefs and thought muggles were the same as wizards and he married the woman who did that to him. He was alone and he needed to be cared for and loved. Something everyone needed. Hermione knew that she hadn't been cared for in a year, but she felt the need to be alone and not let anyone care for her, but Malfoy felt like the other way. He felt like he needed to have someone there for him to talk to and enjoy their company. He needed someone to hold him when he cried, he needed someone to rant to. Hermione knew she could never be that person to someone and she knew she needed to help Malfoy find someone like that, but she didn't know.</p><p>She breathed in and smelt the cologne that she loved so much. She didn't stop holding him but her eyes widened as she realized something. The cologne that Malfoy wore was the exact same as her Amortentia scent and the same as the rose and she was given a green apple at breakfast, all she was waiting for was the peppermint.</p><p>She let the thought sink in and she came to the conclusion that Malfoy was the one she smelt in the Amortentia. Malfoy was the person who most attracted her and she could smell him in that Amortentia and she didn't care anymore. She just held onto Malfoy as he cried.</p>
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<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Funeral</h2></a>
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    <p>Hermione put on her black dress robes for the funeral and tried to keep the thought of Malfoy crying in front of her. The memory tore through her brain as she could hear him sobbing in her arms. She had never seen him fall apart as he did, but it hurt her for some reason. She knew that she had smelt Malfoy in her Amortentia, but she didn't know why. It hurt her. Seeing him breaking apart. Seeing him remember his wife and seeing his face as he blamed himself for her death when it really wasn't his fault.</p><p>She kept her mind away from it and thought about how she smelt Malfoy in the Amortentia. The rich smell of him clouded her senses for the past year and she would brew what smelt like him every morning. She loved to wake up and smell her Amortentia because it meant that she would eventually find the right person who smelt exactly like that. She was always hopeful about him. She wanted to find him in America so then her friends wouldn't know them and then they couldn't bash them if they didn't know them. But the fact that it was Malfoy made her uneasy.</p><p>He had done bad things during the war and tried all sixth year to kill Dumbledore. He was a Death Eater. He was vile and cruel. He used slurs against her and bullied her for all of her years at Hogwarts, even her eighth year a little bit. But the odd thing was that she never really stopped him until third year. Yes, Ron and Harry would get mad at him and threaten him, but the worst she did was slap him. She knew that he had only been rude to her and unkind throughout her whole life and she couldn't forget those memories. They were engraved into her brain and they would never leave. She wanted them gone so that she could actually believe that Malfoy would be a good thing for her, but she didn't know.</p><p>She felt slightly terrible for smelling him in the Amortentia. She knew that he was a widower and she just felt horrible that she realized she smelt him the day of his wife's funeral. It was a terrible feeling to have. Knowing that the person you are attracted to most had their wife die barely a week ago and just figuring out that it was them the day of the funeral. No one could have it worse.</p><p>She let her bushy hair out and didn't bother to tame it. She wasn't ready to face Malfoy again.</p><p>Before Malfoy left he stopped crying and pulled out of her arms right away and gave her a glare as he left the room.</p><p>She wanted to pull him back into a hug and comfort him until he felt better because that would make her feel better for smelling him in the Amortentia. She knew she shouldn't so she held herself back and let him walk out of the room before starting to get changed and ready for the funeral.</p><p>She had to squeeze her eyes shut before grabbing her handbag and shoving some tissues in them before leaving the room. She needed them because she just knew she would cry. She also had to speak about Astoria and she wasn't sure if she would be able to. She did know Astoria well, because of her eighth year, but she never thought that she would live long enough to actually have to talk to dozens of people about the girl she tutored in eighth year who had a huge crush on Draco Malfoy. She always wanted Astoria to live a happy long life with Malfoy and their future children and that thought was a pain in Hermione's head because she would remember Malfoy saying that she was pregnant with a little boy.</p><p>She pictured Malfoy with a little blond boy who was playing with his wand. He would flick it and nothing would happen till Malfoy would take the wand, laugh, and flick it and something would happen. She could picture the little boy starting Hogwarts with Astoria hugging him and Malfoy giving him a smile and some wise words before school. She could see it.</p><p>She shoved that thought into the very back of her mind and remembered that Malfoy would never be a father and that he would have to live the rest of his days alone without his wife. He couldn't picture Malfoy holding his son and having the time of his life, she couldn't handle it.</p><p>She held her wand in her hand and apparated into the ballroom where the ceremony was taking place. It was decorated with chairs and white flowers on the ends of the rows of black chairs. People were wearing black and crying as a picture of Astoria was hanging up next to the pulpit.</p><p>Astoria looked so alive in that picture. She had a hand on her stomach which had a small bulge to it and Malfoy was standing beside her with a little smirk. She looked as beautiful as ever. Her complexion was fair and her skin was tanned. Her brown hair was curled and she was wearing a white dress with pink flowers on it. She moved back and forth breaking into laughter and then returning to standing there with a smile on her face.</p><p>Oh, how Hermione missed Astoria's fits of laughter. They would always be kicked out by Madam Pince due to her starting to laugh. Hermione would say something from a textbook and she would just laugh. She was a happy person and Malfoy seemed so alive around her, he would laugh with her. Astoria always knew how to light up a room with her smile. She always dazzled the boys at Hogwarts with her smile and laughter, she was constantly asked out, but of course, she had her eyes on Malfoy.</p><p>Hermione closed her eyes for a second to hold back the tears that were welding up. She didn't know if she could speak about Astoria without sobbing uncontrollably. She missed her and couldn't believe that the young sixth year was dead and never coming back. She never got to hold her child. She never got to see Malfoy hold their child. She never got to grow old with the love of her life and that was heartbreaking.</p><p>A hand grabbed her arm tightly and started to drag her away. She was so confused for a second until she saw Malfoy dragging her to a secluded area.</p><p>She was slightly worried by what he wanted. Was he going to cry again? She didn't know if she could help him while she would be crying too.</p><p>She pulled her arm out of his grip and looked at him in the eyes intently.</p><p>"What do you want, Malfoy?"</p><p>His sharp jaw clenched and he lowered his head so he could be closer to Hermione's face. She could feel his warm breath on her face and she didn't know if she liked it or not, but she smelt the last thing in her Amortentia, peppermint. Maybe he had a peppermint toothpaste or ate a peppermint.</p><p>"Don't say a word about what happened in your room," he said firmly. He was looking at her with complete annoyance because he probably thought that she would say something.</p><p>"It's okay to fall apart, Malfoy. No one will care, you know that right. And I was never intending on telling anyone because I knew you wouldn't want me to."</p><p>"Wow Granger actually has some self-control for once in her life," he scoffed.</p><p>He stood up and Hermione realized how tall he actually was. She thought that she probably looked tiny to him. She was so short and skinny and he was so tall and muscular. He must've done a lot of working out when he was a Death Eater because he looked so fit and it looked like he was still on that workout plan.</p><p>"Will you shut it, Malfoy? Who would I tell?" She was offended by his remark because she was good at keeping secrets.</p><p>"I don't know, maybe Potter and Weasley."</p><p>"And if you knew anything about me, Malfoy, you would know that I'm not on speaking terms with them, or were you deaf last night when I was talking about Ron."</p><p>He clenched his jaw again and looked at her and said, "I forgot."</p><p>"Well next time listen you asshole."</p><p>"What did you call me?" he said. He was full-on glaring at her now like he wanted to hex her into oblivion. She could tell that he would do anything to just get rid of her at that moment, and that just proved her theory about him being an asshole.</p><p>"An asshole." She was done with his glares and his scoffs. "Because you are one and you've been one for as long as I've known you."</p><p>He looked defeated as he took in what she said. "You don't mean that," he said slowly.</p><p>"What do you mean? I've never liked you. Why would I?" She kept her voice quiet enough for people not to hear in on their argument.</p><p>The look in his eyes returned and he was angry. "Never mind," he said as he turned around and walked away.</p><p>She took a deep breath and tried to focus on the speech she had to say shortly. She didn't know if she was able to do it. She was mad at Malfoy and she was sure she would start talking about how rude and unkind he was. She had to restrain herself and talk about Astoria and how great she was, which wouldn't be hard.</p><p>She took a seat near the front and clutched onto her handbag as she watched an elderly wizard go to the front and layout a book. She banished all thoughts about Malfoy as he started talking.</p><p>"It is with great sorrow that we all had to gather here today to remember the life of Astoria Malfoy. Now Astoria was always a happy girl as I am told and she was always messing around with people like her. . ."</p><p>He went on for what felt like an hour till he finally called up her parents who gave a long speech about how Astoria did what they thought she would never do which was mainly them saying that they were displeased to see her marry Malfoy and have beliefs about muggles that they didn't, but in a nice way to honor her memory.</p><p>Hermione was finally called up and she slowly walked to the pulpit. She had tissues in her hands and left her handbag on her chair so no one would take it just in case.</p><p>She looked at the crowd of people and had to remember that it was just like talking to the MACUSA employees who dealt with her department.</p><p>"Astoria Malfoy. I have so many things to say about her. I got to know her really well when I was in my eighth year at Hogwarts and I tutored her. She was so lively and always looked for the good in everyone. She was unbearably sweet and always thought of other people. You would've mistaken her for a Hufflepuff." Some people laughed. "Astoria had this huge crush on Malfoy and when I say huge I mean huge." Her eyes wandered to Malfoy and his eyes were locked on hers and she could see the tears starting to cloud his vision. "Whenever I was in the library tutoring her Malfoy would appear and watch her. She would talk to me about it and I would tell her to stay away but of course, she never did. She was always talking about him and I think he was the light of her life.</p><p>"After the war, Astoria was damaged and didn't know if she would be able to find herself again, but during her sixth year she found herself and she took the time to get to know people again and help them be their best, she did that for me. She helped me when I was going through a tough time and I'm sure her classmates that are here today also got help from her, she always wanted to help.</p><p>"If I said that I knew it was her time to go I would be lying." Her eyes stayed on Malfoys and he kept him on hers. "She had so much life to live and she was going to have a little boy." She felt the tears start to run down her cheeks. "She was happy, she had found her home and she was taken from this world too soon. She will be gone from our life but never gone from our hearts because she lives on. May Astoria rest in peace."</p><p>She grabbed her tissues and ran away from the pulpit as fast as she could, desperate to getaway. She gripped her wand tighter and apparated away as soon as she could.</p><p>She appeared outside of the Potter's house by accident and pounded on the door as hard as she could. She was sobbing and couldn't stop.</p><p>"Coming!" called Harry's voice.</p><p>He opened the door and saw Hermione in tears. He hesitated before pulling Hermione into his arms and sitting down on the front step as he held her. He brushed the hair out of her face and she continued to cry into Harry's chest.</p><p>She couldn't believe that Astoria was gone and she didn't know how she could keep a straight face without a good friend sending her letters.</p><p>"I'm here, Mione, I'm here, shhh." Harry rocked her back and forth and laid a kiss on her head to try to calm her down.</p><p>"I missed you, Harry," Hermione choked out between her sobs.</p><p>"I missed you too, Hermione."</p>
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<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Isn't it Sad</h2></a>
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    <p>Harry held onto Hermione and let her sob for what felt like hours.</p><p>She felt so lost. She thought everything would get better after the war, but they didn't feel like they did. The people she loved when she went back to Hogwarts were gone. She always mourned them, but this felt different to her. She missed everyone, even Colin Creevey, the annoying first year who always asked for pictures of Harry, she missed all of them.</p><p>"Harry?" Ginny called. "James is crying and I need to feed Albus an-" she stopped once she saw Harry holding onto Hermione. "Hermione?"</p><p>Hermione just wanted to tune Ginny out. The last time she talked to her Ginny yelled at her for doing Ron wrong which was totally true, but she was just cruel. She loved her brother and would do anything to protect him, even yell at Hermione, her best friend. She knew that one day Hermione would come back, but Hermione didn't want to find out if Ginny would yell and say Ron isn't fixed.</p><p>"Hermione, what's wrong?" Ginny sat next to Harry and Hermione didn't look at Ginny as she just dug her head into Harry more and Harry stroked her back up and down to try to comfort her.</p><p>Hermione knew she couldn't form the words to explain why she was crying and she knew Harry wouldn't be one to ask her. She knew that Harry wasn't very good with feelings, but he could tell when someone was down and needed to be comforted because that had been him most of his life.</p><p>Harry was good at taking care of people because of all the trauma that happened throughout his life. Throughout his years at Hogwarts, he learned to appreciate people more and to cherish them, and never let them go. He clung tight to Ron and Hermione and knew that if anything would happen to them that he wouldn't need comforting, he would just need to ignore the problem.</p><p>That was the difference between Harry and Hermione. Hermione was one to keep to herself till she broke and then she needed someone to at least tell her she's crazy, but Harry needed no one. When Sirius died Harry just cut himself off from everyone and would barely talk to anyone, not even Lupin. He felt so lost and he needed help, but Harry being Harry just tried to ignore the problem and push through it.</p><p>Hermione knew Harry still had nightmares about everyone who died in the war and that he so badly wished that he died in the war so he didn't have to remember the people that were lost. The nightmares occurred all through his years at Hogwarts but each and every day he seemed to be getting more and more nightmares as he told Hermione about them in their letters.</p><p>For Harry remembering the past meant torture, pain, and nightmares. He would dream about the times they died. He could still clearly remember Sirius falling into the veil and taking one last look at his godson while he watched him die. He remembered hearing Sirius laugh and then being hit by the killing curse. She knew that he saw Lupin lying there next to Tonks every day and night and didn't stop dreaming about them.</p><p>Every one of them.</p><p>He always felt like it was his fault that they all died, but people kept telling him over and over again that it wasn't his fault and he just witnessed it. But Harry would always tell them that if the first killing curse had killed him then everyone would be fine, but everyone knew that for Voldemort to be killed Harry had to be there.</p><p>"Gin, go back inside, I've got her," Harry said. He kept rocking Hermione in his arms and Hermione didn't know how more and more tears came flooding from her eyes.</p><p>"I want to help."</p><p>"Get, Mione a blanket then. Thanks, Ginny."</p><p>Ginny got up and left and Harry dug his head into Hermione's hair.</p><p>She remembered the time that Harry had been by her, doing the same thing when Ron and Lavender were together in school and Hermione was jealous of it. Harry knew exactly what to do, he had always been there for her. Harry was always there as a shoulder to cry on and he never said no to it because Harry always wanted to help people.</p><p>Eventually, the crying stopped and Ginny brought out a blanket and some tea. She left shortly after and didn't try to make amends with Hermione like she was still mad at her.</p><p>"What happened, Hermione?" Harry asked.</p><p>She looked at him for a second and saw the boy that was always by her side and was always her friend even when they were fighting. They barely fought in school, Ron did all the fighting in the friend group. He was always welcoming to Hermione and he was the one after the troll that let her sit with them. She had barely any friends at Hogwarts during her first two months there and Harry had been the first person to ask to sit with them.</p><p>She braced herself and she knew that no more tears would fall from her face because she had cried all the tears that she had.</p><p>"Astoria Malfoy died."</p><p>"Her-"</p><p>"And I know that you don't care that she died, but I was fairly close with her. I had to make a speech at the funeral because someone backed out and I just couldn't handle it, it was too much."</p><p>She didn't know how Harry would take this because he disliked all Malfoys, whether or not they married into the family. Hermione thought he would at least tolerate some of them because Draco saved him from Voldemort and so did Narcissa. They were nothing, but kind during the war because they realized they were on the wrong side of the whole thing.</p><p>The Malfoys regretted everything.</p><p>"Funerals are hard," was all he said. It was like he couldn't think of anything else to say to comfort her.</p><p>She laid her head on his shoulder and they looked down the muggle street.</p><p>She missed Harry dearly and wished that they never became distant, even if they always sent letters to each other. She knew that she was an empty hole when she couldn't rant to Harry or help him through his problems.</p><p>She missed the days when she would sit in the common room with him and Ron and do school work. They would always end up goofing around and Hermione would put them back into place. They would ask to copy her homework and she would always say no. She remembered those days really well.</p><p>Her school years weren't always the best but they were always action-packed, especially with Harry Potter as a best friend.</p><p>The troll at Halloween.</p><p>Fluffy.</p><p>The Philosopher's Stone.</p><p>The Chamber of Secrets.</p><p>Dementors.</p><p>Sirius Black on the loose.</p><p>The Time-Turner.</p><p>The Tri-Wizard tournament.</p><p>The DA.</p><p>The break-in at the Ministry.</p><p>The Battle of the Astronomy Tower.</p><p>The forest.</p><p>Hunting Horcruxes.</p><p>Destroying Voldemort.</p><p>She never had a quiet year in her life and the years after leaving Hogwarts felt so empty. She missed the adventure, she missed the fun. She missed being in mortal danger every year because you were Harry's best friend. She missed the adrenaline that she would get when dueling.</p><p>She often wished her quiet years when she was at school and once she had experienced her eighth year she never wanted another quiet year, but as the years went by life tended to get more and more boring.</p><p>It was a relief to know that she won't die at any second and neither will her family, but it makes you feel empty. Like there's a part of her missing because she's been off the battlefield for so long. She missed it all and she was so thankful that it was over and Voldemort was dead, but a part of her wanted it back.</p><p>"Do you ever miss it?" Hermione said.</p><p>"Miss what?"</p><p>"The days when we were just kids trying to figure out who the Heir of Slytherin was? When we were just young and didn't know what life meant?"</p><p>He sat there thinking for a second about his past and everything that had happened. The good. The bad and all of it in between.</p><p>"All the time."</p><p>"Those days were quite shitty if I'm being honest." She laughed.</p><p>He chuckled slightly.</p><p>"They were, but those were the days before everyone was gone."</p><p>"When we were just kids."</p><p>"When we had no responsibilities."</p><p>"When we would spend days practicing accio in McGonagall's office."</p><p>"That year was shitty, don't remind me of it."</p><p>"Poor Cedric. I wonder where he would be now if he was still here."</p><p>Harry pondered that for a minute.</p><p>"I'm guessing he would live on a farm with Cho and have tons of kids." She could hear Harry's voice get heavier. Talking about Cedric was always hard for him because he was the first person he watched die that he could remember. "I imagine him with two boys and three girls."</p><p>"He would spoil those girls rotten."</p><p>"He would."</p><p>They sat there in silence.</p><p>She could feel Harry's breath get heavier and wondered if he was thinking about the life Cedric Diggory could've had if he didn't die at the hands of Wormtail.</p><p>Her mind wandered back to Astoria and she found herself regretting even bringing up Cedric.</p><p>"It was all supposed to stop," she said.</p><p>She wanted it all to stop. She wanted everyone to stop dying and breathe and live a happy life.</p><p>She wanted Astoria to give birth to her son and live a happy life with a little blond boy that would always laugh as he sat upon his father's shoulders. A smile on Astoria's face as the boy tugs at Malfoy's hair.</p><p>"It never stops," Harry said simply.</p><p>She knew she could trust Harry because he had experienced loss more than anyone in her life. His parents died when he was a baby. He lost these two father figures. He lost his mentor. He lost the people he trusted most in his life and she didn't know how he did it. It felt like almost an impossible task for her to just think about one woman dying due to her child without tearing up.</p><p>Harry was strong.</p><p>He didn't break down every time he thought of Sirius. He may always think of it, but he never did. He'd learned to deal with trauma and learned to push past all of it. He would always remember Sirius and there would be one day when he would remember Sirius and completely lose it and just fall apart.</p><p>"How are you so strong? How can you live every day without missing them?"</p><p>"I miss them, Mione. Every day. Every night I look at the picture of me on a little broomstick flying through the air with my parents watching me, smiling. I look at my firebolt and think of Sirius. I eat chocolate and I think of Remus. And every time I look in the mirror I see my mom and dad from that picture. Every time I cast a spell I think of Dumbledore. I miss them more than anything in this world. Ginny doesn't know this, but I sometimes go to Grimmauld Place and look at Sirius's room and I fall apart, I'm not strong, I just keep a smile on my face during the day and fall apart at night. I can barely live with myself when I remember them."</p><p>Hermione was wrong. She thought she knew Harry so well and how he never cried about those people.</p><p>"Why does life have to be so hard on us?" Hermione said with a half-hearted laugh.</p><p>"Because we were chosen for this life. And I wouldn't give it up for the world."</p><p>"I love you, Harry."</p><p>Harry looked at Hermione and she could see the tears welling up in his eyes.</p><p>"I love you too, Hermione."</p><p>Harry pulled Hermione into a hug again and held her there.</p><p>She didn't want to go back to the manor where the memories of Astoria would be. She didn't know if she could.</p><p>She clutched onto Harry in the meantime.</p><p>She needed her best friend and he was there, holding her tight.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Pug Face</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>When Hermione returned back to the manor she packed as fast as she could. She would stay anywhere but where the memory of Astoria laid. It was like it was filling her lungs with water and drowning her. Suffocating. She felt like she was suffocating. She wanted to come up for fresh air but being at Malfoy Manor held her under the water, waiting for the inevitable.</p><p>She went upstairs and decided to suffer through talking to some of Astoria's family and friends.</p><p>It was a big event and seemed even bigger when she walked back into the ballroom and saw people talking to each other animatedly. It seemed unreal that they could just naturally talk to each other with smiles on their faces when the light of Malfoy's life had just died and there was no way of getting her back. She thought it didn't represent her well enough, but she figured it was just her head messing about.</p><p>"Hey, Hermione!" said a man's voice.</p><p>Hermione snapped her head and saw a smiling Neville Longbottom with Hannah Abbott trailing behind him, holding onto his hand. He seemed like the same Neville that she went to Hogwarts with. He was happy and still looked the same. That round face gave off a lot of energy after the war. He was successful and working at Hogwarts. He had a fiance as well and was just so happy.</p><p>"Hello, Neville," she said with a smile.</p><p>Hannah looked a tad bored. She didn't know Astoria. Neville and Astoria had bonded a little after Astoria had put Malfoy in his ways and stopped bullying Neville. By then Neville didn't care about being constantly tortured by the Carrows. He was left unaffected when Malfoy would bully him in eighth year.</p><p>"How's America been to you?" His smile radiated from his face and Hermione could feel no smile on her face as she looked back at her childhood friend from Hogwarts. The very one who helped win the house cup in first year due to standing up to her, Harry and Ron.</p><p>Hermione got momentarily distracted when she saw Malfoy talking to Pansy Parkinson while looking at her. She tried to keep her eyes down, but couldn't help but watch the way that Malfoy would look at her. There was such a soft look to his eyes, it was odd to watch and then Pansy would say something and he'd look at her and roll his eyes slightly.</p><p>Hermione was confused so she said, "Sorry, Neville. It was great to see you again, but I see someone I need to talk to."</p><p>Neville nodded and then walked away with Hannah trailing behind him. She still didn't look too happy to be there.</p><p>"Draco, you don't know if she won't remember," Pansy said. She didn't notice Hermione coming close by.</p><p>"She won't remember," Malfoy said.</p><p>He turned his body to face Pansy and away from Hermione.</p><p>"Draco, you can't think like that. There are ways for her to remember."</p><p>Remember what?</p><p>"No there isn't," he growled. "Now cut it out, Pansy. She's listening."</p><p>Pansy stuck her head over Malfoy's shoulder and smiled at her. It was oddly creepy. She had never seen Pansy try to smile nicely. The sight was slightly terrifying to be honest. The smile looked unnatural on Pansy's face.</p><p>She pushed Malfoy's shoulder slightly and walked up to Hermione. She was a little taller than her and had dark hair and dark eyes that would always radiate evil energy. She bullied Hermione in school as well and it was odd to see her act so nice.</p><p>"Hello, Granger," she said.</p><p>Malfoy stood behind her and watched Hermione's eyes as she looked at Pansy. She could see him from the corner of her eye and he wasn't giving off his tough evil boy energy anymore but pure curiosity.</p><p>"Hello, Pansy. How have you been?" She really didn't care to know how she had been but she wanted to know what she was talking to Malfoy about.</p><p>"I'm normal, Granger. But what has been going on in the life of Hermione Granger? The mudblood who ran away as soon as she was under pressure."</p><p>Hermione stopped for a second to take in her words. She seemed to be acting so nice to her but then she called her a mudblood and that was disgusting. What was wrong with Pansy? And why did she care what she had done? Nothing ever made sense with Pansy Parkinson as she was just as cruel and vile as Malfoy had been to her. She never took the time to learn more about Pansy as she was attached to Malfoy by the hip. She would follow him everywhere and he would be so annoyed with her that he had eventually yelled at her in eighth year which gave Malfoy detention and house points taken away.</p><p>She was never a humble person so it didn't surprise Hermione that she used that slur and insulted her. She was prepared for it, she was just wondering what she was reassuring Malfoy of.</p><p>"You know the normal. Actually, I recently did a study and I found that people with a pug face actually don't live past the age of thirty. Have fun with that, pug face." She grinned at her and rolled her eyes.</p><p>"What did you just call me?" Pansy was turning red with anger. It was fuming around her and anyone could sense it.</p><p>"Pug face."</p><p>"Pansy, come." Malfoy grabbed her arm and she looked at him and started to walk with him.</p><p>Hermione was very curious about what Malfoy was worried about. Someone had clearly forgotten their memory and it wasn't her. But it was her. She thought maybe it was his mom and she had some sort of disease altering her memory, but wizards were immune to normal sicknesses like that. He was worried by the look on his face and he thought that he'd never see her with her memories back. He wanted to get them back and just by his facial expressions it was probably true.</p><p>She thought that it could just be something like someone forgetting someone's birthday. Maybe someone had forgotten to bring the dip and that saddened Malfoy because he really liked the dip.</p><p>She ruled that out immediately because there was no way that he was stressing over someone forgetting to bring the dip. Who would? He had house-elves to just bring him some more dip.</p><p>***</p><p>She collapsed on her bed and wanted to just shut her eyes. She couldn't remember everything she had talked about with Harry and Astoria's funeral. It would bring her to tears and she didn't want to cry for about the millionth time. It was getting a little concerning how many times Hermione had cried in the last 12 hours.</p><p>They sure were eventful. She visited the Weasley's and was told she would never be forgiven. Malfoy cried in front of her and she held him. She realized Malfoy was who she smelt in the Amortentia. She went through a funeral. And she went to Harry who gave her a hug and held her till her tears dried up and she had no more energy to cry.</p><p>She lingered on the Amortentia once again and tried to imagine ways to see if he smelt her in the Amortentia. She knew that she was leaving the next day and there would be no time to actually brew Amortentia and somehow ask him to smell it and describe the smell to her. She would put too much thought into it which would cause a problem because she would be acting oddly.</p><p>She went over to the vase that was still there that was given to her at breakfast and smelt the rose. She could smell the sweet smell as the roses gave off a very distinct smell.</p><p>She didn't hate the idea of Malfoy being the one she smelled in the Amortentia too much. She didn't enjoy it but she knew that if she tried hard enough she could at least get along with the man, after all, he had been through a lot and he needed someone there for him. She would gladly say yes to helping him, but she knew that Malfoy probably worked the same way as Harry as he would ignore his problems instead of facing them head on.</p><p>It was past ten and so Hermione took her jeans and a light pink jumper and pulled them on.</p><p>She decided that it was time to adventure the manor so she grabbed her wand and opened the door.</p><p>She needed a distraction and she knew that this would help enough. It would help keep her mind away from her problems. She wanted to look at the old artifacts and look through the corridors and into different rooms. She knew she would eventually bump into Malfoy and he would tell her to go to bed and she would just ignore him and push past him. He didn't control her in any way shape or form.</p><p>She didn't know where she was exactly but her wand was lighting up the corridor. The black carpets and the black walls gave off a little bit of a haunting vibe but she tried to ignore the creepiness of the floors and walls.</p><p>She heard a voice in a wall and there were no doors nearby so she figured that there was a hidden door. She wouldn't go looking for it because that would be rude and not kind of her so she kept quiet and placed her ear to the wall.</p><p>"Nobody cares whether she remembers or not except you," said the faint voice of Pansy Parkinson.</p><p>The memory of her calling Hermione a mudblood popped into her mind and she wanted to find the door, open it and hex Pansy till she wouldn't be able to walk again. That would give Hermione a sense of power.</p><p>"You don't understand! I don't know how much longer I can last without her knowing," Malfoy said.</p><p>Hermione was very interested now so she pushed her ear as hard as she could to the wall so she could hear what else they were talking about.</p><p>"Draco, you've lived a full year and a half without her knowing, it won't make a difference whether she remembers or not."</p><p>She could hear Malfoy's feet start pacing around the room.</p><p>"It does to me. Have you ever had the thing you cared for most ripped from you?"</p><p>"Yes."</p><p>"And who is that?"</p><p>"You."</p><p>Hermione could basically feel the tension from outside of the room. She was glad she didn't go into the room when Pansy was confessing her love for him. She knew it would be completely awkward and then she would be cursed.</p><p>"Pansy, that was almost ten years ago." She could hear the indifference in Malfoy's voice.</p><p>"And during those ten years, I've missed you every day. Draco, I've loved you since third year."</p><p>Hermione couldn't believe what she was hearing. She knew that Pansy had always fawned over Malfoy, but she didn't know that Pansy had fallen so hard for him. He wasn't that good of a person and it was completely different now because they were both in their mid-twenties. She could hear in Malfoy's voice that he didn't like the sound of her confessing her feelings for him. He was clearly over her, but she kept clinging on.</p><p>"Pansy, you know I can't. I haven't felt anything for you since, let me see, never." Harsh blow.</p><p>She felt a little bad for Pansy because she was just rejected by Malfoy and she clearly had feelings for him, but he wouldn't see them.</p><p>"No because of that stupid little girl you've had eyes for since sixth year. She's not getting her memories back and I hope you know that, Draco. And when you realize that, this will be ready for you whenever you want to play."</p><p>She heard the door open and apparated out of the corridor faster than you can say Dumbledore.</p><p>She got back to her room and sat in the armchair and flicked open a book to read.</p><p>She didn't even have time to think people there was another <em>pop </em>and Malfoy was in the room.</p><p>She looked at him and he didn't seem to enter her thoughts. Instead, he held out a roll of parchment without saying anything, but a look of despair in his eyes. She took the parchment and read it quickly.</p><p>
  <em>Dear Mr. Malfoy and Miss Granger,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>It has come to my attention that Miss Granger has come back home from America and we here at the Ministry would love to get to see her again. Her work at the MACUSA seems very well done and we are happy to see her take the lead and return home. Of course, we know that she returned home due to unfortunate circumstances. We are sorry for your loss, Mr. Malfoy.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>We cordially invite Miss Granger to come and visit the Ministry once again and ask if she would like to give a brief presentation on how MACUSA works and how it has influenced the wizarding world.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>We have mandated that Miss Granger is to stay with Mr. Malfoy till we have finished and completed our time with you.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>We hope to see you both there.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Kingsley Shacklebolt</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Minister for Magic</em>
</p><p>"I guess you'll be staying with me for a while, Granger." He looked slightly pleased, but there was a hint of reluctance to his look. He was so hard to read.</p><p>"I guess I am."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Chapter 14</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The next morning Hermione lay in bed and thought about the night before and her new arrangements.</p><p>She was thankful that she didn't have to at least take a portkey home and happy that she would be able to see Harry and Ginny again, but she would have to create a presentation.</p><p>She wasn't mad about it because the MACUSA were doing great things, she was just a little bit nervous about seeing those people in the Ministry that she hadn't seen in a while. She would get to be reunited with Percy, who had become close with Hermione and she would be able to look at how the Ministry had changed. She wanted to see what Kingsley had done new.</p><p>She didn't know if she wanted to stay with Malfoy, but she knew that she had to make adjustments to be able to see her friends, but she was a little bit happy. She knew Malfoy would do what the Minister said for the sake of proving his loyalty.</p><p>Ever since the war, Kinsley didn't trust Malfoy who was an Auror. He kept trying all the time but always ended up taking the cases surrounding Hermione's department. He was ambitious and was trying his hardest to prove that he was good, but Shacklebolt never bought it. Every time he talked to Malfoy he'd have Aurors follow him around just in case Malfoy chose a different side than Kingsley. There was never trust between them and as much as Malfoy complained about Kingsley, he'd take those cases assigned to him and he'd do them very well. It never impressed Kingsley or convinced him to give Malfoy better cases, it only made him do more and more stuff that was unnecessary for an Auror.</p><p>Harry liked to complain about Kingsley in his letters as well. He was a great Minister, but he was always very hard on the Aurors in what they do and how they do. It was a constant struggle for Harry to impress Shacklebolt because every time Harry tried to, he'd compare him to when he defeated Voldemort. It was horrible.</p><p>Everyone else in the Ministry liked Kingsley and never had any beef with him. They listened, he listened. The other departments worked in harmony with the Minister but the Aurors were just always trying to show that they are good at what they do. They all said that Shacklebolt would tell them about times when he was an Auror and what they did and how they were better. But to be fair Kingsley was an Auror when Voldemort was trying to take over the world, both times.</p><p>Kingsley took a liking towards Hermione and was always talkative with her. They had communicated a little bit when she was working at the MACUSA and he would always rage on about the people working in the Ministry. He always asked for her input and never did important things without hearing Hermione's side of the story. Hermione always told the complete truth and he was always pleased with her.</p><p>Apparently, he was even a little reluctant to do things without Hermione working at the Ministry. He was a lot more careful and made less crazy decisions when he wasn't communicating with Hermione. He would ask her how the muggles did that in the muggle world and she would tell him and he would take it into consideration.</p><p>Hermione was one of the many who thought that Kingsley was the best Minister to ever come into the office. He was fair. Strict. And well taught. He knew everything and was a hell of a lot better than Cornelius Fudge. He always saw the best of people and pushed them to work harder and that is why the Aurors were complaining.</p><p>Ever since the defeat of Voldemort, the Aurors have been rounding up Death Eaters and followers of Voldemort. And in seven years, they have got almost every single one of them. Since they have gotten most of the supporters Kingsley sees them as doing less and less work which is true so he would push them to find cases, go digging, do more research, and half of the Aurors refused, except Malfoy.</p><p>The constant need to prove himself swallowed him whole when Hermione was working at the Ministry. It was good for him.</p><p>Hermione knew she needed to take a deep breath and think about what would be going on now that she would be staying at Malfoys. She knew she needed some new clothes and she knew she needed parchment and some quills to get a presentation together. She figured she could just get some from Malfoy.</p><p>She wanted to go to Diagon Alley but she remembered Malfoy telling her the other night about her not being allowed to apparate without permission. She knew she should just apparate without him knowing, but she didn't want to enrage him any more than he already was due to her staying at his house.</p><p>She grabbed some money and walked into the corridor. She didn't want to wait too long for him so she called a house elf.</p><p>
  <em>Crack.</em>
</p><p>"What does Miss Granger need from Pippy?" the elf asked.</p><p>"Where is Malfoy?" she asked.</p><p>"Pippy will fetch him. Please wait inside your chamber."</p><p>Hermione went back into her room and sat on the armchair in the corner and looked at the rose patch. They were such beautiful flowers and she loved them more than anything. She loved the smell and the look of the flowers. She figured Astoria must've kept a lovely large garden. She would probably spend as much time as she could trimming the bushes and making them lovely to the human eyes.</p><p>There was a <em>pop </em>and Malfoy appeared in the room.</p><p>Hermione jumped and turned around and he was looking slightly annoyed. He was wearing a black turtleneck that outlined his muscles and clashed with his pale skin and blond hair in harmony. He was also wearing a pair of black dress pants.</p><p>"Pippy informed me that you wish to speak with me," he said.</p><p>Hermione didn't lie to herself when she thought that he was looking very handsome.</p><p>"Yes." She snapped out of her daze.</p><p>"And what is it?"</p><p>"I was wondering since I'm staying here if I could apparate to Diagon Alley and pick up some clothing."</p><p>"Why are you asking me?" He seemed slightly annoyed by her question and clearly didn't want to be bothered.</p><p>"Because you said you didn't want your guests apparating without permission." She crossed her arms and looked firmly into Malfoy's eyes.</p><p>"And are you still welcome here? No. Am I being forced to keep you at my house? Yes. So stop bothering me, Granger, and do whatever the fuck you want."</p><p>"Very well. I suppose Pippy will send me a plate for dinner."</p><p>"You're not a fucking animal." He seemed offended by this for some reason. "You will eat dinner at the table with me. In the dining room. Seven o'clock."</p><p>And with that Malfoy disappeared with another <em>pop.</em></p><p>Hermione took a second to gather what she needed and sat down on her bed when she realized she would actually have to sit through at least a half-hour of Malfoy insulting her without anyone else there.</p><p>All of the guests had left early in the morning and there would be few left when she got back. They weren't permitted to overstay. Malfoy had made a time that everyone had to leave by and it was way before dinner. People didn't approve, but they knew that Malfoy just needed some more time for mourning.</p><p>Her mind wandered to how handsome Malfoy looked. She had never found him remotely attractive because of his personality and how much of a bully in school he was, but today he looked so handsome. She couldn't help but think about how she knew that she smelt Malfoy in her Amortentia and that she was now finding him more attractive. It was like the potion was doing things to her that she wasn't aware of. She was finding it harder to keep her mind away from Malfoy for a while. She always ended up thinking about him one way or the other.</p><p>He was doing something to her and she didn't like it, not at all. Everything about Malfoy was sketchy and he was incredibly rude to her. He never thought of anything, but himself and he always made sure of it.</p><p>Yes, he worked hard towards his goal and wanted to achieve them. Yes, he was kind to his late wife and was excited for their child. Yes, he broke down in front of her and showed her his emotional side.</p><p>It was all confusing for Hermione.</p><p>She wanted to know whether Malfoy smelled her back in the Amortentia. She didn't want to sound like a little kid, but she was yearning to know. She wanted to know if he smelt her scent and thought of it the way she thought of his totally intoxicating scent and the way she wanted to be closer to him, to be able to breathe in that cologne and just take in the scent.</p><p>She felt like a wolf at some points which weren't true, she was just obsessed with her Amortentia.</p><p>She decided it would be time to go to Diagon Alley and not think about Malfoy anymore. She couldn't handle it.</p><p>***</p><p>She arrived at the manor for dinner and changed into some nicer clothes.</p><p>She walked up to the dining room and Malfoy wasn't there yet so she took a seat at the end of the table, far away from where the head of the table sits. She wanted to make sure she didn't smell Malfoy while eating her dinner.</p><p>Malfoy came in and he was still wearing the same clothes as before. He was walking with his normal strut but he was walking swiftly towards Hermione. He seemed angry at something and she realized she was sitting in his spot. She quickly jumped out of the chair and took a seat next to the chair she was just in. She didn't want to seem rude by taking a place at the opposite end of the table.</p><p>The food magically appeared on the table and they both grabbed their food in silence.</p><p>She could slightly smell the cologne coming off of him and she needed to keep her mind away from the thought. She knew she couldn't think about Malfoy and how good he smelt. She knew that if she thought about it hard enough that she'd end up choking on her water due to lack of breathing or she would just start talking about how wonderful he smelt.</p><p>"Shacklebolt sent another letter and you are to present your work next Thursday in the main foyer," Malfoy said, breaking the silence. He glanced at Hermione from the corner of his eye and she froze with her fork and knife in hand.</p><p>Hermione was trying not to think too hard about the smooth and calm way those words flowed out of his mouth. It was bad for her.</p><p>"Uh, thank you," she said quickly. She wanted to gulp down her food and run up to her room where she could sit for the next five days preparing her presentation and only seeing people at dinner with Malfoy.</p><p>"Do you know what you're going to talk about?" he said casually.</p><p>She wanted to know how he was acting like that when he seemed so angry when he walked into the room.</p><p>"Probably MACUSA's work at Ilvermorny and how the work is improving education in the wizarding world."</p><p>"What not a Hogwarts fan?" He looked with a bit of tease in his eyes.</p><p>"Of course I am, I went there, as you know, but I think that Ilvermorny is run better." The way the school ran improved students breaking laws and becoming more focused on academics.</p><p>"How so?"</p><p>"Well, during the summer the children aren't allowed their wands and that helps with the underage wizard law."</p><p>"So, correct if I'm wrong, but if you are on summer holidays and you are about to die, you won't have your wand to protect you."</p><p>"That's correct. And it's proven when you look at the numbers of children breaking that law in America compared to England. I think Hogwarts should mandate it."</p><p>"That's stupid, why should they?"</p><p>"Because it'll cause the children's parents less stress about their children breaking the law and doing magic outside of school and it would save the Law Enforcement department a lot less paperwork."</p><p>"And that's why I don't like you."</p><p>Hermione was taken aback by this comment. She didn't want Malfoy to not like her, she almost felt like she needed him to like her, but with this, she knew he didn't like her and would probably never.</p><p>"If you could expand on your please, Malfoy."</p><p>He huffed a little and put his fork down. He had a flash of anger in his eyes and his emotion had changed so fast that it almost felt humanly impossible.</p><p>"Because you look at things from a business perspective. You've lived your whole life with people around who aren't as smart and don't know the little facts you do. So when it comes to a situation like legalizing wands outside of school you go against it and don't look at it from the child's point of view."</p><p>"And you do?"</p><p>"As a matter of fact, I do," he snickered.</p><p>"Then enlighten me."</p><p>"Okay, well, first of all, would you like it if the Ministry told you that you couldn't use magic."</p><p>"Malfoy, that is not a good point. Everywhere it's illegal for underage witches and wizards to do magic outside of school."</p><p>"Let me finish, Granger," he said with a very rude tone.</p><p>She leaned back in her chair, huffed, rolled her eyes, and crossed her arms reluctant to listen.</p><p>"What if the Ministry took the soul way to use magic and took away a way to defend yourself? What if you were about to be killed by a bear and you couldn't use magic because your school took away your wand?"<br/>"I'm allowed to have my own beliefs."</p><p>"Do you agree with me?"</p><p>"No."</p><p>"Don't lie, I have ways of telling."</p><p>"I do not permit you to use Legilimency on me!"</p><p>"I didn't ask for permission and I don't intend to. I'll let this one slide. Go to bed, Granger."</p><p>The demand in his voice made her stand up right away and leave down the corridor.</p><p>She was so fed up with him and she didn't want to stay with him anymore even if he was the only person that made her happy when she woke up to the smell of Amortentia.</p><p>She didn't care. And she never wanted to care.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. The Ministry</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Five days had flown by in a blur and Hermione was now up late at night stressing over the next day.</p><p>Nothing interesting happened in those five days as it mostly consisted of Hermione freaking out over her presentation and eating dinner with Malfoy. She didn't do much and she barely left her cold, darkroom.</p><p>She had gone out a few times to explore the manor and then a house-elf would always tell her that she was not allowed to go there. She would huff and apparate back into her room. She didn't like that Pippy was always watching her from a distance. She would warn Hermione about where she was allowed to go and if she was allowed to even leave her room.</p><p>Half the time she was forced to stay in her room, wallowing the day away. It wasn't something she enjoyed. She would work on her presentation and then it was done in one day so she had nothing else to do in her room but read the interesting books that were scattered around the room. A lot of them were about the dark arts and ways to counteract them. It was an interesting subject but Hermione spent her time studying the textbooks and writing down things that would come in handy if she was to ever need to defend herself against dark magic.</p><p>Malfoy would come in a few times and insult her for no reason, tell her not to leave her room, and storm out for some reason. He was always angry and a part of Hermione wanted to just ignore it and go back to being enemies with Malfoy, but her mind always wandered to the Amortentia so of course, she would want to help him. She tried to talk to him a few times, but he would sneer and walk out of the room in a quick stride and not talk to her all the way through dinner.</p><p>Dinner was pure torture for Hermione because the only sound was the sound of forks and knives scraping the plates. They never talked. Hermione always wanted to talk about her presentation so she could at least have some human interaction but every time Hermione started to speak Malfoy would quickly eat the rest of his food and leave quickly again.</p><p>She wanted to know why he didn't talk to her. Why he always left the room when she started speaking. What was his problem? Something was wrong and she could feel it. She would always think about why Malfoy acted this way. It was as if he was angry or in discomfort. Of course, he was uncomfortable because there was a woman other than his wife staying in his house. She was sleeping in his guest room. She was eating his food. She was reading his books. She felt terrible because she knew even when they stood six feet apart that she was in his personal bubble.</p><p>Hermione became restless and decided that a nice snack from the kitchen wouldn't be bad. She grabbed her wand and was reading to apparate when there was a <em>pop </em>and Malfoy had used a non-verbal spell to make her wand go flying out of her hand.</p><p>"What the hell was that for, Malfoy?!" Hermione yelled. She was already mad at his behavior in the last five days that this didn't make anything better.</p><p>"You're not going anywhere, Granger," he said. There was so much resentment in his tone that it slightly scared Hermione.</p><p>"And why not?" She put her hands on her hips and gave him a glare. She tried to channel as much hate into that glare and Malfoy didn't seem to even notice it. It was almost like she always looked at him like this which was slightly true because whenever Malfoy would tell her anything, she always seemed to be glaring at him.</p><p>"Because I said you can't."</p><p>He looked at Hermione's wand, rolled his eyes, and put it into his suit jacket.</p><p>"Give me my wand back!" Hermione knew that soon enough she was going to channel all the magic she could and use wandless magic to hurt him.</p><p>"You will get this back in the morning and you are not leaving the room. I'm putting a charm on the door so only I can open it. And don't even try to use wandless magic, I just put a spell on this room from upstairs that stops you from being able to channel your magic without your wand."</p><p>And with that, there was a <em>crack </em>and Malfoy was gone.</p><p>Hermione sat down on her chair angrily and huffed.</p><p>She couldn't believe that Malfoy had taken her wand away. He had no right to and yet he did and Hermione didn't try to fight it. She knew she would have tackled him or something if she wasn't afraid of him hexing her mercilessly.</p><p>He confused Hermione and she wanted to know why he was so mean to her. He was never a pleasant man, but this just got on Hermione's nerves. He constantly ignored her and when she tried to speak he would just stomp away in the other direction.</p><p>He was nice at her wedding and even at the funeral when he fell apart and Hermione had to comfort him.</p><p>That one encounter played over and over in Hermione's brain. It was on a constant loop as she saw Malfoy with tears in his eyes and falling into Hermione's arms. He dug his head into the crook of her neck and she could feel the tears on her shoulder and she held him. The broken boy who needed someone to comfort him. He never wanted her to comfort her in any other way than that one day and she was okay with that. She helped him and held him when he needed it the most.</p><p>Hermione never expected herself to actually hug Malfoy and cry with him. It was almost a thought that younger Hermione would've been mad at older Hermione for doing. But she didn't care. She smelt him in the Amortentia and she knew that she was always going to be there when Malfoy needed it. But she wouldn't push the boundaries and go to him for comfort. She had Harry for that.</p><p>She needed to rest and ignore the thoughts about Malfoy that were flooding through her brain. She needed a break so she went to bed.</p><p>***</p><p>The morning rush in the Ministry made Hermione happy that she had left and was in a much quieter place. Everything about the Ministry was always very professional and all the witches and wizards flooding through the doors only made it look more popular. It was stupid about how many people wanted Ministry jobs, but Hermione wanted them too.</p><p>Malfoy and Hermione were pushing through the crowd. There were robes, hats, and memos flying everywhere.</p><p>Malfoy placed his hand on the small of Hermione's back to make sure that she went through the crowd with her. Hermione felt warmth as his hand stayed on her back, making sure that the people were moving fast enough to get Hermione to the Auror's office.</p><p>She wanted him to keep his hand forever just so she could get the thrill of someone touching her. She hadn't been touched in a while.</p><p>She quickly shook her head to get those thoughts out of her mind and focus on the presentation she was going to give. She had a few hours and of course, Malfoy had insisted on her coming with him. She was ready and she had been ready for four days and she just wanted to get it done.</p><p>They reached the elevators and Malfoy dropped his hand and placed them into his robes. He didn't look at Hermione but just stood beside her. It felt a little awkward but the other witches and wizards didn't seem to take a second look at the both of them looking a little awkward.</p><p>"Level two, Department of Magical Law Enforcement," the elevator finally said.</p><p>The doors opened and Malfoy and Hermione walked out with some wizards going their separate ways.</p><p>It looked the same as they walked to the Auror offices. She knew that she was going to spend her morning in the Auror office and she wanted to speak to some of the Aurors, new and old. She wanted to see Ron and Harry. She knew Ron and her weren't on good terms, but she thought that maybe Ron would be a little bit nicer towards her now that they were in public.</p><p>They reached Malfoy's cubicle and he summoned a chair with his wand. The cubicle had no personal belongings which was typical of Malfoy. There was one though. A silver necklace that had a locket on it. The locket was the shape of a heart for some reason and there were carvings of vines on the outside of it. She was curious to know what was in the locket, but she knew she shouldn't push it because she didn't want to aggravate Malfoy more than she already had.</p><p>"Wait here, I have a meeting with the Minister," Malfoy said. He had a very serious look and she knew that if she left Malfoy would be mad and again, she didn't want to get him mad.</p><p>"Alright. But wait!" She called after him.</p><p>She could see him take a deep breath and turn around. Did he look annoyed, but slightly happy? Hermione sucked at reading him.</p><p>"My wand." She stuck out her hand and Malfoy reached into his robes. With a sneer, he placed Hermione's wand in her hands and left with his hands in his robes.</p><p>She sat back down and looked at the desk again.</p><p>With no personal possessions still was crowded with files and pieces of parchment. Even owls were swooping in a lot with different letters and dropping them on his desk and flying back out of the window.</p><p>He clearly was a busy man and Hermione knew she was a busy woman and she wanted to go back to her office and complete her own work. She wanted to make laws and put them in place.</p><p>"Did you hear that Hermione Granger is giving a presentation today?" asked a voice that sounded familiar to Hermione.</p><p>She stuck her head out of her cubicle and saw Cormac McLaggen standing at a desk talking to someone. Hermione never expected Cormac to be an Auror out of all the people at Hogwarts. She thought he might've wanted to become a professional quidditch player and that would've made Hermione's life so much better.</p><p>"Wait, Granger is giving her presentation today?" asked another voice that Hermione missed. It was Percy and she used all her energy to stay at Malfoy's desk because he could come back at any moment.</p><p>"Yeah. I heard during her year of absence that she got hotter." He was smirking evilly and Hermione was slightly scared.</p><p>"Shut up, McLaggen," said a female Auror. She watched as the Auror smacked Cormac over the head with some parchment.</p><p>"What? It is true though," Cormac kept smirking.</p><p>"How do you know?" Percy asked.</p><p>"Well, because someone that rode the elevator with her sent a memo to me with a picture of her. She's got a better ass."</p><p>"Shut it, McLaggen," said Harry who had shown up in the office with his arms filled with case files. His glasses were askew and his hair messier than normal and she knew he had come as fast as he could after seeing his children off. He didn't seem mad at McLaggen which was good.</p><p>Harry walked and saw Hermione sticking her head out of Malfoy's cubicle. He smiled right away and went to put his files down as quickly as he could. He went to the cubicle, fixed his glasses and sat down on Malfoy's chair.</p><p>"Hey, Mione," Harry said with a smile. His green eyes were gleaming and she loved how happy he looked.</p><p>"Hi, Harry. You look like you've had your hands full," Hermione stated.</p><p>"Yeah, well when you have two boys and a full-time job, you tend to always have your hands full." He laughed. "So, are you ready for your presentation?"</p><p>"I've been ready since Monday," she laughed.</p><p>"How's Malfoy been treating you?" he asked cautiously.</p><p>"He's alright, I guess."</p><p>"You guess?"</p><p>"Well, I'm never allowed to leave my room without permission <em>or </em>Malfoy coming in and taking me himself. I always have to eat dinner in excruciating silence due to a lack of socializing on Malfoy's side. But other than that, he's okay."</p><p>"He sounds a little <em>possessive</em>." Harry had an immediate worry in his eyes like he was regretting something, but she knew he wasn't. She wanted to ask him why he was acting like this, but she didn't push it.</p><p>"I-I suppose, but it isn't bothering me. I've been doing a lot of reading."</p><p>"Oh? What have you been reading?"</p><p>"Well, Malfoy filled my room with books so I've been reading basically anything there and it's mostly about dark arts. I don't mind because I'm learning how to use the counter curses."</p><p>Harry didn't look like he wanted to continue the conversation so he said, "Look, Ginny was wondering if you wanted to come to our house for Christmas? You haven't had a proper Christmas since two years ago and we'd love for you to come."<br/>Hermione smiled and said, "Of course, I'd love to spend Christmas at your house."</p><p>"Let's hope you can get away from MACUSA to come."</p><p>"I'll make them." She winked at Harry.</p><p>Suddenly Hermione felt her muscles tense as Malfoy stood, towering over Harry. Harry was laughing like a little kid and then he stopped when he saw Hermione's expression. He seemed confused but jumped out of his chair, laughing, when he saw Malfoy standing there looking at Hermione.</p><p>"What do you want, Malfoy?" she asked.</p><p>"The Minister would like to speak to you." He smirked and Hermione took a deep breath before following behind Malfoy.</p>
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<a name="section0016"><h2>16. The Minister for Magic</h2></a>
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    <p>Hermione followed Malfoy towards the elevators and past McLaggen who was looking Hermione up and down. She felt uncomfortable by the way Cormac was looking at her and she was ready to punch him in the face and hex him till more tomorrow. He really had no self-control.</p><p>She looked at the elevator door closing in front of her and she wanted to know why Kinsley needed to talk to her. Of course, she was giving a presentation, but there must be a reason why she was escorted by Malfoy everywhere. She was never allowed to leave the house and she was starting to get slightly suspicious as to why she wasn't allowed to go to many places without him. She felt like something was going on, she just didn't know what was going on.</p><p>She got to the office and walked in. Malfoy followed close behind with a hard expression that was almost impossible for her to read. She knew something was off and this just proved it.</p><p>"Hello, Miss Granger," Kingsley said. He was wearing his classic purple robes and he was looking very wise. He held a hand out for Hermione to shake and she took his hand and shook it hard.</p><p>"Hello, Sir," Hermione replied. She was wary of his expression as it neither was kind nor mean, it was in between and a terrible in between which made Hermione's inside flip. She didn't want bad news.</p><p>"Please take a seat." He ushered his hand towards the chair in front of his desk.</p><p>She looked at the seat and sat down. She looked out of the corner of her eyes and Malfoy was looking out the enchanted window. He was pondering something and the need to know was consuming Hermione, but she was brought back to reality when Kingsley spoke.</p><p>"I assume you have figured out that this is not about your presentation." The way he spoke his words scared Hermione. They flowed effortlessly and yet there was a lot of worry in his eyes.</p><p>"I kind of assumed." She felt immense pressure as she had no clue what he called her in for, but she knew it wasn't good and that scared her, so very much.</p><p>"Has Malfoy filled you in on anything going on at the MACUSA?" Kingsley looked intently in Malfoy's direction and he was still staring out of the window.</p><p>"No, sir."</p><p>She wanted to know what was wrong. She hoped that it wasn't anything severe. She wanted everyone there to be safe and living their best life. She wanted to return home to where she would be able to see her flat, her few friends, and work away in her office. She wanted it, in fact, she needed it.</p><p>"Well, we have received information that the MACUSA has been burnt down and all the case files have been taken. Few workers survived." He seemed so sullen about the situation and broken. He knew a lot of people at MACUSA and it seemed like everyone he knew had probably died and fled the country.</p><p>Hermione didn't know what to think. She was heartbroken obviously, but she needed to know why it was burnt. Who would take the case files?</p><p>She felt terrible for the children who were at Ilvermorny and how their mothers and fathers may never come home, never return. Hermione knew that dread a little too much, it was disappointing. She knew that the children had probably heard about it and some were definitely sent home almost right away to go mourn with the rest of their family. She knew that people were crying, and heartbroken over the loss of their loved ones. It must've been a terrible accident like how Crabbe got burnt to death, but that was less an accident because they were trying to kill Ron, Harry, and Hermione.</p><p>"Do you know who did it?" Her tone was shaking a little bit as she thought of the lives lost.</p><p>"We believe it was some old Death Eaters who did not get detained." He was so calm about the subject, but Hermione was freaking out on the inside but knew she needed to stay calm and collected, she couldn't start crying in front of the Minister.</p><p>"And why were they targeting the MACUSA?" Her brown orbs looked wild and she wondered if she looked like a maniac talking to Shacklebolt, she probably did.</p><p>"We believe they wanted you," Malfoy said from the corner.</p><p>Hermione snapped her head towards Malfoy and he looked down at her and there was a definite look of sadness on Malfoy. He looked like he dreaded this conversation like almost the Death Eaters were coming for him.</p><p>Hermione knew that they may come for Malfoy and she wouldn't give him up so easily. She would make sure he was fine, even if it hurt her. He was the person she dreamt about for the last year, she needed him in her life, she needed to be able to hold him and tell him that everything was okay. They'd want to gather as many Death Eaters as they could and that would include Malfoy and his father Lucius. She knew that Malfoy changed, but he didn't have anything worth fighting for if it came to that. He had no reason to fight with the Ministry, and he had no reason to fight with the Death Eaters. It was his job to protect the wizards of the wizarding world, but Hermione didn't know if Malfoy would change sides because Kingsley never gave him any special treatment. He was always neglected. There was no reason for him to fight with the Ministry.</p><p>But there was also no reason for him to fight with the Death Eaters. From what Harry had told her, he joined them because they threatened to hurt his mother, Narcissa. They were going to harm his family and would do anything, like his father, to protect his family. He wouldn't want to see the only person who cared for him gone. But his mother was still alive and that was a cause for concern because they didn't know where Lucius's loyalties lie.</p><p>Lucius was known for being a vile person but after the war, he wasn't sent to Azkaban. No, he was let go because he proved that he didn't want to do any of it. Hermione was at his trial. She watched as he had Veritaserum poured down his throat and was forced to tell them all about Voldemort's actions against the Ministry and the wizarding world. Lucius told and he was smiling while doing it. They asked him about his ways and his thoughts on it and they proved that he was innocent and so was the rest of the Malfoy family.</p><p>"Why would they want me?" Hermione's voice shook a little bit. It was a cause for concern because who would want to go after Hermione Granger, a 26-year-old woman. She fought in the war but didn't do much to fight the Death Eaters. She was out hunting Horcruxes.</p><p>Kingsley looked up towards Malfoy and he quickly shook his head. Kingsley looked surprised and quickly turned back.</p><p>"We believe it is because of your effort to stop Voldemort." He folded his hands on the desk. He looked frankly worried for Hermione and Hermione was almost shaking in her seat as she heard these words.</p><p>She wondered why everyone seemed so calm. Everyone had a smooth expression and didn't seem to notice the shake in Hermione's voice. They seemed perfectly fine with the idea of a wizarding government being burnt to the ground because of a 26-year-old. It made no sense, but she knew she would eventually need to see sense in it. She would need to come to terms with the fact that some Death Eaters just wanted her gone.</p><p>"This has something to do with Harry." She looked down at her sweaty palms and played with her thumbs nervously. She had never been this nervous, scared, and sad all at once. The world seemed to have just stopped in its place and is just standing still like there was no way of it moving again. Stuck. In time. Forever.</p><p>"There is, but there is some information you need to rem-" Kingsley was interrupted by Malfoy.</p><p>"Not right now, Minister."</p><p>He looked at Hermione and she wanted to know why he stopped. Why would he do that? Why would he let Kingsley go on and then stop him as soon as he was about to say something that could be very important? It scared Hermione. She wanted to know what was going on. She felt so left out.</p><p>Hermione took this as a sign to tell her that she shouldn't question the conversation any further, it would only cause more stress for herself and the people around her.</p><p>"What Death Eaters?" She didn't want to hear the name Malfoy come up at all, that would scare her more than anything.</p><p>"Amycus and Alecto Carrow, Antonin Dolohov, Agustus Rookwood, and Walden Macnair," Kingsley answered. He seemed to have his desk organized so he had information for Hermione to reach quickly so he could tell her the information needed to inform her of important events that concerned her.</p><p>"So basically the main Death Eaters who survived the battle and were sent to Azkaban? How did they get out?" She wanted to know. If Death Eaters had once again escaped Azkaban then they could do it again and over again till there was no Azkaban left to break out of and just a broken world filled with broken things.</p><p>"Yes. And a couple of weeks ago they escaped Azkaban and we knew they were going to come for you so-" Hermione interrupted him.</p><p>"I was invited to Astoria's funeral and was told to spend the rest of the week at Malfoy's. And now you aren't going to let me go home."</p><p>She looked at Malfoy and his head was tilted slightly to the side and you could just see his sharp jawline. He looked like he was regretting something. Like he knew. She knew she needed to talk to him after their meeting.</p><p>No one was talking and Hermione felt the angry rise in her.</p><p>"AM I RIGHT?" She yelled. She knew she was going to burst anytime soon and of course, it had to happen in the Ministers office when she was being told that she was lured to the Malfoys.</p><p>"Yes," Kingsley said in a very serious tone.</p><p>She walked up to Malfoy and stood in front of him and waited for him to make eye contact with her.</p><p>His grey eyes met her brown ones and there was so much regret in them that it slightly made Hermione feel bad, but she didn't care. Because he didn't tell her.</p><p>"Draco," she said slowly, "where is Astoria?"</p><p>He snapped his head up and his eyes grew vicious right away. It was slightly terrifying for Hermione to be looking into his eyes when they were scared and angry.</p><p>"Is she alive?" She needed a hug from Astoria and she would be so relieved if she was hiding behind a door, waiting to pop out and say hello and pull Hermione into a hug.</p><p>His eyes immediately grew sadder. The grey turned almost to muck as he looked at Hermione, ready to fall apart again.</p><p>"No," he said simply but in a heartbreaking tone.</p><p>Hermione felt like she couldn't breathe. She clutched her chest and felt herself start to hyperventilate. She breathed in and out to calm herself, but she could seem to.</p><p>She felt a hand on her arm and then she was suddenly on a chair.</p><p>She didn't care who brought her to the chair, she just felt lost. She had started to get used to the fact that Astoria was dead, but the sudden hope of her being alive made Hermione feel like she was still there, laughing, smiling, breathing. She hoped that she was alive and seeing as she was not alive made her feel the heartbreak she felt as she gave the speech about her. She wished her back. She would give anything to have the happy girl.</p><p>"Drink some water," she heard Malfoy say in a soft tone.</p><p>She was rocking back and forth while Malfoy rubbed his hand in circles on her back. She didn't care about the sudden touch or the way he spoke, she just kept thinking about losing Astoria again.</p><p>Hermione could hear Malfoy and Kingsley talk, but didn't care too much to listen, she didn't care what they were talking about. She just knew that Astoria was dead.</p><p>"I'm taking her home, Minister," Malfoy said firmly.</p><p>"Of course. She needs rest, give her a bath and a draught of peace, that should help," Kingsley said.</p><p>"Okay," Malfoy replied.</p><p>She suddenly felt herself being picked up bridal style and the sick sensation of apparating.</p><p>She clutched to Malfoy, hoping not to get hurt or splinched.</p><p>She felt herself let go of Malfoy as her eyes started to run free of tears. She felt a bed beneath her.</p><p>"You're okay, Hermione, sh, you're okay," she heard Malfoy say.</p><p>She felt his hand push back a curl and she felt her eyes give out and she fell asleep.</p>
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<a name="section0017"><h2>17. Blackout</h2></a>
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    <p>She opened her eyes slowly and the sun was hitting her fragile face. The sun was setting, she knew it was. She couldn't help but wonder how long she had been asleep. She knew she had a presentation, but due to the height of the sun, she was long past when she was told she would be presenting. She didn't care much anymore, all she worried about were those poor families at the Ministry apparently looking for <em>her. </em>She never did anything to offend people so she wondered why they would be after her.</p><p>She used her arms to push herself out. She noticed that she wasn't in her bedroom or her clothes even. Her eyes widened as she realized she was in some sweatpants and a large shirt that she was sure wasn't hers.</p><p>She smelt the shirt and it smelt like Malfoy. She had been wearing Malfoy's clothes. She started to freak out over the fact that she was definitely in Malfoy's room and in his clothes. She felt embarrassed because that meant that Malfoy had surely seen her without any clothes on and she never liked her small body. That's why she always hid after having sex with boys, she never wanted them to realize how tiny and skinny she was.</p><p>She slipped out of the bed and went to a mirror on the wall and looked at her small body. Her face seemed less full and her skin was pale. She looked sick as her bushy hair was braided and little strands of her hair escaped and framed her face, sticking to it. Her brown orbs looked more tired as there were circles under her eyes. Her arms had no definition and she felt like she looked pathetic.</p><p>She was a tiny pathetic woman who could never attract one man looking like this.</p><p>She always dreaded looking at herself in the mirror in the mornings. She didn't like the look of herself. She never liked it. When she was younger she was more confident, but when it came to her teeth she would cower with embarrassment every time someone mentioned anything about her teeth.</p><p>She was so thankful when she was able to change them. In fourth year Malfoy had hit her with a spell that caused her teeth to grow to the floor and she had to see Madam Pomfrey to get them fixed, where she set them to a normal length and size, her parents weren't too happy about it.</p><p>She kept looking at herself, letting the image sink into her mind. The image of a frail, skinny woman who caused people to lose their families and she didn't even know why. She needed to know.</p><p>She needed to step away from the mirror so she slowly made her way, looking around the room.</p><p>The room was dark and the walls were covered with bookshelves that were empty. There wasn't even a trace of dust. There was a small wardrobe in the corner which probably held all of his clothing, but other than that it was just empty. The chair by the desk was pushed right in and hadn't looked like it had been sat in for a while. The empty picture frames. There was only a bed and a wardrobe. Those seemed to be the only things that he used. If he sleeps at all.</p><p>She found herself staring out the window. She could see the maze and a small rose bush. The very rose bush that sat outside her window.</p><p>She looked closer and saw that Malfoy was pacing in her room. She had a perfect view of him. He didn't even seem as if someone was in the room and he was just pacing. He was so hard to read. She knew she wouldn't be able to read his walking too well, but he wasn't walking with purpose. It was almost a sort of rage and nervousness all in one. It simply didn't make much sense. She needed to get to know how Malfoy worked and she needed to do it soon.</p><p>He suddenly stopped beside the window and looked up towards the room. He locked eyes with Hermione and suddenly disappeared. Her eyes widened at their eye contact and she ran back to the bed as fast as she could.</p><p>There was a knock at the door and Hermione didn't say anything as Malfoy just walking in carelessly. He didn't seem like he had a care in the world. Why couldn't she read him? She saw the way he walked and tried to decide what mood he was in, what he was thinking, but it just got harder and harder as he would show less and less emotion towards her.</p><p>"This is your room?" She asked. She decided to slip back under the covers of his warm bed. She was cold but didn't show it because she didn't know how he would react and she didn't want to risk anything bad at all.</p><p>"It was the first place I could think of," he responded. He walked towards the window that Hermione had just been standing by and looked out of the window. He liked to look out of windows.</p><p>She sat there quietly watching Malfoy look out of the window in peace. She didn't feel very nervous anymore, but the thought of Malfoy seeing her naked came back into her mind. She took deep breaths in and out, trying to push the thought far away from anywhere where it would seep into her mouth and so on.</p><p>He suddenly turned around and watched her closely as she took deep breaths trying not to think of anything that would be a cause for embarrassment. It was hard because she had now looked over her body once again and was embarrassed by it. She knew she shouldn't have looked in the mirror.</p><p>He saw her clutching her clothes lightly and realized why she was freaking out slightly.</p><p>"Don't worry Pippy bathed and changed you. I didn't see anything," he said briskly as he turned around and didn't care to take another look at Hermione.</p><p>Hermione took a sigh of relief. The house elf was the only one that had seen her and Malfoy hadn't. She was thankful for that. She knew she wouldn't get on far if she knew that Malfoy had taken clothing off of her and giving her a bath.</p><p>There was more silence and it was excruciating for Hermione. She had so many questions and she needed them answered. She kept thinking about it and the silence didn't do anything to help the situation. He needed to talk, but she knew that she needed to start the conversation to actually get answers.</p><p>"Could you give the report on the attack? Only if you're allowed to of course," she said. Her voice was higher than when she asked him a question before and she suddenly felt more and more anxious.</p><p>He turned back to look at Hermione and nodded slowly. He disapparated so quickly and suddenly she was alone in the room again.</p><p>She tried to take in a look of the entire room again. At the darkness and loneliness, it portrayed. It seemed like a room that a person who wasn't plan on staying long would have. Malfoy was never one to have very personal things and she figured that out by looking around the house. He seemed to lose every factor of the boy from at Hogwarts and now was cold, dark, and alone with nothing else to hold onto.</p><p>When she started to observe the manor she wanted to find pictures of Astoria or at least things that belonged to her. She knew that the Astoria thing was just there to lure her in, but she really did attend her funeral, she thinks. She wanted to see those pictures like the one of her in that dress looking so happy. She wanted to see sonograms that Malfoy might've kept of his now gone son. She wanted to see the personal belongings of Draco Malfoy.</p><p>Her being able to look and observe the things he owned was a key factor in being able to discern who this man was and why he was so different. She remembered him being happy and never lost during their eighth year. She remembered him following Astoria, chasing after her, wanting her. But everything about that Malfoy seemed very off. Not everything was perfect and he acted like he was completely perfect, but nobody is perfect and there was no way that Malfoy was. She needed to break down what she remembered of eighth year to actually be able to figure out who Malfoy was.</p><p>There was one problem with that plan. A lot of her memory of eighth year had been a little fuzzy and she would only be able to remember certain parts. When she couldn't remember something it would come back to her and she would find it useless then because there was no way she could use that information because it was too late.</p><p>Malfoy apparated back and placed the file slowly on the desk. He didn't say anything as he moved to the side and kept looking down over the rose bush. He had such an odd fascination with that bush.</p><p>She went up to the desk and pulled the chair out. She took a seat down and opened the file. Half of it was blacked out and she was confused.</p><p>"I thought I was getting the non-blackout version of this report," she said in the voice she used when she was working at the MACUSA and people weren't listening.</p><p>Malfoy's face turned annoyed and he looked at the tiny girl in the chair who looked at him with such a vicious look that it almost seemed pathetic.</p><p>"You aren't authorized to see the <em>other </em>copy," he said. He looked at her with an annoyed look and Hermione just wanted to smack the man she smelt in her Amortentia.</p><p>"I <em>do </em>outrank you, so why not?" She was so needy. She didn't want anything left out, she needed to eat up all the information she could find.</p><p>"Because the Minister said you couldn't and the Minister outranks <em>you</em>," he sneered.</p><p>She couldn't believe his coldness towards her. It did hurt her slightly as she thought of Malfoy being rude to her and setting the authority. She didn't like the way he bossed her around, but she didn't mind it. It didn't consume every fiber of her being, but it did gnaw away at her brain. The way he so carelessly just told her what to do and the way she didn't care.</p><p>She huffed and said, "Fine."</p><p>She looked down at the parchment and read.</p><p>
  <em>The Magical Congress of the United States of America (MACUSA) was under attack on December 14th, resulting in many casualties and a sum of files taken.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The act was committed by Death Eaters who were arrested for-</em>
</p><p>It was cover in black ink. She rolled her eyes slightly and kept reading on.</p><p>
  <em>We at the Ministry believe it was because of Hermione Granger's knowledge of-</em>
</p><p>Again it was covered in black ink.</p><p>She didn't care anymore and handed the case file back to Malfoy.</p><p>"What, you don't want it?" Malfoy seemed confused but his tone was harsh and pressing.</p><p>"I frankly don't because there isn't an ounce of new information for me. That wasn't helpful. I'll return to my room now."</p><p>She started to walk out of the darkroom when she heard him mutter, "Well you wanted the case file, princess."</p><p>She became enraged at that little nickname.</p><p>"Excuse me?" She looked around at him and everything about the Amortentia left her mind right away and she just knew she was staring into the eyes of someone who didn't even agree with anyone else, who thought his standpoints were <em>always </em>correct, who thought that he could boss anyone around that he wished to. He was rich. He was cruel. He wasn't some Hermione wanted to be around.</p><p>He looked at her in an annoyed way and she could just see the anger in his large grey eyes that pierced into her soul. She could feel him watching her expression, trying to understand her, she knew it and she was so aware of it.</p><p>"I would like you to return to your room and you are not permitted to come out whenever you want. You must ask my permission first. Do you understand?" He said firmly, demanding what he wanted.</p><p>She felt herself obeying him. The sound of his voice was so intoxicating to her. She couldn't help but nod and walk out of the room without taking one last look at Malfoy, her protector.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0018"><h2>18. Good Tidings</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The next few days passed quickly as Hermione was trapped sitting in her room half the day. She listened to Malfoy and even if she didn't she wouldn't be able to get out because Malfoy had locked her in and taken her wand.</p><p>She didn't understand his obsession with making sure she's in his sight for most of the day. It was odd and she tried to break it down, but she could never figure out his cold exterior. He was always so blocked emotionally and physically. He showed no signs of ever talking to her and letting her leave. She was obsessed with his scent, yet she hated the man. She couldn't stand sitting in her room all day while Malfoy was at the Ministry doing whatever the hell he did. She didn't like being trapped in her room all day, she couldn't handle it.</p><p>She wanted him to see her going insane so he would finally realize that locking her up wasn't a good idea. She wanted him to see the consequences of his actions. She wanted to make him pay for keeping her stuck in an old room with nothing but books to read all day.</p><p>She didn't mind the fact that she could just spend her day reading but she already had rolls and rolls of parchment filled with the information she found useful that she would keep locked away once she was allowed to return home.</p><p><em>If </em>she was allowed to return home.</p><p>She wanted to at least go and see her parents if they wanted to see her. She hadn't been in contact with them in forever and she missed them dearly. She wanted to be able to give them a hug and tell them that she was sorry for her actions and she wanted them to forgive her and not pull a "Ron" where they just refused to forgive her. That would break her.</p><p>She knew that her parents would at least tell her if they didn't like the way that she was acting. They would care. They weren't like Ron who so kindly just says no and leaves. She wanted her parents back because without her parents she feels hurt. They were always there for her when she needed them. She didn't remember how they got their memories back, but she was glad when they saw her and pulled her into a hug right away, not caring that she had taken their memories away because she was protecting them.</p><p>She tried her hardest to protect everyone during and after the war but she was always told by Harry that it was his job. He always tried to tell her that it didn't matter how much effort she put into protecting people, it was his job. He was always a little selfish by thinking that he had to do everything to save other people, that it was his job and his alone to protect the wizarding world. But he had dozens and dozens of people who were willing to fight by his side and do everything and anything to make sure that they helped him and the rest of the world. They didn't want it to end, they wanted to protect it so protect it is what they did.</p><p>She looked out of the window while remembering her arrangements with Harry. She needed to ask Malfoy somehow about going to visit the Potter's for Christmas. She couldn't visit her parents because of the Death Eaters on the loose so she just had to do with the Potter's. </p><p>"Pippy!" Hermione called out.</p><p>The house elf appeared and immediately said, "What does Miss Granger wish from Pippy?"</p><p>"Could you get Malfoy for me, Pippy?" She asked sweetly.</p><p>Pippy disappeared and Hermione sat in silence before Malfoy opened the door and walked into the darkroom.</p><p>"Pippy said you needed me?" He asked, folding his arms across his chest.</p><p>"Yes... uh, I was wondering if I was able to go to the Potter's tomorrow for Christmas?" She didn't know if he'd say yes or just completely ignore her. She knew he was sensitive about letting her leave the house.</p><p>He rolled his eyes slightly and his jaw clenched. "Fine. But that means I have to come too and I can't promise I'll be in a good mood."</p><p>"You don't have to come."</p><p>"I do."</p><p>"No, because Harry is an Auror so I should be fine at his house."</p><p>"You won't because <em>I</em> said so and <em>I </em>am supposed to be watching over you. So that means you will not leave this house without me. I will send a letter to Potter and you can stay here till dinner. Enjoy your afternoon." He gave a half-hearted sneer and left out the door.</p><p>Hermione tried not to let a grin break across her face as Malfoy told her that she would be able to go to the Potter's for Christmas. Of course, she wouldn't have gifts for any of them but she would be able to meet James and Albus. She would be able to give them a hug and introduce herself as Aunt Hermione.</p><p>The grin disappeared as she thought of Malfoy going to Harry's house and seeing the happy house in which Ginny and Harry lived with their two sons. He would see how happy Harry and Ginny were as a family of four. Malfoy would watch as his enemy in school had a wife and children while his wife and child were both dead. Gone.</p><p>She needed to focus on the positives and the positive was that she would see Harry at Christmas. She smiled at that thought.</p><p>***</p><p>Christmas morning came and Hermione was allowed to apparate out of the house. She gripped her wand in hand and squinted her eyes as she let herself apparate. She felt the weird sensation of twisting through a tunnel, but then she was suddenly beside Malfoy outside the very house that she cried on the front porch.</p><p>She walked up to the door with Malfoy close behind her. There were no words as they walked up to the door. They didn't even say anything to each other while getting ready to leave and they apparated in silence. They weren't very civil when they talked to each other so to avoid arguments they just didn't talk to each other at all and this time it didn't bother Hermione because she actually enjoyed not getting into constant fights with Malfoy. She didn't have to put up with his pathetic ass and listen to him complain about work or the system in which Hogwarts currently runs. That seemed like such a thing married couples argued about.</p><p>She knocked on the door and it opened right away to Harry smiling very widely. He didn't even look at Malfoy but he pulled Hermione into a hug and squeezed her tightly. She missed hugging Harry even if she hadn't hugged him for a week. She missed it. She missed being close to her best friend. She felt like she had separation anxiety from it.</p><p>"Welcome, Mione," Harry said with a jolly smile.</p><p>"Thank you for inviting me, Harry, and sorry that Malfoy had to tag along," she responded.</p><p>She looked back at Malfoy and he had his hands in his pockets while carefully watching Harry. Almost studying him to make sure he wasn't about to pull out his wand and kill Hermione right there and then.</p><p>"It's okay." Harry looked back at Malfoy and his smile dropped as he just nodded slightly.</p><p>Malfoy nodded back slightly as Harry led them into the house.</p><p>The house was fairly small but big enough to hold two young children. There was a small kitchen off to the side and a living room that held a tree that had presents under it. </p><p>They walked into the living room and both Malfoy and Hermione took a seat next to each other on the couch. It was a small couch so they were in pretty tight quarters with Malfoy's broad shoulders and strong physique. </p><p>They looked awkwardly at each other but then Malfoy rolled his eyes and Hermione looked away to the coffee table that had some cups of hot chocolate on it.</p><p>"Take some," Harry said with a smile on his face.</p><p>Hermione grabbed a cup while Malfoy shook his head to say that he didn't want any. She didn't care because she had missed the taste of hot chocolate. Her parents would make it for her every Christmas morning and this just made everything feel more homey.</p><p>"Harry, I'm really sorry but I didn't get you anything. I wasn't allowed to leave the house," Hermione said. She left the scoff out of her voice as Malfoy just watched the Christmas tree as the lights changed colours and a fairy kept bouncing from branch to branch.</p><p>"I understand. I saw the report, at least some of it and it's probably safer if you stayed at home."</p><p>"It doesn't feel like home," she replied.</p><p>Harry froze up for a second and his eyes widened and he quickly said, "Yeah sorry my mistake. The Manor is big and you're used to a small flat."</p><p>She nodded quickly and took a sip of her hot chocolate. </p><p>"Does Ginny need help with the kids or breakfast at all?" She asked with a smile.</p><p>Harry nodded. "She's in the kitchen with James. Albus is still surprisingly sleeping."</p><p>"Okay, thank you."</p><p>Hermione stood up and left Malfoy and Harry in the living room in complete silence. She walked across the corridor and found her way into the kitchen where Ginny was wiping something of a little James's face.</p><p>He looked so cute. He was so young and he had brown curly hair like Harry's and Ginny's brown eyes. He was trying to get his mum off of him as she was trying to get some crumbs off of his face.</p><p>"Just stay still, James," Ginny told him.</p><p>"No mama no!" James complained in his little voice.</p><p>She finally got the crumbs off of his face and she put him down and he ran away as fast as he could.</p><p>Ginny turned around and gave Hermione a smile as she approached her and gave her a hug.</p><p>"Hermione! How have you been?" Ginny asked. She pulled Hermione out of the hug and looked at her with the biggest grin.</p><p>"I've been okay. A lot has been happening, but nothing I can't handle," she responded.</p><p>"Hermione Granger the strongest woman I know." Ginny turned around and started to mix something that was in a bowl.</p><p>"So I guess you know what has been going on?"</p><p>"Well, yes, you can put it that way."</p><p>"I just don't get why they want me. What's so special about me? I didn't do much during the war, I didn't even hurt those Death Eaters. I wasn't near them. Why me?"</p><p>"Well, put it this way. You've been absent from the wizarding world here in Europe and you've been living in America which is known for being weak under attacks and you are a member of the Order and Dumbledore's Army. And you are best friends with Harry who destroyed Voldemort  so maybe they are slowly getting revenge."</p><p>"But why would they go after me first?"</p><p>Ginny stared at Hermione with what looked like a broken stare. Ginny looked sad, broken. Hermione didn't know how to figure out what was wrong with Ginny as Ginny just looked at Hermione like she was missing an old friend for longer then it should be humanly possible. A small smile crept of Ginny's face but it wasn't out of happiness or something like missing Hermione but it was clearly out of pity. Pity for what? Hermione didn't know. </p><p>"I don't know."</p><p>Hermione could tell that this conversation made Ginny uncomfortable and sad for some reason as tears crept into her eyes. Hermione saw them and pulled Ginny into a comforting hug.</p><p>"It's okay, Ginny, sh, it's okay." She rubbed circles as Ginny held onto Hermione, crying into her shoulder.</p><p>Hermione didn't know what Ginny was crying about. Maybe the fact that Death Eaters were after her? Maybe it was because the people she loved most were being hunted down? Maybe it was because the world was starting to fall apart again and she now had two children in the world? Or maybe it was simply because she had been strong long enough and just needed time to cry.</p><p>Ginny had always been one to suppress her emotions because she lived with six brothers growing up and they never showed much emotion growing up because boys aren't one for letting their feelings out. She never cried at Hogwarts, she was always strong and didn't let her emotions overpower her, but she needed to break at some time. She needed someone to hug and cry to because Harry would probably just started freaking out.</p><p>There was a yell suddenly.</p><p>"ARE YOU DUMB, POTTER?" yelled Malfoy.</p><p>The two girls broke apart and walked over to the living room where Malfoy was standing angrily by Harry.</p><p>"YOU HAVE TO MAKE SURE SHE'S OKAY!" Harry yelled back.</p><p>"I KNOW HOW TO TAKE CARE OF SOMEONE!"</p><p>"SAY THAT FOR YOURSELF!"</p><p>"WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?"</p><p>"ISN'T YOUR WIFE DEAD?"</p><p>Malfoy froze and looked at Harry, his jaw clenched. His hands were balled up into fists. Malfoy turned to walk out and saw Hermione. He quickly grabbed her arm and she was gone.</p><p>They apparated back the Manor and Malfoy were mad, really mad. They were in Hermione's room and he was pacing the length of the room back and forth.</p><p>"He really gets on my nerves," Malfoy said.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0019"><h2>19. I Agree</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Why did we leave?" Hermione asked.</p><p>"Because I couldn't stand Potter. Do you have a problem?" he asked rudely.</p><p>At times like these Hermione almost felt it necessary to curl up in a ball and be a coward. She always thought <em>fuck being a Gryffindor, I'm allowed to feel scared. </em>She never went to that ball but she wanted to so very badly. </p><p>Seeing Malfoy angry lit something up in her, something she didn't understand and knew she'd never understand. It was almost as if it was anger. Seeing him angry would make her slightly angry, but why? She was never scared, but angry when she saw his face light up with rage. That made no sense to her and she didn't think that it ever would. It was pathetic.</p><p>"No no, you're allowed to not like Harry, but why?" She wanted to be respectful because not everyone liked everyone and she's always been respectful of that.</p><p>He looked at her and it wasn't anger anymore. Was it indecision?</p><p>"I have my reasons." He rolled his eyes and crossed them across his chest.</p><p>"And I'd like to hear them," she said as calmly as she could.</p><p>Malfoy looked at Hermione and there were so many emotions flowing through his eyes. She couldn't identify any of them, but she saw them. They were there and watching her gave and she didn't know which ones. Malfoy's cold exterior caused her not to be able to see his emotions because they were so rare on him. She didn't know what happiness looked like. She didn't know what love looks like. She didn't know one thing through his eyes and she could see that.</p><p>He hardened his face as he realized Hermione was studying it.</p><p>He walked to the other side of the room and looked out the window once again. He seemed to always be looking out of windows and it was quite weird if Hermione was being honest. </p><p>"I've always had problems with Potter."</p><p>"I know but why does this make anything different."</p><p>"Because he's trying to prove to me that he should take care of you."</p><p>Hermione knew she'd enjoy staying with Harry more than Malfoy any day. She knew Harry and was his friend so he wouldn't keep her locked up like she was some sort of animal.</p><p>"<em>You </em>aren't even taking care of me, I'm taking care of myself."</p><p>"Yes, but he tried to tell me that you should live at his house and his alone."</p><p>"But that would be better for me I personally think because I know Harry and I don't know you very well."</p><p>"Fuck."</p><p>"What?"</p><p>He shook his head quickly.</p><p>"Nothing. I just told him that Kingsley told me that I was in charge of you and I'm not going to let him watch you, Granger, so don't try."</p><p>"I never said I was going to try because I know that it would be impossible because you would never budge."</p><p>"How do you know, Granger?"</p><p>"Because I've known you long enough to know that you're always committed! You follow things to the end, you don't stop."</p><p>"I know that."</p><p>"Yes, so I know you do things like that so I never asked. I would much prefer to be locked up at Harry's but I know you won't give up because you were told to watch me for some random reason, but I know that you'll protect me and I don't want to admit it, but I think I you'll do a better job at keeping me safe."</p><p>Malfoy turned to look at Granger and he seemed a little happy but she could just see the subtle glint of happiness in his eyes. She smiled at him as she saw him happy.</p><p>"Thank you, Granger."</p><p>"And Harry's just trying to be nice, Draco. He's trying to make it easier for you because he knows Astoria is gone and that it's a hard time so he's just trying to make it easier."</p><p>"I don't need his help," he said through gritted teeth.</p><p>"I know I am just stating a simple fact, Malfoy. Now, what are the other reasons?"</p><p>"He's always been selfish."</p><p>"No, he hasn't! Harry has always been thinking of people and protecting them. He's been nothing but kind through my years at Hogwarts and he never left me behind when I was sulking in those woods, he didn't leave me to go find Ron."</p><p>"Granger, you don't remember half the things Harry Potter was. He was selfish by thinking that he was meant to defeat the Dark Lord, he was selfish to think he had no friends and had to do anything on his own. Harry Potter was extremely rude and didn't give a flying fuck about anyone except himself."</p><p>She stayed quiet as she took in the information that Malfoy was saying.</p><p>"He went to the woods and didn't leave you because he was nice, sure that was good. But at Dumbledore's funeral wasn't he the one saying he had to go alone? He's always been like that, Hermione. He's always been thinking everything weighed on his back. The 'golden boy', the person my father wanted me to be like, a saviour, but no Potter had to come in and save the day every fucking time. Granger, he was rude and unkind. He bullied me."</p><p>"You bullied him!"</p><p>He got very close to Hermione's face in anger.</p><p>"Potter might not have looked like he was bullying me but when I came home for the summer I got punished."</p><p>"What?"</p><p>He backed away and stopped yelling, cooling his expression.</p><p>"My father was not a lovely man. He's still around somewhere with my mother, but he was just cruel. Lucius Malfoy, the man that was rich, cruel, and unkind. He hurt me. When I didn't listen to him, he hurt me. When he found out that I didn't do as good as Potter in a class he would hurt me and tell me to work harder."</p><p>"I'm so sorry, Draco."</p><p>She didn't feel like calling him Malfoy because the name was clearly associated with his father. She knew that bringing anything up about his father probably hurt him. He didn't have a good childhood and she knew that.</p><p>"I'm over it. Once he was sentenced to a few years in Azkaban I took the estate and moved in, running it the way I wanted." He chuckled and it sounded weird coming from Malfoy's mouth. "He never liked Astoria. He didn't approve of someone like her. She treated muggleborns and muggles as equals. I had never seen that in anyone who was a pureblood that came from a family like hers."</p><p>"You should be happy you had Astoria."</p><p>"And she was one of the only good things to happen to me."</p><p>And with that Malfoy swept the room and left quickly out the door.</p><p>She walked over to her bed and thought about what Malfoy was talking about.</p><p>He thought Harry was selfish and Hermione could see why he thought that. Harry did tend to think that everything was his fault and that he had to fix everything. He was always telling them how he was going to do this or that to finish his task. He barely asked for help because he thought he could do everything on his own, but he couldn't. </p><p>Hermione laughed to herself as she knew that Harry wouldn't last five minutes without her. She was always the one who was smart and made sure they learned at Hogwarts. She made sure that they studied and she knew all sorts of spells and was always quick on her feet to think. She was brilliant and she was being full of herself but she knew that without her Harry would be dead. He wouldn't know how to perform accio and he wouldn't have survived the Triwizard Tournament. He would've died first year with the potion question that she used logic for. He would've drunk a random potion and he would've died and she was sure of that. </p><p>If Ron wasn't there they would still be fine but Ron always brought some comedy to the group. He would annoy them, yes. He would tend to be slower at thinking, yes. But without him, they wouldn't be laughing at his slower brain. He was always the one making snarky comments and he always laughed at the most stupid times. He stood up for Hermione and Harry. He was a good friend. He was that friend who was unafraid to do anything. Yes, maybe he was afraid of killing a spider, but if someone called Hermione a mudblood he would always be there to tell them off or attempt to hex them.</p><p>She laughed and felt the tear weld up when she thought of Malfoy calling her a mudblood and Ron coming up to hex him but ending up by hexing himself and throwing up slugs for hours. He was so sweet.</p><p>Hermione found herself thinking about Ron and wondering about all the things she was missing out on.</p><p>Ron would probably smother her with love and she would graciously take it. She would always wonder when she would find Malfoy because of his scent but she would be happy. Ron would be happy.</p><p>She found herself regretting her past as she thought about all those years that she had a crush on Ron and how badly she wanted him to ask her out. She thought of all the times she would talk to Ginny about it and Ginny would just roll her eyes and tell her that it was a stupid school girl crush. </p><p>Ron was Hermione's first crush and her first fiance and probably her only fiance. Ron was always sweet when they were dating. He always held her hand, always walked with her, listened to her speaking about her job. He became so attuned to her that it hurt her so much to leave him.</p><p>She went into a spiral when she left and went to America. It took her a month to leave her parents house and it took her even longer to get out of her flat and go to work. After she went she moved up the ranks quickly.</p><p>Every little affair she had in America was pointless. The American men would always flirt with her and compliment her accent and how cute she was. She slept with some of them, but it never felt right. She would either be thinking about her Amortentia or Ron.</p><p>She felt so bad for Ron that she wrote down the things she loved about him and the things she didn't. She had a very low amount of dislikes and a very large amount of likes. Ron was a good man for her but she was always just so consumed with Malfoy's scent that it blinded her to see the truth.</p><p>In America, she was either at work, a bar, or at her house constantly thinking about her Amortentia. </p><p>Eventually, Ron fell out of her mind and she didn't think about him. She didn't think about the way he grew out his red hair or the way his blue eyes clashed with his freckled face or how he would laugh at the most stupid things Harry would say.</p><p>She missed being in the Golden Trio. She missed spending her says bossing the boys around and telling them what school they needed to get done and how they needed to graduate. She missed trying to convince them to join S.P.E.W. and when they did they wore the badges to support her. She missed yelling at them for sneaking out at night without telling her. She missed trying to convince them that going back to Hogwarts would be the best option. She missed it all.</p><p>She started to think through again at what Malfoy had said. </p><p>Harry thought that it was his responsibility to save the wizarding world and no one else's. He tried to keep the Order out of it. He tried to keep Hermione out of it. Hell, he even tried to keep Dumbledore out of it.</p><p>He thought that because of the prophecy that he was meant to find all the Horcruxes and stand on the battlefield, alone. He expected everyone to back away and be too cowardly to protect the world that they lived in.</p><p>She found herself calling out Pippy's name.</p><p>"Yes, Miss Granger?" Pippy asked.</p><p>"Where is Malfoy?"</p><p>"In the drawing-room, Miss. Is there anything else Miss Granger wishes of Pippy?"</p><p>"No, that will be all. Thank you, Pippy."</p><p>Pippy left and Hermione opened the door that was surprisingly unlocked and made her way to the drawing-room.</p><p>She got there quickly and saw him sitting on a chair, sipping away at some tea.</p><p>"Draco?"</p><p>He looked up quickly and rolled his eyes, taking his eyes off of her.</p><p>"I agree," she said.</p>
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<a name="section0020"><h2>20. Torture</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>I don't know if there should be a TW but TW if you're sensitive to the torture bit in Hermione's life.</b>
</p><p>
  <b>____________________________</b>
</p><p>"What?" Malfoy said. He stood up from his seat and looked at Hermione with a grim expression.</p><p>"I agree with you, Harry was selfish."</p><p>Malfoy rolled his eyes sat back down, crossing his arms across his chest.</p><p>She didn't know what to think of his reaction. It was normal for him, but she hoped something more uplifting and hopeful. Maybe a little smirk or maybe a slight twinkle in his grey eyes but there was nothing. He kept the same stone-cold reaction that he always had and didn't break it. She wanted to break into his head and see what he was thinking, she almost felt she was obligated to but it was his mind and his alone, she shouldn't be allowed to see all the thoughts that flowed through his. She wanted to hear them and learn from them. She wanted to learn how to deal with his spurts of anger. She wanted to know how to help when he was crying in her arms. She wanted to know if he smelt her in Amortentia.</p><p>She didn't leave the room but decided to take a seat on the small couch across from him as he picked up his and started to read it again. His grey stormy dark eyes not leaving. Not even for one second. He carefully would place his teacup to his pink lips and tilt the cup up and take a sip of it. He didn't even think even look at Hermione as she was sitting in the room watching him carefully, following his every expression. He didn't seem to notice the lonely girl watching him, wishing she knew him. She wanted a friend and she had just deemed her closest selfish. She had no one and she wanted to find comfort in a certain Draco Malfoy.</p><p>She looked around the little drawing-room to see that everything was the same color as the rest of the house. It was dark and the walls were painted a dark grey. There was a mirror on the wall and a small jewelry box below. She wanted to know what was in that box as it looked so beautiful. It had flowers scattered on it as it sat right up next to the wall. It didn't fit the darkroom at all as it stuck out like a sore thumb. Dark walls, dark furniture, the grey curtains, and the tiny little floral jewelry box.</p><p>"It was my mother's," Malfoy said causing Hermione to snap her head back to him, her brown curls moving with her head.</p><p>She tilted her head to the side to minimize speaking to him because the more she was focused on his facial expressions the more she would learn about this broken boy who sat before in the house where <em>she </em>was tortured.</p><p>"My father gave it to her about a year before she um left," Malfoy said.</p><p>He didn't talk about his family that much so Hermione was slightly surprised by him saying these things and telling her about the little jewelry box.</p><p>"He loved her, my father, he just wasn't a very good man," Malfoy said and looked back at his book after staring off into space.</p><p>Hermione sat there quietly again as Malfoy kept reading his book. She sort of wanted to grab her book and curl up in the corner and read with Malfoy in the room. She knew that it would be nice to actually have company while reading. She wouldn't be alone in her cold room feeling lonely but Malfoy would sit there probably silently scowling.</p><p>She had wandered the large manor and had almost seen all of it. </p><p>"I remember it," she said quietly.</p><p>She looked up at Malfoy and he had put his book down and was now listening intently to her.</p><p>"Some of it is rather fuzzy but I remember feeling the pain as the curse ran through my body."</p><p>She felt weird talking about her getting tortured. She didn't like to bring up the horrible memories of her writhing in pain as Bellatrix kept cursing her over and over again. It was her worst memory and she cursed it because she was vulnerable and couldn't do anything about it when she was in the situation. She twitched for months after.</p><p>"I still sometimes get flashbacks when Bellatrix was cutting the word <em>mudblood </em>into my arm." She pulled up her sleeve and stared at it. The scars would never heal and it would always be there, it would never leave and she hated thinking about that. She didn't like the fact that she was branded with the slur for what she was. Whenever people saw her scars they would know what she was.</p><p>"In the ballroom when the Death Eaters took Harry and Ron to the basement, I stayed upstairs and I was tortured. I felt the ripples of the curse pound through my veins. I felt the knife deep inside my arm as she wrote in a messy scrawl what I was. I tortured, tied up, and cut. I was bleeding and I needed help and thankfully Dobby came," she said with a little smile as there were no tears left to cry.</p><p>"I'm sorry, Hermione," Malfoy said slowly.</p><p>She snapped her head up as she heard those words come off of his tongue. Hearing her name felt like pleasure in her bones as it curled perfectly off his tongue and sent waves throughout her body.</p><p>"It's not your fault, you couldn't have stopped her."</p><p>She looked at her arm and started to trace the scar. Looking at it, up close was so much different than it used to be. </p><p>After the war whenever she looked at it she had pride as she reminded herself that she had battle scars and how she survived a war. She was quite proud of being able to tell people that she was tortured and she came out happy to still have her friends and family and how the scar reminded her of the worse times, the times that changed her life.</p><p>Now she looked at it with sadness. She was trapped in the house where she got the scar and every time she looked at it memories would come flooding through. The sleek pain of the cruciatus curse made her shake and scream. The feeling that nothing would be the same as she carved those letters one by one into her arm. The knife searing her arm in pain as her screams were echoed through the entire manor. She remembered the time she got it every time she looked at it and thought of how vulnerable she was and how no one came to help her. She laid there and felt like no one was ever going to come and get her. She felt like she was drifting, slowly slipping away.</p><p>"There were a lot of things I regret, Granger, and helping you is one of them," he admitted.</p><p>She looked at him with wide eyes and saw that he was being honest. He regretted not helping her and she didn't know how to feel. She didn't know if she could look at his tired face as he said he was sorry for not helping her. His eyes were telling the truth and she could see it. The one thing she could read on Malfoy was honesty.</p><p>"If you helped me at that moment you would've been killed too and that wouldn't have been good," Hermione said with the smallest smile tugging her lips upward.</p><p>"I never liked the stuff the Death Eaters did and I was thankful that Aunt Bella taught me occulmency so the Dark Lord couldn't get into my mind."</p><p>"What stuff?" she asked him.</p><p>"That's a story for another time," he said with a slight twinkle in his grey eyes that disappeared almost right away.</p><p>"I have news from the Ministry," he said.</p><p>"Am I actually allowed to know all the details?" she slightly teased.</p><p>"This time, yes." He didn't glare at her but looked at her with something she couldn't understand and it made her mad as she couldn't read him.</p><p>"Do I need tissues?" she asked to try and lighten the mood.</p><p>He didn't do anything but just looked into her eyes. His greys eyes looked into her brown ones and she was searching his eyes for some kind of emotion.</p><p>"The Ministry received news this morning that the Death Eaters targetted your parents." His expression didn't change as it was hard and cold towards her which she was used to.</p><p>"You got them out, yes?" she asked hopefully. She could already feel her breathing slow down and her heart rate accelerate. </p><p>He didn't say anything but dropped his eyes towards the ground in defeat.</p><p>"No no no no no no," she said while tears flooded her eyes as she knew what happened.</p><p>"We tried to get them out, it was too late," he said sadly.</p><p>"You're lying," she said as she tried to comfort herself with the pure pain and torture of her parent's loss.</p><p>"We tried our <em>hardest</em>," he tried to reassure her.</p><p>"Well, you didn't try hard enough!" she exclaimed.</p><p>She saw Malfoy get out of his seat and walk with his book in hand towards the door of the room. He looked back at her weeping into her hands and quickly turned back and walked out of the room like it was absolutely nothing.</p><p>She didn't care about Malfoy's reaction to her yelling at him, but she was more depressed about her parents.</p><p>Her parents had always been amazing to Hermione and when she took their memories she was hoping to get them back which she did. They were kind muggles who thought of their daughter and her health first. They made sure that Hermione had everything she needed and they let her go out on her own to discover the world. They hugged her gratefully when she went to Australia and got their memories.</p><p>They were the best parents one could ask for.</p><p>Okay, so they didn't respect Hermione's decision to leave Ron at the altar but they let her stay. They tried to talk her back into going to at least talk to Ron which rubbed off on her as she then constantly went to visit Ron and the rest of the Weasley's after they told her once. They always told her to be her best.</p><p>They watched as Hermione was dressed in her wedding gown and her father walking her down the aisle that she would soon leave and never want to return to. They watched her run when she was struggling. They watched her struggle with her thoughts and her actions and they comforted her. They made sure that she thought about herself first before other people.</p><p>Hermione always had a shoulder to cry on when she was ever sad or missing her friends in the summer. Her mom would hold onto her as she complained about Ron and Harry and how Ron is probably having the time of his life with Harry and she felt left out. Her mom would rub circles on her back and tell her it was okay to cry.</p><p>Her dad was the person who always helped her achieve her accomplishments. He would always help her study late at night even if he didn't even know what was going on he would always look at her books over the summer and help her. He was interested in learning more about magic and he graciously helped her study.</p><p>She wanted her parents back, the only thing left of the muggle world she had. She had nothing else left in that world and apart of her felt empty because she grew up in that world with her parents always encouraging her to do her best and taking her to football games while they cheered for their favorite team.</p><p>She was going to miss seeing her father's face light up when she did something funny. She was going to miss her mother's wonderful home cooking. She was going to miss them talking about the kids that bit their fingers while they were working on their teeth.</p><p>But most importantly, she was going to miss the people that raised her.</p><p>She was going to miss their warm smiles and their look of frustration when I took too long to get downstairs to wash the dishes. She was going to miss the little things and the big things. </p><p>She loved them. She never wanted to forget them. She was sure she was never going to forget them.</p><p>Malfoy brought up their death at the worst time when she was already remembering when she was tortured, he shouldn't have done it at that time.</p><p>For now, she just sat in the drawing-room with her head in her hands, crying as she remembered the days when her parents were full of life.</p>
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<a name="section0021"><h2>21. Corridors</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The next two months for Hermione was treacherous. She betrayed herself by thinking back on her parents and all the things they did. She thought about Ron and Harry and how she missed them and how she hadn't seen any of them in so long. </p><p>It felt so different for her than the year she took off. She was being forced to stay inside, she couldn't leave. She was trapped in Malfoy Manor and she had found no way of leaving. America was so much different because she <em>chose </em>to be in America and take time from everyone, but this time she hated it. She hated being cut off from the normal wizarding world. She missed the smell of Butterbear and she missed being able to go to Diagon Alley and looking through Flourish and Blott's. She missed it.</p><p>Malfoy never let her leave, not even for a second. She had tried many times to persuade him but he would just chuckle and tell her that he had to make sure she was okay for Kingsley. Everything he did was apparently for her good so she would stay alive and well. </p><p>She thought it was bullshit. She knew she had a right to at least go outside but she didn't. She wanted to be able to interact with people other than him but he just wouldn't budge. She knew she needed to just push him far enough to let her leave and every time she did she would cross her fingers and hope that he would say yes but he would harshly let her down and not even spare her feelings.</p><p>Malfoy seemed like he was in a mood during the whole time. He never left his room and every time Hermione tried to at least talk to him he would quickly gather his things and leave as fast as he could like he was trying to get away from Hermione. Whenever he made eye contact with her she would always feel herself smiling because he was the only human contact that she had. She hated that the only reason she was staying sane was because Draco Malfoy occasionally looked her in the eyes.  Those grey longing eyes.</p><p>Her Amortentia was constantly present in her mind as she remembered that <em>he </em>was the person that she smelt and every time she breathed the potion in the past that she was smelling him and she knew that one day she needed to put up with him but it clearly didn't seem like that at all. She couldn't stand it when he would insult her and laugh about how pathetic she was. She hated herself for thinking anything better of Malfoy because he was just a pain in her ass. </p><p>Hermione tried to go through scenarios in her head about how she could ever desire Malfoy the most but she never came up with anything. He was a bully. She was a know it all. Their relationship would never work and because of that, she doubted that she actually smelt Malfoy in there. She hoped that maybe she just wasn't smelling things right or she had just forgotten the scent that intoxicated her.</p><p>She couldn't forget the scent.</p><p>After so many days she knew that she'd never be able to forget the beautiful scent of that Amortentia. The way that the roses worked in a floral way to create a little ease. The way that the apples brought some sweetness. The way the peppermint brought a minty taste that when she breathed it in, it filled her nose with a lovely peaceful scent. The way the rich cologne left her nose tingling with need. She always had a thing for cologne.</p><p>She kept trying to convince herself that one day Malfoy would change and it would make sense why she smelt him, but he never did. Every day he would be as cruel as he was at school and not even spare her feelings as he would just push her buttons. The right buttons that Ron always picked on. He would say stupid remarks and she would become enraged because he was stating incorrect facts and he knew he was. Draco Malfoy was anything but stupid.</p><p>He was always smart in school and he was just behind Hermione in grades. He always worked hard and quickly, being able to accomplish anything. He was smart and he knew lots, but he always leaned back on his words. He tried to look cool at school by bullying children and making them scared of him because he thought it was "cool".</p><p>Hermione always thought that if Draco wasn't a Slytherin he would be a Ravenclaw.</p><p>Hermione never envied Malfoy in school because she was <em>always </em>top of her class. She was always the one that the teacher's favored because of her hard work paying off. She was always thinking of all the possibilities. She always used logic and it impressed the teachers as she even got awarded for using logic in first year.</p><p>Her life was a mess.</p><p>She was an accomplished woman who was once the Head of the Department of Law Enforcement at the MACUSA and she was one of the leading women in the Ministry at one time for speaking up about S.P.E.W. She knew her place and she missed it. She missed giving speeches and being able to tell people that it will be okay and not to worry if their life gets hard.</p><p>She missed going to Hogwarts and visiting the house elves in the kitchens while giving them their pay and some clothing. She missed their little smiles as they thanked her and left quickly to give her food which she quickly refused.</p><p>She missed attending meetings at Ilvermorny where children would come up to her and ask about her adventures with Harry Potter. She missed getting told that she was a people's role model.  She sounded cocky but she missed it.</p><p>She missed making a difference in young witch's and wizard's lives and telling them that no matter how hard it was that it would get better and everything would eventually go as they were meant to because that's how life was.</p><p>She missed it all. The muggle world. The wizarding world. Her parents. Her friends. Being free. </p><p>She felt trapped and all she wanted was to get back home to where she belonged, she wanted to see the people she loved and not tell them that she couldn't stand them. She wanted to hug people and tell them that it was going to be okay. </p><p>She wanted to have a funeral for her parents.</p><p>***</p><p>Hermione snuck out of her room to go for a little snack in the middle of the night so she slipped out of her bed before throwing her bushy brown hair up into a bun and slipping out of the door, trying not to make many noises.</p><p>She walked the corridors that felt so familiar to her. They weren't familiar because she had traveled down the corridor a dozen times but familiar because she remembered some things.</p><p>She placed her hand on the wall and traced the crack in the old dark paint. Her finger was brushing it as she watched her hand keep moving down the wall, not even caring where it was going or when she was going to get to a certain place. She didn't care if Malfoy saw her, she just watched her hand brush the wall lightly.</p><p>It seemed odd as she could suddenly remember being pulled down the corridor, a wand going down the wall. </p><p>She put her hand on her arm as she stopped, remembering feeling the hard grip of some wizard. He was blond but not Malfoy. She remembered being dragged and thrown into her bedroom before they sped off somewhere. </p><p>She looked down the long dark corridor and saw a torch flicker at the end that she hadn't seen before. She looked around to make sure Malfoy wasn't watching her as she slowly walked in the other direction towards the glowing torch.</p><p>She was getting closer to it and she could remember a little bit more. </p><p>Red eyes staring at her as she was strapped to a chair, being tortured some more.</p><p>She remembered never feeling fear like that anywhere else. She remembered the ripples of a curse pulsing through her veins, making her scream as the red-eyed man started laughing and pushing the curse on her more and more, making her scream harder.</p><p>She remembered them stopping and someone caring her back to her room, whispering something to her. She couldn't quite remember what they were saying but she could remember feeling utterly alone till they came and picked her up and carried her back to her room, giving her a bath.</p><p>She remembered feeling their cold hands on her body as they put soap on it and lathered it on and rinsed it off. </p><p>She remembered clutching to the body all through the night and then holding her back while whispering little things that she didn't remember. They kept their arms on her the whole time and gave her some kisses on her forehead.</p><p>She felt her head start to pound and she grabbed her head before trying not to make noise by biting her lip. She sunk down to the floor as she heard voices.</p><p>"Don't tell him," said a dark whisper that scared Hermione so much.</p><p>"Tell who what?" Hermione whispered out of pain before biting down on her lip again and pushing her head up against the wall.</p><p>"Don't tell the dragon about the place or I will come and kill you myself," the voice said darkly, causing Hermione to shudder.</p><p>"Who is the dragon?" she almost screamed.</p><p>"Don't tell the dragon about the place or I will come and kill you myself," it said again, causing Hermione to yelp out in pain.</p><p>She heard a voice that wasn't in her head, it was the voice of a man but she had no energy to pay attention to the person calling out her name.</p><p>She couldn't hear herself scream but she felt the warm tears flood down her face as she threw her head back against the wall, her legs shaking like crazy.</p><p>"I am not afraid of you, <em>mudblood</em> and I am not afraid the kill the one you feel deepest about. He doesn't scare me and neither do you," the chilling voice said.</p><p>Hermione screamed loudly as the voice slowly left her head, leaving her sweating and breathing intensely. </p><p>"Hermione! Hermione!" She heard someone call, she could barely hear them and she didn't have the energy to hear them.</p><p>She felt hands on her shoulders, her face. She felt someone's cold hands move her head to the side to inspect it, she was pretty sure.</p><p>She didn't bother opening her eyes as she felt all the energy drained from her body. She felt like she was dead. She could feel the sweat trickling down her face and she could feel the tears fall from her chin but she couldn't open her eyes, not yet.</p><p>She felt her body get lifted into the air and she immediately clutched onto the man like she did when she was tortured by the red-eyed man. It even felt like them. The smooth muscles she could feel on his shoulders. The way that she could feel his stare go right through her closed eyes. </p><p>She didn't care and she wrapped her arms around his neck and dug her head into the crook of their neck, holding on only tighter than ever, embracing the smell of them.</p><p>She felt her body get placed down and heard the footsteps move around the room.</p><p>She felt empty without the man right by her. It was something new that she never expected to feel but she just wanted the man's comfort, just wanted him to hold her.</p><p>She heard the door open and she whispered, "Stay."</p><p>She could almost feel the man look at her with sympathy before she felt his body on the bed, but farther away from her, she knew she needed him closer, but she didn't want to open her eyes.</p><p>She quickly shifted her body so that her head was on his chest and he didn't even flinch before he wrapped his arms around her and held her closer as he whispered, "It's okay, Hermione, I'm here, I'm never going to leave you."</p><p>She felt herself smiling before whispering, "Please don't."</p><p>"I won't."</p><p>She felt a soft kiss on her head as she slowly drifted off into the best sleep that she had in a century.</p>
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<a name="section0022"><h2>22. What is Love</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>from this part of the story on there will be more swearing so be aware of that. I've refrained from using it long enough so I'm going to use it a lot more.</b>
</p><p>Hermione awoke with a pounding headache. She felt horrible as her body ached. Her aches and pains weren't there the day before and she knew why, it was because of the way she remembered being tortured right down the hall. The memories she didn't even know she had and the haze that was upon it was unmistakable.</p><p>She decided it was time to open her eyes but she didn't want to. She wanted to lay there forever, she didn't want to face the world and she most definitely didn't want to go outside the room and down the corridor, she couldn't.</p><p>She realized her head was on something hard. She breathed in and smelt a lovely mix of peppermint and rich cologne. She wrapped her arms around the body and she felt the arm around her pull her closer to them.</p><p>She opened her eyes and saw herself in Malfoy's arms. She didn't flinch out of her position and left her arms around the muscular man. She felt his firm arm keeping her on his chest, not being able to move, not caring to move.</p><p>She looked up at him and he looked tired yet peaceful. He was asleep and seemed like he was comforted by Hermione in his arms. He didn't seem like he was cruel or rude but he seemed just perfect. The way his platinum blond hair fell into his eyes, the way his face held no creases as he slept, and the way he was positioned to hold Hermione like he was so familiar to her arms.</p><p>She almost felt a little spark of joy to see Malfoy looking like there was nothing wrong with him like nothing would ever be wrong with him. He looked vulnerable and perfect.</p><p>Hermione shifted a little bit and Malfoy's eyes flung open and his grey eyes were watching hers intently. There was definitely worry and he wasn't even trying to hide it from her. He looked worried for her and she knew it.</p><p>"Good morning," he said with curiosity in his tone, "Do you?" He was careful when he was asking these questions and it scared Hermione because she didn't know what he meant.</p><p>"Do I what?"</p><p>"Nevermind." He pulled his arm away from Hermione and quickly got off the bed to step away from Hermione.</p><p>She immediately wanted him back because even though his body was cold it was nice, it was claiming, something she had never experienced with anyone else.</p><p>She let it slide and sat up in the bed, stretching her arms and yawning as she watched Draco watch her. A shiver was sent down her spine as he looked at her with much intent.</p><p>"What happened?" She asked carefully. She knew that he was now going to be sensitive and he was going to be short-tempered so she needed to ask her questions carefully and slowly.</p><p>"You had a flashback I believe." He folded his arms across his chest and kept staring at the woman.</p><p>"Was it-it-"</p><p>"Yes."</p><p>She almost gasped as she knew who that flashback was about, someone horrible and the whispers. . . she couldn't think about whispers in her ear about the dragon and she wanted to know what she wasn't supposed to tell the dragon, it was important and she could deduct that much from it.</p><p>"Do you know why?" She felt her heart drop as she kept thinking about those words the whisper said, she recognized the whisper, she knew it, she just couldn't think about what the whisper would do to her if she told the dragon. </p><p>Well, kill her, she knew that much but she wanted to know what would happen to the dragon.</p><p>"No." He looked down at his wrists for a second, massaging them and snapping them back to Hermione's brown eyes.</p><p>"How much can you tell me?"</p><p>"Not much. I don't know why that happened," he said fairly. </p><p>She didn't respond as she felt almost brought aback by the sudden wave of memories of the whisper and the chair as she was tortured. Every bit of her body feeling like it was falling apart. And Draco coming to take her back to her room and being nice to her like the night before. She didn't know why his first reaction was to help her and not just laugh at her, it didn't sound like him at all.</p><p>Her eyes trailed to those grey ones and they looked full of guilt. She could see the emotion and it blinded her, all she could think about were those grey eyes having defeat in them, stuck more like. Those eyes <em>stuck</em> with defeat on them.</p><p>"Why did I see it?" she asked. She looked down at her hands and they were shaking slightly. She pulled her eyes up to Malfoy's and he was watching her hands with fear laced through his eyes, pulling in and out of them like a needle lacing through the fabric. </p><p>"It's probably because of what you've gone through in the last few months. News like the news you've received does one to a person."</p><p>"I don't think it is because I've gotten so used to the idea that I have no one."</p><p>He rolled his eyes and said quickly, "You can still feel the pain after two months." His eyes turned a murky grey and it showed that he was sad or reminiscing on something, Hermione knew what.</p><p>"You still miss her," Hermione said.</p><p>Draco snapped his eyes up to Hermione who was sitting comfortably on the bed.</p><p>"I do, but not in that way."</p><p>"In what way?"</p><p>"In the way that I miss her kisses or sex with her or even just her being my wife."</p><p>"So, you don't miss her romantically?"</p><p>"Yes, I suppose so," he said with the ghost of a smile upon his face.</p><p>This was news to Hermione because at school Astoria and Malfoy were always together and they were never really apart, they always looked after each other, watching over one another. They were like attached at the hip, they were inseparable. It all seemed confusing to Hermione because Astoria always <em>needed </em>Draco in that way or so it seemed like it.</p><p>"You don't miss your wife being <em>your </em>wife?"</p><p>"No, you see I had a thing with a girl at Hogwarts and she was amazing, I loved her."</p><p>"What happened to her?"</p><p>He quickly looked down at Hermione and gulped before looking down at the ground and he said, "She's gone for now."</p><p>"And what does this <em>girl </em>have to do with you and Astoria?"</p><p>"I loved Astoria, I really did, but I loved this girl more and I could barely breathe when I thought of the fact that she could be hurt at any time. She was the one who insisted Astoria and I get married."</p><p>"Why though?"</p><p>"Because she needed to leave."</p><p>Hermione had a hard time wrapping that thought around. How could someone do that to Malfoy? How could they insist on him and Astoria getting married? Did she not know how Draco felt towards her? What was it?</p><p>"Funny thing is that Astoria didn't like boys, at all," Malfoy said with a silent chuckle.</p><p>"So, your <em>friend </em>who you <em>loved </em>told you to marry a girl who didn't even like your gender? Why?"</p><p>"Well, Astoria married me because of that <em>friend, </em>she loved that friend and I do believe she had a crush on her <em>but </em>Astoria did it for <em>her </em>and she sacrificed. We slept in other rooms, we barely talked but we tried to conceive because it would seem like a normal thing to do given that we were "in love" so we eventually conceived little Scorpius and she died."</p><p>Hermione didn't know what to say. What kind of friend would do that? Was Astoria dumb for agreeing with it if she had a crush on this friend? How could someone so heartless break a man away from the woman he loved? How could one just tell someone to stop and go marry some random person? That was some shitty friend.</p><p>"That's fucked up," Hermione said.</p><p>"She had an active imagination," Malfoy said with a laugh that sounded so broken.</p><p>"How could someone do that to you?"</p><p>"Because she <em>cared </em>about <em>me</em> and not a lot of people actually care about me and she knew what she was doing, Granger."</p><p>"She clearly didn't think about it that much. Why would you agree?"</p><p>"Because being a Death Eater has its tolls," he snapped.</p><p>She froze at his words as he turned around quickly and looked out the window, at the rose bush. The deep red she could see from the bed and she could see his reflection in the mirror as it wasn't angry but something else was there. It was hope, it was anguish, it was sadness. </p><p>He didn't look okay anymore. He didn't look alive, he looked lonely. Everything about him seemed lonely at that time.</p><p>He was utterly alone in a world where the woman he loved was who knows where doing who knows what.</p><p>"It broke me," he said.</p><p>Hermione's eyes widened as in the window it looked like he was on the verge of tears. The brokenness of his expression was even showing in his posture. It seemed like utter torture.</p><p>She didn't answer and let him keep speaking.</p><p>"Being a Death Eater broke me. I was made to do things I didn't want to. I was forced to try to fucking <em>kill </em>Dumbledore. I thought it would be over after he was dead but it wasn't, it just kept going on and on for what felt like forever. I remember every fucking person I've dueled, every fucking person I've tortured, every fucking person who has looked at me with fear in their eyes. </p><p>"It fucking hurts."</p><p>She knew that being a Death Eater was bad but she didn't know it was bad for Malfoy. During their sixth year it almost seemed like he was <em>happy </em>at the beginning of the year to be a Death Eater, but then being completely alone near the end of the term. He was trying to cope with the difficulties of being a Death Eater and she could see right through him.</p><p>"It doesn't help that I have a bloody mark leftover from those days to constantly remind me what the fuck I did wrong. I knew it was wrong and I still fucking did it. <em>Anything for family</em> I kept reminding myself that I was doing it for my mother and father, that I was keeping our family alive instead of tearing it apart. But we fucking broke!"</p><p>He slammed his hands on the window and she kept her eyes on his, just looking. </p><p>"I did everything I could to keep my family alive and it didn't fucking work! I tried and I pushed us to get better, to live a better life, to be kinder and it didn't fucking work! The Malfoys have been doomed since day one."</p><p>"Don't say that."</p><p>He snapped his head towards her and she looked at him in fear. The look he was giving off was much more terrifying than it was in the mirror and it scared her because of the hostility those eyes held. She was ready to kill, he was angry.</p><p>"What did you say, <em>Granger</em>?" he spat.</p><p>"Don't say that the Malfoys have been doomed. You can still be good and your future children can too. Hell, your father could even change! You guys <em>aren't </em>bad, you just showing your true colors in different ways and that is <em>okay</em>."</p><p>"You don't know that, Hermione."</p><p>"I do, Draco, I <em>know. </em> I <em>know </em>you can change and for the better. I <em>know </em>that you're good and I <em>know </em>that each and every one of you Malfoys can change because you guys just have your flaws and yours happen to be more prominent. <em>But </em>you can change those, you can stear to the right path. You can leave your old ways behind and start your own ways, Draco."</p><p>"There's not much I can do now, we're too far gone," Draco said quietly.</p><p>She got off the bed and decided to hold his face between her hands and she did just that. </p><p>His face was forced to look down at her and his eyes were melting with something pure. She didn't care, she forced her look to be hard. </p><p>"<em>You </em>are not too far gone and neither is your family because you guys can change, I've seen it in the worst of people, Draco."</p><p>They stopped and both looked at each other for a minute. Their eyes both melting. Hermione didn't move her hands from his face and kept him looking down at her short self.</p><p>His lips parted and Hermione looked at them. He didn't say anything so Hermione pulled her look back up to his grey eyes and his eyes were on hers once again.</p><p>Lost in the moment. That's what she felt. She felt lost in this moment, not knowing if she'd ever escape the moment, not knowing if she wanted to escape it.</p><p>Malfoy suddenly pulled away and walked towards the door and quickly left without saying anything. </p><p>She stood there, wondering what she did wrong but his walk wasn't angry at all, it was something else, softer. </p><p>She knew she probably just shouldn't have held his face, that was probably a little too much.</p><p>She looked out the window he stood by and looked over the yard and the roses that were slowly dying. The winter roses were dying and she felt sad because those roses were so beautiful. </p><p>She looked up towards Malfoy's room and he was looking down at her and he quickly noticed her looking back and walked away from the window.</p><p>What did she do wrong? </p><p>Why was Malfoy acting like this?</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0023"><h2>23. Memories</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong>This Chapter is <em>super </em>short, I apologize.</strong>
</p><p> </p><p>The manor was dark. Cold. It didn't feel safe. It felt like anything ever happy in the manor was taken away and it was just darkness. The walls didn't feel safe. The corridors scared Hermione. She couldn't bear to look at Malfoy. She cowered under the covers at night thinking about those red eyes and the way the whispers pulled on everything that made her fear of what happened.</p><p>The problem was that she didn't know. She didn't remember why she was in Malfoy Manor, only when Bellatrix tortured her, but she most certainly didn't remember a reason for her to be at the manor. She didn't know the reason for her torture in the chair but it was just on the tip of her tongue. </p><p>It was like it was waiting there, dormant for some sign of movement and when she least expected it, it would come back in a flash and flood her head with knowledge. She wanted that knowledge so badly and she knew Malfoy knew why she was like this and why she was tortured. She couldn't <em>stand </em>him because he didn't tell her anything. How could he?</p><p>Hermione had enough of the dark walls and the books that scattered her room. She was tired of the lonely nights alone in her room. She didn't want to only talk to a house elf, she wanted to have normal human interaction. She didn't care if it was one of the Death Eaters that were looking for her, anything was better then this.</p><p>She would give anything to get out of this hell hole.</p><p>She hated going to dinner and Malfoy saying nothing but not being rude. She was tired of having to put up without talking, without living, she needed someone she could hold onto.</p><p>She asked Draco a few times if she could visit the Potter's and he said no and left in the other direction in a spurt of anger. He hated when she asked for anything but she didn't ask for much.</p><p>She had given up a long time ago asking for things. She didn't care if she was allowed to take a walk outside anymore. She didn't care if she was able to wander the halls for a little adventure. She just stayed in her room and looked at the dead roses that hung lower and lower each day.</p><p>She was a mess and she didn't care because she liked feeling like a mess for once. She liked knowing that her life was so predictable that it actually bored her. She would try to remember her Hogwarts days and she could remember most things from first year to fifth year but anything after that was blurred in her memory, and it felt like it was going to return to her very soon.</p><p>She never got dressed and she never bothered to leave her room. She had read all the books too many times to count and she still wasn't allowed in the library which always made her huff and take a nap.</p><p>Let's just say that she didn't give a fuck about the world anymore.</p><p>Her head always raged into a battle as one side was telling her to convince Malfoy to let her live her life and if Death Eaters come then they do but the other side of her just wanted to stay with Draco where she knew she was safe because his job was to protect her and he had to do that.</p><p>She was confused nonetheless. All the things fighting in her head for dominance were enraging and she got constant headaches. The pain numbed and she could barely feel it as she looked around. She stared out the window, day after day, barely taking her eyes off of the window.</p><p>She didn't talk to herself because she could barely deal with her own company, something she knew she needed to learn to do. She was always just quiet and barely a word came out of her mouth and she sort of enjoyed it. The way that she could just carelessly think without having to worry about revealing her secrets to anyone. It was nice but also pure torture.</p><p>Her life didn't seem put together. She felt lost. Confused. And she wanted to know why.</p><p>***</p><p>She sat in her normal chair with a sweater on and a pair of jeans as she looked in her normal spot, towards the trees, into nowhere. No happiness was radiating from the room.</p><p>She kept getting flashes here or there of faces and hearing some words about different things that made no sense. One word she kept hearing was <em>dragon. </em>She kept hearing it and trying to put it into sentences and deduct what it meant but she could never figure out what the word <em>dragon </em>meant.</p><p>She heard a knock on the door and quickly snapped her head towards the door. She knew who it was right away so she let out a huff and said, "Come in."</p><p>The door opened and she didn't bother turning her head as she focused her eyes on a single old thorn on the lovely roses. Did they seem to be wilting along with her?</p><p>"I have some important information to share with you," Malfoy said. He didn't try to get her to turn because he knew that she wouldn't. She would just stare out the window for hours on end, no end in sight.</p><p>"The Death Eaters were spotted in Europe." He seemed stiff as he talked. She didn't care about his expressions anymore, she could never figure out what they meant so she didn't even bother trying because there was no point.</p><p>"Good for them," she mumbled.</p><p>She knew mumbling made Malfoy mad and yet she didn't care because she couldn't care about anything, not even the stupid Amortentia.</p><p>"You know they're getting closer, Granger, why hasn't this affected you at all?" He seemed careful of his words and that made Hermione bite her lip, thinking.</p><p>"It has. The toll the Death Eaters have put on me is. . . I don't know how to explain it but it feels larger than life itself. I'm never getting out of this. Draco, they took my family, they took all the will I have left to live and I don't <em>care </em>they can take me and take me far away, they've hurt enough people."</p><p>"So you think you can be a fucking Gryffindor at a time like this?"</p><p>"<em>These </em>times are the reasons I'm a Gryffindor. I <em>want </em>them to take me."</p><p>"What about Potter and Weasley?"</p><p>"You've restricted them from getting access to me."</p><p>"I lift that ban."</p><p>"No! You see this what you do, Malfoy! You live your life in your own bubble and don't tolerate anyone who disagrees with you. You demand power! And when you don't get that power you so long for it all falls apart, all of it. There is never a single drop of pity when you do <em>terrible </em>things for power, Malfoy. Why do you even care?"</p><p>"I have my reasons," he said through gritted teeth.</p><p>"Tell me then! Why do you care?"</p><p>"I'll show you."</p><p>Malfoy slowly pulled his wand out of his cloak and pointed it at Hermione.</p><p>"What are you doing?" She yelled.</p><p>"I'm giving you my reasons," he said softly. </p><p>He muttered something under his breath, a spell of some sort. </p><p>It came back. All of it. The memories of long ago.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0024"><h2>24. Hogwarts</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>September 1996</b>
</p><p>Hermione sat in the compartment with Ron and Harry arguing about Harry's suspicions on Malfoy. It was stupid and Hermione knew it. There was no way in hell that Malfoy would even be a Death Eater, he would never do it. Even if Malfoy was a spoiled little brat she knew that he would be too scared to be one because his money and father solved every problem for him, causing him to be extremely spoiled and privileged. </p><p>"You don't understand, Ron! I think Malfoy is a Death Eater," Harry said while Ron rolled his blue eyes.</p><p>"Where's the fucking proof?" Ron replied.</p><p>"Ask Hermione," Harry responded. His green eyes turned to look at Hermione who was watching people pass by outside of the compartment.</p><p>"Okay," Ron said as he turned his body to face Hermione and he said, "Mione, do you have proof that <em>Malfoy</em> is a fucking Death Eater?"</p><p>"Harry! Ronald! Stop fighting! This getting annoying," she huffed. She looked back and forth from the two boys and Harry shook his head while Ron turned to look out the window.</p><p>"Ro-" Harry said but Hermione interrupted.</p><p>"Stop! I'm going to say hi to Luna and Neville," she said as she put her wand in her pocket and walked into the corridor of the train. She could hear Ron and Harry arguing even more and she needed a break.</p><p>Hermione looked in each compartment and didn't see them. She hated when they would just wander off. She looked at her watch and went back to the compartment where Ron and Harry were now laughing away at some jokes and eating some food from the trolley.</p><p>"Ron, get your robes on, we have to get to the prefect's carriage," Hermione said as she lifted her trunk down from the rack above Ron's head and pulled out her badge and robes.</p><p>Hermione left the compartment as Ron changed quickly into his robes and Hermione went to the bathroom to get dressed.</p><p>She walked past people who greeted her and they smiled at her and some even asked questions about the attack on the Ministry. She quickly told them that she didn't want to talk about it and she kept moving.</p><p>She finally got to the bathroom and she started to strip her clothes off as she put her skirt on, her button-up shirt, her tie, and her robes. She fixed her hair a little bit and looked in the mirror.</p><p>Her face was a little fuller due to staying at the Weasley's all summer and her complexion was pale. She didn't know why she looked so pale but she pushed it off as she pulled her hair back into a ponytail.</p><p>Her summer at the burrow was fun in her opinion. She spent a lot of time with Ginny who went on for hours about Dean Thomas, her boyfriend. She got to learn how to knit from Mrs. Weasley and Mr. Weasley asked her questions on questions about the muggle world where she happily replied.</p><p>Ron tended to just follow Hermione around because Harry hadn't arrived yet which annoyed Hermione and Ginny as well. Ron would try to keep Hermione company wherever she went which was sweet but she just wanted her own space sometimes and when Harry came that was her deliverance.</p><p>Harry told them about Dumbledore's hand and how much he missed Sirius. It was sweet of him and Hermione would think about how Harry felt and cry because she felt terrible for him.</p><p>The order would sometimes hold meetings at the Weasley's and Lupin would constantly run them as he was determined to see them win the war for Sirius. For all of them. Mrs. Weasley got very emotional at the meetings.</p><p>Hermione didn't even try to listen in on the meetings as she sat in Ginny's room reading or talking to Harry and Ron. Recently it was all about Harry expecting a 16-year-old boy to be a Death Eater which made no sense to Hermione because what person in their right mind would want to be something like that at their age? She did remember Malfoy and how he just looked at the cabinet in Borgin and Burke's. She remembered him coming out and making direct eye contact with her before leaving even though she was under the invisibility cloak.</p><p>She quickly told herself to stop thinking about it because there was no doubt she would look into it too much because she would regret it in the end.</p><p>She grabbed her clothes and threw them into her bag as she opened the bathroom door and pinned her badge to her robes. She walked down to her, Harry and Ron's compartment, and shoved her clothes back into her trunk. Ron stood up and wished Harry a goodbye as they both made their way towards the prefect's carriage.</p><p>"Look, Mione," Ron said as he grabbed Hermione's arm and turned her around with an apologetic look in his eyes. "I'm sorry for dragging you into that conversation."</p><p>"Thank you, Ronald," she said.</p><p>She pulled him into a hug and he awkwardly wrapped his hands around her back. He held her there before she pulled off of him and started to walk to the carriage.</p><p>Once they got there Hermione and Ron took a seat in a corner where they had a good view of the new prefects. They were sitting near the front as the Head Boy and Girl stood up at the front and started to talk to everyone.</p><p>They called for attendance and Blaise Zabini subbed in for Malfoy as the Head Boy and Girl told them that he had resigned from his prefect duties. Hermione was definitely confused by this but she quickly shook the thought out of her head. They put people on patrolling duties and told the fifth year prefects that they were to take the first years back to their dorms. Everyone was content and they were dismissed with a few prefects staying in the carriage but Ron and Hermione quickly going back to Harry's.</p><p>"So, you have to patrol from nine to eleven tonight," Ron said with his hands in his pockets as he pushed by some kids who were running down the corridor. "Hey!" He called after them. "No running in the corridor please!"</p><p>They quickly nodded and went into a compartment. </p><p>Hermione and Ron kept walking.</p><p>"D-do you need me to help you? I wasn't put on duty so I'm just asking," he said with a half-smile.</p><p>"No, I'm fine," she responded giving a short look towards Ron.</p><p>They got to the compartment and slipped in where Harry was bouncing his leg up and down and looking out the window, completely ignoring Ron and Hermione.</p><p>"You're patrolling the sixth and fifth floor right?" Ron said as he grabbed a chocolate frog and started to open it. </p><p>"Yeah but not a lot of kids should be over there." Hermione pulled out her book and started to read it trying to ignore Ron's questions.</p><p>"What about the seventh year party?" </p><p>"I'll just let them have their fun, it happens every year." Hermione knew that the seventh years always had a party to celebrate their last year and it had been a tradition for many years, never faltering. It would always get wild and the teachers chose to ignore it. That's why they put Hermione or any sixth-year prefect to patrol those corridors because they would surely let them be and the fifth years always reported them.</p><p>Harry suddenly stood up and shoved something into his robes. He looked at Hermione and Ron and gave a smile before saying, "I'm going to go say hi to some people." </p><p>Harry didn't wait for Hermione or Ron to respond before he was out of the compartment and already walking down the hall to who knows where.</p><p>Ron seemed oblivious to Harry shoving something into his robes and Hermione knew exactly what it was. He put his invisibility cloak into his pocket and she already knew that he was up to something but she didn't have the energy to look too much into it.</p><p>Ron sat there talking to Hermione about the things Harry has said and his argument trying to prove Malfoy being a Death Eater. Hermione simply told him that it was a load of rubbish and Harry thought he saw something. Their argument was stupid.</p><p>Hermione knew that the whole theory about Draco being a Death Eater was odd but when she put the facts together she could slightly see it. She only had one piece of evidence but it felt like enough.</p><p>Harry didn't come back when the train reached Hogsmeade station and Hermione was too impatient to wait for him. </p><p>"He'll be here," Ron said with a hopeful look on his face as he looked down the corridor.</p><p>"Come on, Ron, he's not coming," Hermione said, tugging his sleeve to make him come. Ron looked at Hermione and back down the corridor, hoping to see him somewhere.</p><p>"He's probably in a carriage already," Ron said as he came out of the compartment and walked with Hermione towards the carriages.</p><p>They sat in a carriage and Ginny, Dean, Luna, and Neville all squeezed in with them. It was a tight squeeze but no one complained.</p><p>"Where's Harry?" Ginny asked as she looked back at the carriage behind them moving swiftly.</p><p>"Last I saw him he was putting on the invisibility cloak," Neville said. </p><p>Hermione and Ron both looked at each other and then him in worry. She knew Ron was eager to ask why and she was too but she kept it to herself.</p><p>"What happened after?" Ron said eagerly. </p><p>Hermione whacked his arm and gave him a stare before he rubbed his arm and turned back away from Hermione, rolling his eyes. </p><p>"He went into a compartment," Luna said in her high beautiful voice.</p><p>"Do you know whose?" Ron asked again.</p><p>"Why do you care?" Ginny asked.</p><p>"Shut the fuck up, Ginny! For like five minutes," Ron replied.</p><p>"Don't talk to Ginny like that," Dean said in a deep voice which sounded sweet but he was clearly trying to sound intimidating.</p><p>"Dean, how about you butt out!" Ron said.</p><p>Neville looked between the two boys and Neville quickly said, "Crabbe and Goyle came out of it later with Parkinson and Zabini."</p><p>"Great," Ron threw his hands in the air. "Mione, you know why he was there."</p><p>"Yes, <em>but</em> we don't need to talk about it now, <em>Ronald</em>," Hermione said through grit teeth.</p><p>Ron huffed and looked at the trees instead. </p><p>No one really talked all the way up to the castle and when they got up there, they all split up to go their separate ways. </p><p>Hermione pulled Ron's sleeve towards an empty part of the Entrance Hall and said, "What was that about?"</p><p>"What was what about?" He rubbed his neck as his ears were still red for getting mad.</p><p>"Talking to Ginny like that and you keep questioning everything about Harry! What is all that about?" She looked into his blue eyes and he looked at her brown ones before snapping his eyes down towards the ground.</p><p>"You don't believe him and that's okay, Ronald, but that's no reason to snap at your sister." </p><p>Ron's eyes filled with a mix of anger and sadness. He looked up at the ceiling before turning back down to look at Hermione. "No one ever believes me."</p><p>"Loads of people do," Hermione responded.</p><p>"Mione, if Harry goes around the school telling people that Malfoy is a Death Eater then they're bound to believe him because last time people didn't believe him Harry was right and You-Know-Who was back."</p><p>"Have some common sense, Ronald!"</p><p>Ron looked down at her short self. </p><p>"Do you really think that Harry would go around the school claiming that Draco is a Death Eater?" Hermione folded her arms across her chest.</p><p>"No."</p><p>"That's correct <em>because</em> when Harry is given information like this or comes up with a theory then the only people he tells are us and as long as you don't believe him you won't go around the school saying Malfoy is a Deat Eater."</p><p>"You're right," Ron said as he brushed his fingers through his ginger hair.</p><p>"Good. Now, let's go to the Great Hall."</p><p>They walked into the Great Hall and took a seat. Ron looked around for Harry but Hermione observed the other tables in the Great Hall.</p><p>She noticed quickly that there was an open seat next to Pansy Parkinson. Draco wasn't around. Was he just not attending the feast.</p><p>Harry quickly slipped in between Ginny and Hermione as he held a cloth on his nose. There was blood soaking the cloth and Hermione's eyes widened.</p><p>"What happened, Harry?" Hermione asked as Dumbledore started to talk.</p><p>"Nothing," he said quickly as he removed the cloth for a minute, and then the blood came out more.</p><p>"Hey did you know that Tonk's Patronus is a wolf now?" Harry said randomly.</p><p>"Harry, we don't look at people's Patronus's," Hermione replied as Harry looked over to Dumbledore where his hand was crippled and black. Hermione wanted to know why but she was too focused on that Draco Malfoy just took a seat at the Slytherin table.</p><p>She watched the blond-haired boy sit down and roll his eyes at Pansy who started to ask him questions. She inspected carefully and Draco seemed completely annoyed by this girl and it made her laugh a little bit.</p><p>He seemed off though. It wasn't his scoff at Pansy but it was the look in those grey eyes. Those grey eyes gave off either guilt or despair. Hermione was curious now but she refrained from going up to the Slytherin and asking why he looked so sad, that would be stupid on her part. </p><p>Through dinner, Harry was telling the group about his summer, well at least Neville. Neville told them what he did and how his Gran was incredibly proud of him for going to the Ministry and not even mad at him for putting himself in danger.</p><p>Hermione's thoughts wandered around as she wasn't paying attention but carefully observing Malfoy who was sitting there with no food on his plate. He would look at his friends and nod in agreement. Something was off.</p><p>Hermione's eyes suddenly met his and he looked deep into them. She felt a shiver as his glare was so hard on hers. She didn't show it but she felt like trembling as he kept looking at her. </p><p>He snapped his head down as Pansy started to say things to him. He didn't react and didn't make eye contact with Hermione through the rest of the feast.</p><p>***</p><p>Hermione walked down the dark corridor. She didn't care to look at the rooms. She knew there were students in those rooms but she didn't have the energy to look. Her mind was swarming with the possibility of Malfoy being a Death Eater. She knew it could be possible but she didn't want to come to terms with the idea of someone her age devoting himself to dark magic and joining the side she was trying so hard to fight.</p><p>A lot of students started to flood through the corridors and Hermione looked at them with an eyebrow raised.</p><p>"What happened?" She asked.</p><p>Cho Chang nodded and quickly said, "The room somehow kicked us out. The door got smaller and we all ran out."</p><p>Hermione looked at her in confusion before Cho's Ravenclaw friends came and she started to laugh with them as they left down the corridor towards their common room.</p><p>Hermione waited for all the students before walking up to the piece of wall where she knew the room of requirement was. She paced back and forth while she repeated words in her head to get her in.</p><p>The door appeared and she went in quickly.</p><p>She walked past the piles of books, chairs, desks, and random leftover junk. It was not clean at all.</p><p>Hermione spotted a bit of blond hair. She hid behind one of the piles and saw Draco Malfoy standing in front of a cabinet.</p>
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<a name="section0025"><h2>25. Grip</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>September 1996</b>
</p><p>Hermione quickly hid back behind a pile of junk as Draco started to look around the room. She needed to be sneaky enough for Draco to not see her because she had no clue what the boy would do and she didn't want to know.</p><p>"Fuck!" She heard him whisper.</p><p>She stuck her head out a little bit as she watched Draco look inside and around the cabinet. He was inspecting something and she had no clue what Draco would want with a random cabinet. </p><p>"You stupid fucking cabinet!" He kicked it. "Why do you have to be this broken!" He leaned his head back to look at the roof and he let out a sigh before taking off his robes. He rolled up his sleeves and loosened his tie around his neck.</p><p>She watched him as he got on his hands and knees and started to crawl under the cabinet.</p><p>He was under the cabinet when Hermione stood up to get a closer look at him. She walked slowly towards him until she tripped on something and Draco got out from under the cabinet.</p><p>"Holy shit! Don't fucking do that, Blaise," Draco said before he turned around to see Hermione.</p><p>She looked up at him and his grey eyes met her brown ones with a fierce glare full of hate. She shivered and dropped her eyes towards the ground and refused to look at him.</p><p>"What are you doing here, <em>mudblood?"</em> he said. She could feel the way that he spoke was no normally hard tone but there was something to it.</p><p>She mustered up enough courage and she looked the blond-haired boy in the eyes meeting his glare. She looked angry and Draco thought it was a little sad to see because to him she looked pathetic.</p><p>"I was doing what <em>normal</em> prefects do and I'm doing my job." She crossed her arms across her chest and Draco smirked a little bit.</p><p>"And why did you have to patrol this corridor? I thought the seventh-floor corridor was not being patroled tonight." </p><p>"There was no one patrolling it you are correct. It's because the seventh years were kicked out, do you have anything to say about that?" Hermione asked with a very serious face.</p><p>"I have nothing I need to say to you, <em>mudblood." </em></p><p>He turned his attention back to the cabinet and he stroked it lightly.</p><p>Hermione watched as she could see the smooth outline of his muscles as they curved around his shoulder blades. He didn't look like he wanted her around and he looked distressed. </p><p>"Why are you still here, <em>mudblood</em>?" Draco asked as he turned around again.</p><p>She really noticed his face this time and how his hair fell into his eyes and how his sharp jawline made his jaw clenching very attractive. He had dark circles under his eyes and she was lightly worried about his sleeping habits. Was he sleeping? No, he probably wasn't and that worried Hermione greatly for some reason. She didn't know what was going on with her but something about Draco seemed different this year. He was more matured and it scared her how much her heart raced as he looked at her.</p><p>"Well?!" He yelled as he stomped his foot down which made Hermione jump.</p><p>"Draco Malfoy, don't talk to me like that," Hermione said with so much confidence.</p><p>"I will talk to you however I fucking like, <em>mudblood</em>," Draco said through grit teeth.</p><p>Hermione drew her wand and Draco backed away and put his hands up in surrender. She pointed her wand at Draco till it reached his neck. She kept it there and Draco kept making eye contact with her. She looked at his neck to distract herself from his hard look on his cold grey eyes.</p><p>"You will <em>not </em>call me mudblood because if you do you will regret it," Hermione said coldly as she looked right at the boy and he stood there and didn't break eye contact with her.</p><p>"I-I'm s-sorry," he cowered. </p><p>Hermione felt some pleasure as the boy shook under her wand point. He looked so scared and worried that she would do something. She thought that maybe he was playing her and he wasn't actually scared and he just wanted her to point her wand somewhere else.</p><p>"Are you really?" she asked as the anger was still flooding her face.</p><p>"Yes, I am!" He said as he squeezed his eyes shut like he was waiting for Hermione to do it, to hurt him.</p><p>"I will take the wand away once you tell me what you're doing," she responded, puffing her chest a little bit feeling proud of making Draco cower.</p><p>"Why won't you fucking listen to me? I'm sorry!" he said louder as he looked angrily at her.</p><p>"I can't trust you, Draco! I don't know what you're up to and I <em>need </em>to know what you're up to."</p><p>"I'm up to nothing," he said with a straight face as the fear drained from his face. </p><p>"I don't believe you."</p><p>"Just fucking, believe me, Granger!" He said really loudly which caused Hermione to jump away from him a little bit.</p><p>"I can't," she said quietly.</p><p>He looked at her and he knew that she was thinking something different and she was.</p><p>She couldn't bring herself to actually believe Draco because it was something she was never taught to do. Because of his past, she knew she could never trust the boy and that hurt her a little bit because she knew that people could change but she never believed that Draco Malfoy could change. The bullying didn't help either as it shaped her childhood at Hogwarts knowing that she was nothing more than dirty blood.</p><p>He dropped his eyes to the ground and backed away from her wand and Hermione lowered her wand a little bit and looked back at the cabinet to try to remember why she was there. What was wrong with her? She wasn't as quick as she used to be. Last year she was amazing at the battle at the Ministry and now she couldn't even pay attention to one thing at a time. It bothered her so much, but why?</p><p>"Granger?" Draco said in a low tone that wasn't mad at all but simply sounded concerned for her.</p><p>She stared off into the distance thinking about how odd the situation was and she suddenly felt embarrassed. She snapped at him and he cowered away from her, what was that about?</p><p>He grabbed her face in his hands and inspected her face as she looked at the cabinet, she was trying to remember it so she could come back later and inspect it. </p><p>She noticed his cold hands on her face and she made eye contact and he looked at her with so much interest. His eyes were soft and her breath hitched. She could almost feel Draco's heartbeat speed up through his hands as they were placed on her face.</p><p>She reached her hand up and brushed the hair that covered parts of his eyes away so she could see both eyes clearly. She kept her hand in his hair and she walked closer to him and he didn't reject her. She saw his adam's apple bob up and down as he swallowed. She felt herself swallow and her throat was burning with need from the boy's mouth.</p><p>Draco moved his hand from her face to her throat and pulled her in quickly and placed his lips lightly against her own. She was taken aback but she put another hand in his hair and let his lips stay against hers. </p><p>She melted at his touch as his hand moved from her neck down her side and stayed on her waist. She felt so good with her lips upon his and she could taste the peppermint in his lips. </p><p>He gripped her waist tighter and pulled her closer. </p><p>She quickly pulled away after he gripped her hips the way he did.</p><p>She was out of breath and she looked at Draco who was shaking his head back and forth again and again. She could tell that he was shocked that they just kissed and Hermione was too. She figured that whatever he was doing was stressing him out and he just found himself in a situation where he just needed some human touch. That would make sense, right?</p><p>"I'm sorry," Draco said as he looked past Hermione. He looked annoyed with himself as his sharp jaw clenched and his fists tightened. </p><p>Hermione quickly looked at the guilty-looking boy and quickly ran out of the room. She heard him calling after her and she didn't care as she ran down the corridors as fast as she could back to the Gryffindor common room</p><p>***</p><p>"Mione, are you okay?" Ron asked as Hermione panted once she got up to the common room.</p><p>Ron and Harry were sitting on a couch by what looked like they were waiting for her. </p><p>Hermione didn't respond and she just sat down right between the two boys and put her face in her hands. </p><p>She couldn't believe herself, she kissed Draco. She didn't know what to think of it because she enjoyed it. She enjoyed the taste of peppermint upon her lips and the way that his lips shaped hers. The way he gripped her waist was weird. She didn't like it. She loved it. When he gripped her waist tighter she wanted to throw him down and do things that she and Krum did. Yes, Viktor and Hermione had sex. </p><p>"Hermione?" Harry said as he shook Hermione and she just looked into the fireplace where the fire was still brightly lit. </p><p>"What do you reckon happened?" Ron whispered as if Hermione couldn't hear him.</p><p>She turned her head sharply and stood up. She brushed a hand through her hair and didn't say a word to the boys as she left up to the stairs.</p><p>She got to the corridor with all the doors to each dormitory and quickly found the fifth year girls. She opened the door and looked around at the room of girls who clearly were gossiping away and catching up with each other.</p><p>Her eyes found Ginny and Ginny quickly got up and followed Hermione into the corridor. Ginny closed the door behind her, looked at Hermione, and raised her eyebrow.</p><p>"I did something horrible," Hermione said quickly.</p><p>Ginny grabbed Hermione's arm and dragged her to the window at the end of the corridor so they were near the first year's dormitories and they would be fast asleep.</p><p>"What did you do, Hermione?" Ginny said as her brown eyes searched Hermione's for answers.</p><p>"Something horrible."</p><p>"You already said that. Just spit it out!"</p><p>Hermione looked out the window in shame.</p><p>"If you don't fucking tell me I am going to Avada Kedavra your arse, Miss Granger," Ginny said while crossing her arms.</p><p>"I-I saw Draco in the room of requirement," Hermione said in a daze.</p><p>"And?"</p><p>"I did something horrible."</p><p>"And what is that? Poison him? Kill him? Fucked him? Please don't tell me that it's the last one cause if it is, I will fucking murder you, Hermione Granger."</p><p>"I-I, well, he kissed me."</p><p>Hermione could basically feel Ginny turned red with anger and Hermione grabbed her jumper before Ginny could run down the stairs. She pulled Ginny back and she looked so mad like she was ready to Avada Kedavra his arse.</p><p>"What?!" Ginny demanded. She pulled her arm free of Hermione's grasp and looked at the girl once again. "He assaulted you!"</p><p>"No, he didn't."</p><p>"Yes, he-"</p><p>"Shut the fuck up, Ginny, he didn't."</p><p>Hermione put her face in her hands and she shook her head back and forth. She could feel the tears flood her vision and soon enough she was weeping and Ginny surrounded her with a hug.</p><p>"You kissed him back didn't you?" Ginny said into Hermione's hair.</p><p>Hermione nodded her head yes as she gripped Ginny's jumper tighter and Ginny stroked her hair. </p><p>"Do you like him?" Ginny asked.</p><p>Hermione pulled out of Ginny's arms and looked at her. Ginny's face was no longer red and it was sweeter. She understood what Hermione was going through as many boys did throw themselves at her, she was beautiful.</p><p>"No, of course not, he's a vile and cruel boy," Hermione said loudly.</p><p>"It's okay. It was probably in the heat of the moment. Can you tell me what happened?"</p><p>Hermione sat Ginny down and told her what had happened and she left out the parts that she remembered so strongly of Draco's lips on hers. Ginny listened intently and didn't interrupt. She wasn't rude when Hermione's eyes started to fill with tears as she thought of Draco holding onto her face. Ginny was pure and kind and she never tried to stop her from expressing herself, Ginny actually encouraged Hermione to be herself and she had been telling Hermione about it since her second year where Hermione was more open to being herself. She was better because of Ginny.</p><p>"Please don't tell anyone," Hermione said as she wiped the tears away from her cheeks that seemed permanently stained with tears.</p><p>"I swear, Hermione, I will not tell a soul," Ginny said with a kind smile on her face. "Are you going to talk to Draco?"</p><p>Hermione looked up at Ginny and looked down at her hands. "No. Nothing happened, I'm forgetting it. We never kissed."</p><p>Hermione stood up and Ginny pulled her into one more hug.</p><p>"I won't tell anyone," Ginny reassured her one more time.</p><p>"Tell the boys I've gone to sleep will you?" Hermione asked and Ginny nodded quickly as Hermione walked down the corridor towards her room where she quickly grabbed her clothes and changed out of her robes.</p><p>She collapsed on her bed and let her sleep consume her.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0026"><h2>26. Scourgify</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>September 1996</b>
</p><p>A week. </p><p>That's how long Hermione spent around Ron and Harry chatting about new courses and begging Hermione for help on homework. She schedule study times when she would take the boys to the library and help them understand which would lead to them going to their own world and talking about deep things.</p><p>A week.</p><p>That's how long Hermione spent with Ginny at the nighttime. Ginny would constantly talk to her about boys and different things because Hermione didn't trust herself not to think of Draco the way she was half the time. She told Hermione that he was probably drunk and had no clue what was going on. The war in her mind raged on with and without Ginny's pep talks.</p><p>A week.</p><p>That's how long Hermione spent without seeing Draco once. He was always out of the Great Hall by the time she got there or even if she got there right at seven he wouldn't come. He didn't go to classes. He ignored people and she tried to listen in on the Slytherin's conversations but then slurs would be thrown and she knew it was her time to leave.</p><p>A week.</p><p>That's how long Hermione spent fretting over her brain telling her to search for Draco. There was this supernatural force pulling her towards the blond boy. She hated it. She cursed herself for ever hoping that the boy would walk into class and go to the empty chair she always seemed to look at. She tried to pay attention to teachers and she couldn't, her eyes always betrayed her and looked there. A pit in her stomach grew every time it was empty or someone else had occupied it.</p><p>Hermione's week wasn't overall great but she had already completed three essays and two potions for classes, also working on her ancient runes and translating two scrolls. She stayed caught up and ahead in class but it was always a little less each day she didn't see him.</p><p>Her brown eyes always went blank when she looked at the chair and she didn't seem him. </p><p><em>How could someone just ignore me after kissing me? </em>Hermione thought. These thoughts swirled through her head like flames. They were never extinguished and they kept getting brighter and brighter. Every time she had a thought debating the meanings of his kiss she would feel like she was going to freak out and she needed to keep a straight face for Ron and Harry, they couldn't know what she was thinking.</p><p>She still couldn't understand why the boy was so cold to her. Was he ashamed? She thought that could be very well possible because he was a pureblood and he never affiliated with muggleborns like her. What was the point of kissing her then? Was it just because he needed some comfort in someone and she was the closest person he could reach? </p><p>"Hermione?" Ginny asked and snapped Hermione out of her daze. Her flaming red hair was tied up in a ponytail and she was eating some toast. "Are you okay?" she asked.</p><p>"Of course," Hermione said as she started to read the daily prophet. She always skimmed over it to see the new activity of Voldemort taking over the world. Currently, there was a new Minister for Magic and he was terrible, no better than Fudge.</p><p>"What's new in the world?" Harry asked as he put his bag down and started to pour some pumpkin juice into his cup. He looked a little disheveled and Hermione knew it was because Harry had been in a rough spot ever since Sirius' death.</p><p>"Not much. Scrimgeour talked about how safe muggleborns really are," Hermione answered as she put the paper down and put some food on her plate.</p><p>"How safe does he think they are?" Ron asked as he put a pile of sausages on his plate. </p><p>Hermione grimaced at the amount of food on his plate but pushed it off.</p><p>"Well, he says that muggleborns are as safe as purebloods. He isn't telling them to go into hiding and only to do so if the Ministry warns them."</p><p>"That doesn't make much sense," Neville chimed.</p><p>"It's rubbish. Muggleborns should be hiding right now because Voldemort is after them. It's their safest bet and if their children are at Hogwarts then they're safe."</p><p>"We don't know that," Harry said as he fixed his glasses and gave a strong look towards Hermione.</p><p>"Harry, as long as Dumbledore is here Voldemort won't touch any student," Hermione reassured.</p><p>"What if he doesn't directly do it? What if he uses fucking Malfoy or Crabbe?" he said in a more harsh tone.</p><p>Hermione stood up abruptly at the mention of Draco's name and there was a loud clatter as her pumpkin juice spilled all over her robes. </p><p>She looked at the sticky mess and grabbed her bag. </p><p>"I'm going to clean up. And, Harry, Draco is <em>not </em>a Death Eater," Hermione hissed the last part.</p><p>Harry didn't bother arguing as Hermione made her way out of the Great Hall with pumpkin juice on her jumper. She found the closest prefect's bathroom and went in. She grabbed a towel and started to rub the pumpkin juice and realized it was staining it.</p><p>She threw the towel on the ground out of anger and went to her bag and pulled out her wand. She was drawing a blank on the spell to clean up her shirt and she started to tap her foot on the ground. </p><p>She pulled out her charms textbook and started to search the pages for anything that would help her till she remembered that her N.E.W.T. level textbook probably didn't have it in there. She was baffled and she was surprised she couldn't remember the spell that she thought she knew.</p><p>She collapsed on the ground and put her head in her hands and just sat there. She wasn't crying but trying to remember the spell. She was supposed to be the brightest witch of her age and she couldn't remember a basic spell for cleaning, it was stupid. </p><p>She heard the door open and Hermione looked around the corner and saw Malfoy come in. He had his bag on his arm and was walking towards Hermione. She gave no effort to stand up or even fix herself, she didn't care if she was a mess, he could deal with it.</p><p>Draco came around the corner and saw Hermione there and jumped. "Jesus fucking Granger. Don't do that," Draco said as he placed his bag down and looked in the mirror to fix his hair.</p><p>Hermione stood up and fixed her skirt quickly. Her heart was pounding and she wanted it to stop, why couldn't it stop? Why wouldn't it stop? </p><p>"Sorry," she said. </p><p>She grabbed her bag and slung it over her shoulder as she walked to the corridor leading out of the bathroom. </p><p>She felt a hand around her wrist and she turned back to see Draco there with an eyebrow raised looking at the disheveled Hermione.</p><p>"Don't let me interrupt what you were doing, <em>mudblood</em>" Draco said. He pulled his hand away from her wrist and went back to where he was standing before.</p><p>Hermione went back without even being told and she quickly dropped her bag and pulled out her wand again, racking her brain for a spell that she could use. She felt slightly embarrassed because she was now looking In the mirror like an idiot trying to remember the spell to clean things.</p><p>"What are you doing?" Draco asked coldly. </p><p>Hermione snapped her head towards him and looked at the ground quickly. She didn't like the tone he used but it was normal for Draco to act cold.</p><p>"I spilled some pumpkin juice on my jumper at breakfast and I'm trying to remember the spell to clean it," she responded. She played with the sleeve of her jumper and then stopped when she realized what she was doing.</p><p>"I thought you the brightest fucking witch of our age," he said in a gruesome tone. He walked closer to Hermione and she quickly looked back into the mirror where she wouldn't see him at all.</p><p>She focused on the girl in the mirror. The bushy brown curls, the brown eyes, the little scar on her cheek from first year. She closed her eyes to try to remember the spell.</p><p>She felt the hairs on her neck raise and felt a breath upon her neck that made her shiver. She didn't know what to do. She kept her eyes closed and tried to remember the spell. The spell was all the needed.</p><p>She could feel his lips lightly grazing her neck and she kept her focus. She was just under pressure and she needed to learn to work around that, she was never good under pressure. </p><p>The lips made contact with her skin and she could almost feel her knees weaken. </p><p>Light soft kisses were placed on her neck and she squeezed her eyes shut even harder. She knew that if she saw the grey-eyed boy that her heart would only pound harder. She was squeezing her eyes tight enough that she could see stars. It was uncomfortable. </p><p>"Remember the spell?" he asked against her ear. His lips brushed her earlobe and she only focused harder on his voice and lips on her.</p><p>She shook her head and she could sense a smirk on his lips. </p><p>Arms wrapped around her waist and he kept leaving kisses on her neck and nibbled at her ear. She got butterflies every time he touched her or his lips played gracefully on her neck. Everything about this seemed so wrong, so forbidden. </p><p>"Do you like this?" he said against her neck. The vibrations of his voice were dancing on her neck and sending shivers down her spine.</p><p>"No," she said in a mere whisper.</p><p>She lied, she liked it. She liked the feeling of his lips trailing up and down her neck in a smooth fashion. It distracted her. She was pulled away from whatever she was doing with his lips meeting her neck.</p><p>"Remember it," Draco said. "I will stop once you remember it, <em>Hermione," </em>he said in a tone that made her heart pound even harder than it was before.</p><p>She decided that she was going to remember the spell so she concentrated hard on the spell and ignored his little kisses on her neck. Everything was blurred but she was thinking of the spell. She needed one and she knew it was easy.</p><p>She racked her brain for anything she could find. She needed to know what the wand movement was so she moved her hand in the way the cleaning spell work as the letters scattered into her head completely in a mix and a mess.</p><p>She opened her eyes and saw Draco's grey eyes watching her in the mirror. The way the misty grey looked completely upset pushed her. He didn't want to be there, then why was he?</p><p>She pointed her wand at her pumpkin juice stain and said, "<em>Scourgify.</em>"</p><p>The orange stain on her shirt slowly mended and turned back into her white shirt. </p><p>As soon as the stain was gone Draco dropped his arms and walked away with one last look at Hermione before he grabbed his arms and left the bathroom.</p><p>She pulled her bag over her shoulder and looked in the mirror. She had some bruises on her neck from his lips and she sighed. She pulled her wand out and slowly disguised them and they melted away into her skin.</p><p>She walked out of the bathroom with a completely straight face and mind running at the speed of light. </p><p>She didn't know what happened or understood. She did and didn't like Malfoy kissing her like that but it encouraged her to remember the spell. It might not even have been him telling her that he would remove his lips once she remembered but the way his voice portrayed encouragement. He encouraged her to remember and find that one spell without even sounding a bit excited about living.</p><p>She was surely confused.</p><p>She went to her first class which was potions and slipped into the seat next to Parvati. Parvati turned her dark eyes to Hermione and her glance quickly flickered away. </p><p>Hermione didn't care much and focused on Professor Slughorn. He was in a chipper mood and he was smiling as he had a bunch of potions in front of him and one of them she could smell very well. </p><p>Hermione stiffened and she knew that potion. She had learned about it in her third year and surprisingly Professor Snape had been willing enough to let her take a look at the potion. This time it smelt different. She knew it was probably because she had gotten much older and more mature but the smell seemed so much better than it was three years ago. She was baffled.</p><p>"Today we're learning about Amortentia. Now, can anyone tell me what Amortentia is?" Slughorn asked with a smile.</p><p>He looked around the room and Hermione shot her hand right up into the air and Slughorn nodded for her to speak.</p><p>"Amortentia is a love potion and it smells like what attracts. It is the strongest love potion and even a drop can make a person fall in love with the person who gives it to them," Hermione answered.</p><p>The girls were all watching Hermione with an intensity that she knew was because they were curious about a love potion and the most powerful one for that matter.</p><p>"Good job, Miss Granger. Five points to Gryffindor and you can get another five if you could tell us what you smell."</p><p>Hermione looked around the room and her eyes landed on the empty chair that had never been filled or even noticed to be empty. She could feel her heart hammering but she took a big breath and let the smell fill her lungs. </p><p>It was beautiful. It smelt like heaven. She didn't know if she would ever be able to get the smell out of her nose. It intoxicated her. She was intoxicated.</p><p>"I smell roses, peppermint, green apples, and rich cologne," she said.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0027"><h2>27. Felix Felicis</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>September 1996</b>
</p><p>"Wonderful, Miss Granger! Another five points," Slughorn said as he turned to the class and started to lecture everyone else.</p><p>Hermione didn't pay attention because she knew things about Amortentia and didn't want to brew it. Of course, they wouldn't be brewing it but just in case Hermione didn't want to touch it with a ten-foot pole.</p><p>Hermione scribbled things on her parchment, random facts, and little notes for other classes. The girls in the classroom were listening intently while Hermione was just sitting there writing away. She didn't pay attention to Parvati muttering things about the potion under her breath, she knew the reason they all wanted to learn about it.</p><p>By the time class ended the girls in the class had rolls of parchment all filled up with instructions, they were so eager for love. Hermione knew that some of them had snuck love potion into their boyfriends from Weasley's Wizarding Wheezes but she didn't pay attention to the unnatural amount of attention the boys gave the girls.</p><p>She reached the corridor and Draco was standing there with his books clutched in his hands and he looked up at Hermione and grimaced. He moved his eyes back to the ground and waited for Blaise to come out so he could leave with Blaise.</p><p>"Give me a second," Hermione said to Harry and Ron and they quickly nodded before leaving, talking about their studies and different products Fred and George had made.</p><p>Hermione snuck around the corner and waited. Blaise left the classroom and so did everyone else, even Slughorn, it was lunch so that made sense. </p><p>Her brown eyes watched as the boy looked around before opening the door and going into the classroom and quickly closing the door behind him. She couldn't ignore the look in his grey eyes, the look of fear. He looked very aware of who and what was around him and whatever the matter she would have to find out, she felt a need to find out.</p><p>She walked around the corner and drew her wand just in case. She approached the door and didn't know if she should knock or what.</p><p>She pointed her wand at the door handle and said, "<em>Alohomora.</em>" The door clicked and she opened it a little crack to look into the classroom. </p><p>She saw Draco standing there looking at one of his open books and adding different ingredients into the potion. He looked like he was concentrating very hard and she watched as he stirred the potion and it bubbled. </p><p>She knew it was probably a quick potion or else Draco would try to make it somewhere else. She couldn't figure out what potion he was making and she tried to remember to stay calm. She wasn't great with being stealthy so she just held her breath and hoped that Draco would look at the slightly open door.</p><p>And that's when her book bag broke and all of her things fell onto the floor. </p><p>Draco snapped his grey eyes to the door and Hermione dropped to the ground to start to pick up her books.</p><p>She cursed herself as she thought about what had just happened, the worst timing ever. She hoped that he didn't hear her but he definitely did because around five books fell from her bag. She was mad at her having a lot of classes now.</p><p>The door opened more as she repaired her bag and she looked up and saw an angry Draco whose wand was clutched in his left hand. </p><p>He saw her looking at him and he loosened his grip on his wand and grabbed Hermione's robes and pulled her into the classroom. He closed the door behind him and left the books on the floor.</p><p>Draco locked the door and turned back to Hermione with a softened expression. She was confused by his look but it didn't seem fake at all.</p><p>Draco came closer to her and held her face in his hands and he searched her eyes for a second before he leaned in and their lips almost met. </p><p>Hermione moved bag and hit the table and Draco backed away with a confused expression. He rolled his eyes and grabbed her back, muttering a spell to repair the part she didn't get.</p><p>"S-sorry, Draco," Hermione stuttered.</p><p>She didn't know that when she came into the potions classroom that right away she would be kissing Draco. It wasn't something that occurred to her and she didn't know if she liked it. She did like it when he smothered her with kisses somewhat that morning but she didn't know if she liked the fact that Draco just thought that every time she followed him that she wanted him and he willingly let it happen.</p><p>"It's fine," he muttered.</p><p>He started to put Hermione's books into her bag. He brushed the blond hair that fell in his eyes out of them. He handed her back her bag and she took it but didn't move.</p><p>Draco put his hands in his pockets and strolled back to his potion, completely ignoring Hermione there. He walked with purpose and ignorance and she could see it. His steps never faltered and he never slowed down. His longs legs always carried him where he needed to go.</p><p>"Why are you here, Granger?" Draco asked as he went back to stirring his potion and flipping through his potions book that sat by the cauldron. </p><p>"I saw you outside the classroom and I was confused I guess," Hermione answered. </p><p>She placed her bag on the ground and started to walk slowly towards Draco who was still not looking at her but squinting to look at some little notes in the potions book. </p><p>"Fuck!" Draco said loudly. He stopped stirring and used his wand to get the potion out of the cauldron.</p><p>"What is it?" Hermione asked.</p><p>She dropped her bag and went over to his cauldron. </p><p>He quickly closed the potions book so Hermione couldn't see and she was annoyed. She wanted to be able to help him if he was having trouble with brewing a potion. She was never the best at potions but she was always near the top of the class with Snape. She knew she could help, she probably knew at least the basics of brewing the potion he wanted.</p><p>"I was doing this fucking potion wrong," Draco said in anger. "Stupid fucking book and the footnotes." He picked up the book and was about to throw it when Hermione grabbed his arm and slowly lowered it down.</p><p>Draco looked at her in confusion and she removed the book from his hands. </p><p>He kept his eyes on her and watched as she easily removed the book from his grip and opened it. </p><p>"What potion were you making?" Hermione asked. </p><p>Draco froze and looked at Hermione and she knew that it probably wasn't a good potion. </p><p>"Draco?"</p><p>He shook his head and ran his hands through his hair and with a huff he said, "Felix Felicis."</p><p>"Liquid luck?"</p><p>"What other fucking name does it have," Draco retorted.</p><p>Hermione ignored his comment and opened the book. The book was older and definitely more advanced. She knew a lot about liquid luck but she didn't really know how to brew it. She looked quickly at the name on the first page and it said <em>Malfoy, </em>she assumed it was from the library in his manor.</p><p>She found the page and looked up at him. He quickly looked away and started to walk away to look at the weird potion ingredients on the shelf.</p><p>"Why are you brewing this?" Hermione asked.</p><p>She didn't walk towards the boy but she stood there and just watched him look over the ingredients. </p><p>"I have my reasons," Draco murmured.</p><p>"Should you be brewing this in the classroom?" Hermione held the book in her hands and looked at how to make it.</p><p>"Where else do I fucking brew it?" </p><p>"Maybe in the room of requirement? If Professor Slughorn found out you were brewing this then you'd be in some deep shit."</p><p>"I suppose."</p><p>"We can take the ingredients from here and then we'll meet up in the room of requirement tonight at ten. Does that sound good?"</p><p>Draco looked at the girl and quickly nodded.</p><p>Hermione moved past Draco and started to gather a couple of ingredients. She knew she could find an excuse as to why some of Slughorn's potion stock was gone. She was good at sucking up to teachers and pleasing them with her schoolwork. </p><p>Hermione finished grabbing all of the ingredients for the potion and she put them in her bag. Draco put some in his bag too.</p><p>They stood there awkwardly for a second and Hermione found Draco looking at her. She gulped and saw his eyes flicker to her lips. Her breath hitched as he kept looking from her eyes to the room, and then to her lips.</p><p>He made a weird face, almost a grimace, and came closer to Hermione. He dropped his bag on the ground and Hermione felt her heartbeat speed up as the blond was only a foot away from her.</p><p>She found her bag being slipped off of her should by Draco moving the bag lightly off of her arm. She didn't move her eyes from his face and then the bag hit the ground with a bang and Hermione barely heard it.</p><p>He approached even closer till their faces were mere inches away. She could smell his peppermint like breath fanning on her face. </p><p>He moved his hand and placed two fingers under her chin and leaned her face up to where he leaned in and placed a kiss on her lips. </p><p>She kissed him back and slowly their lips moved together. It wasn't intense at all but soft and sweet. </p><p>Draco moved his hand to cup her face and Hermione placed her hands on his chest. His cold thumb stroked her face as he pulled her closer to him. </p><p>Hermione felt warmth as she moved her hands from his chest to his neck where she tangled his fingers into his hair. He moved his hands from her face to the small of her back and held her tighter as their kisses got a little hungrier.</p><p>Hermione didn't know if she should feel bad or not but she embraced the boy and he held her tighter and she got warm butterflies.</p><p>He kissed her jaw and then his mouth made his way to her neck and he started to kiss her neck while she stood there with heavy breathing.</p><p>Draco didn't stop and kept kissing her. </p><p>Soon their mouths met again and they kissed each other passionately. </p><p>It felt so wrong. It felt wrong to be kissing Draco Malfoy, the boy who bullied her but it felt so right. He felt so warm against her skin. He smelt like roses and rich cologne. His breath laced with peppermint like he ate them all the time. She was confused by her thoughts and knew she shouldn't be feeling like this with this boy but she did. She wanted to help him. He was for sure a cruel boy and he never really learned but this year he seemed different. Something happened to change his mind about everything and here he was kissing a muggleborn, something no one would ever think Draco Malfoy would do.</p><p>His hands moved down to her waist and he didn't try to squeeze her hips and he just laid his hands there and didn't move them. He let her pull him close and the excitement flowed through his lips as he kept moving his lips against hers. </p><p>She quickly pulled her lips off of his and placed her forehead against his. He moved his lips to her forehead and gave her a kiss. She felt her heart pound harder at the connection between his lips and her forehead. </p><p>"Room of requirement at ten," Draco said. "Don't be late, Granger," he murmured before he lifted Hermione's chin up and gave her a quick peck on the lips.</p><p>He grabbed his bag and put it over his shoulder before he left the room in a swift movement with a straight face.</p><p>Hermione stood there for a second before she grabbed her bag and made her way out of the room. She closed the door behind her and made her way up to the Great Hall.</p><p>***</p><p>"Where have you been?" Ron asked as he started to put more food on his plate. </p><p>"Nowhere," Hermione answered.</p><p>Hermione sat down next to Harry who was inspecting his new potions book that was owned by the Half-Blood Prince. Harry saw Hermione looking and quickly closed the book and put it in his bag.</p><p>"You need to give it back," she said.</p><p>Harry rolled his eyes and then a smile broke out on his face.</p><p>"You have a little something on your neck, Mione," Harry said as he pointed to his neck to show her where.</p><p>Ron peered around to see Hermione's neck and he started to laugh. "Looks like Hermione has been getting some," Ron said.</p><p>Hermione grabbed her wand and spoke a spell and suddenly her bruises on her neck cleared up. </p><p>"Stop," Hermione said.</p><p>Ron and Harry kept laughing and Hermione just stared forward. </p><p>Her eyes met the eyes of Draco Malfoy and he quickly looked down at his plate. She saw Pansy grab his hand and play with the rings on his hand and he quickly pulled his hand away and looked back over at Hermione. Pansy whispered something in his ear and he quickly grabbed his bag and left the Great Hall.</p><p>Hermione wanted to go and see what was wrong but she realized that she was only in contact with Draco because he happened to just kiss her a few times and she was helping him brew liquid luck. It wasn't such a big deal and she knew she shouldn't be talking to him about private things because that's when Draco would get mad.</p><p>Harry watched where Hermione's eyes went and he nudged her with his elbow. "Is it a Slytherin?" he asked.</p><p>Ron looked behind him to the Slytherin table but no one was looking at the group of Gryffindor's. </p><p>"It better not be," Ron said. </p><p>"I'm not going to tell you," she answered. </p><p>"Come on, Mione."</p><p>"I'll see you guys in Charms."</p><p>Hermione picked up her bag and made her way out of the Great Hall and away from her friends.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0028"><h2>28. Courtyard</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>September 1996</b>
</p><p>"Miss Granger? Miss Granger?" </p><p>A hand waved in front of Hermione's face and she snapped out of it and looked to see Professor McGonagall looking very stern. She had her arms crossed and a mad expression. </p><p>"Yes, Professor?" Hermione asked. She didn't want to seem obvious that she was distracted but she couldn't help it, she was so distracted. Through all her classes in the afternoon, she was so out of it, thinking about how to help Draco. She was trying to think of a way to sneak out of the common room and back in without making a noise. She was also thinking about the time she was going to spend with Draco and that made her a little happy. She knew she shouldn't be looking forward to seeing the Slytherin but feeling his lips on hers was something that excited her. </p><p>"I see you have not turned your bird into a key," Professor McGonagall pointed her hat down and looked at Hermione.</p><p>"Sorry, Professor, I'll do that right now." With a simple flick of her wand, the bird turned into an old rusty key. She used non-verbal magic thanks to Professor Snape for teaching her. She impressed Professor McGonagall and she made her way back to another student to press on the fact that their key still had some feathers.</p><p>"What's up with you, Mione?" Harry whispered. </p><p>Hermione almost forgot Harry was there and she suddenly put all her attention on the boy next to her who had an eyebrow raised and his jet black hair an absolute mess.</p><p>"Nothing," she answered. "You need to give that book back though." She knew that talking about his potions book who belonged to the 'Half-Blood Prince' would keep her mind off of Draco and the potion making as a whole.</p><p>"Hermione, I don't have to. This is finally going to help me pass potions so I can get my N.E.W.T. I need this, I <em>need</em> it to become an Auror."</p><p>"It's still wrong, Harry. You shouldn't be keeping a book that helps you cheat, it's wrong."</p><p>"It's not cheating technically, it <em>is </em>a textbook and an old one for that matter so I should be able to use it."</p><p>"I'll write to Mrs. Weasley to get you a new one, I'm sure she'll get you one."</p><p>"You don't understand, Hermione, I-"</p><p>"Mr. Potter, please refrain from talking," Professor McGonagall said from behind them. </p><p>Harry quickly went back to transfiguring his bird and Hermione sat there looking around the classroom. She heard Harry muttering things constantly and Hermione rolled her eyes at his failed attempts at performing magic.</p><p>"Mr. Malfoy?" Professor McGonagall said with a confused expression and everyone looked back to see the blond boy coming into the classroom and sitting in a chair near the back of the class. People started whispering and wondering why he hadn't been there in class the last week. Hermione thought they were weird for even speculating what he was doing because she bet that they weren't even close. Hermione didn't know and she didn't intend on asking.</p><p>"Sorry, Professor," Draco said as he grabbed his textbook and started to flip through the pages as Blaise whispered things into his ear. Draco got up and went to the front of the class where he grabbed a bird and turned around only to make eye contact with Hermione. She quickly looked down and started to transfigure her key back into a bird as he made his way to the back of the class. </p><p>Hermione kept her eyes at the front of the classroom as she waited for the bell to ring and she'd finally be done school for the day. She was exhausted and she just needed a little alone time with Harry and Ron to bring up her spirits. </p><p>The bell finally rang and everyone grabbed their books and left. Professor McGonagall had given them 12 inches about the spell they performed and why it worked for a bird to turn into a key. Everyone grumbled but Hermione was happy for a distraction.</p><p>"What was with you in class?" Harry asked. </p><p>Ron and Harry joined Hermione at both sides and people kept pushing past them or whispering about Harry being the 'Chosen One'. Hermione found it extremely stupid and wanted nothing to do with it.</p><p>"Just a little nervous," Hermione answered with a light smile.</p><p>"Hermione Granger? Nervous?" Ron said with a laugh.</p><p>"Shut up, Ronald, even I get nervous sometimes."</p><p>"Rarely," Harry said with a smirk.</p><p>"I'm normally nervous around exams and when I'm in danger."</p><p>"Then why are you nervous now?" Ron's red hair was darker as they walked into the courtyard to sit by a tree to study. She admired the redhead but he always annoyed her.</p><p>She knew she couldn't tell them because she was brewing a very complicated potion for Draco Malfoy for some reason she didn't know. They would laugh and say she wasn't telling the truth but she wouldn't believe herself either.</p><p>"Because of Quidditch tryouts," Hermione answered quickly. </p><p>Ron and Harry both looked at each other and started to laugh. Hermione rolled her eyes and sat at the base of the tree, pulling out her potions book to take notes.</p><p>Ron and Harry bother joined her and instead of studying, they played a game of exploding snap. They tried some of George and Fred's new products and kids were gathering around to watch the Chosen One and his best friend playing games. Students were whispering and girls were giggling while Hermione sat there awkwardly and tried to pay attention to her book.</p><p>"Hi, Harry," said Romilda Vain a fourth-year Gryffindor who had been totally obsessed with Harry since he came back to school.</p><p>"Hi," Harry said while he took his turn flipping over a card. Harry whacked the pile with his wand before Ron could and a loud snap came and Harry started laughing while Ron gave him more of a death stare.</p><p>Hermione laughed at Ron's reaction as Ron immediately claimed that Harry was using some spell to let him win. People started booing Ron and he came back to sit next to Hermione. </p><p>Hermione moved over a little bit but Ron threw his arm over her shoulder and looked at her with a smile. Hermione returned the smile and then went back to her potions book.</p><p>"What are you reading about?" Ron said as he snatched the book out of her hands and started to read it.</p><p>"Ronald! Give me it back right now!" Hermione said. </p><p>Ron quickly stood up and held the book over his head out of her reach. She cursed his tall height and wished she was taller. She started to jump and try to get it while Ron held it higher and laughed at her. </p><p>"Ronald Bilius Weasley, give me back my book!" Hermione stomped her foot and went over to her bag and grabbed her wand out. She said, "Accio book." And the book flew out of Ron's hands and into her own. </p><p>She huffed and grabbed her bag and swung it over her shoulder and left in anger at Ron. She knew Ron was just trying to have fun but she didn't need Harry and Ron to find out that she was going to brew Felix Felicis. She would have to make up an excuse and she really didn't have the time to do so.</p><p>Ron went back to Harry and sat down while Harry was looking in confusion at Hermione stomping away.</p><p>"That's one way to get a girl," Harry said with a slight chuckle.</p><p>"Piss off, Harry," Ron said as he rubbed his temple.</p><p>Harry laughed again and looked around the courtyard and watched as people were whispering about him. He turned his attention back to Ron who looked to be annoyed at himself for failing to flirt with Hermione.</p><p>"You know, Ron, next time just do something other than taking her book." Harry looked back at his notes for Transfiguration and flipped through them.</p><p>"What do I do next time then?"</p><p>"Try maybe, hm." He seemed to be drawing a blank because he was never really good with girls and he normally just ignored them.</p><p>"Shit, I shouldn't have taken her fucking book," Ron said. He banged his head lightly against the tree admitting how dumb he was. "No one ever takes a book from Hermione, if you do, you're fucking dead."</p><p>"That's true, mate, but why do you like Mione so much?"</p><p>Ron ran a hand through his red hair and gave a struggled laugh. "I've always kind of liked her I think. I don't, Harry, it's a lot of random stuff that you wouldn't want to hear about."</p><p>"A little girl talk would be good," Harry laughed.</p><p>"What do you mean?" </p><p>"Spill your feelings, I'm listening."</p><p>Ron rolled his eyes at Harry's idea but turned to face him. "She was the first girl who didn't even think of any of my siblings before me. She never compared me to my brothers and told me to be as good as them. She's always known how to push both of us. . . Harry, can I stop now? I don't want to get all mushy."</p><p>"That was mushy enough, Ron."</p><p>Ron and Harry both sat there laughing for a little while. They both decided that Hermione needed some time to herself and they were going to give it to her. Ron knew that he went too far by taking her book and knew that she probably wouldn't talk to him for a couple of days, he could last that long.</p><p>"Some little bird told me that Weasley has a little crush on Granger. What a pathetic little thing, Weasley. Granger? Of all people, Granger?" Draco had come into the courtyard after talking to Pansy and scowling.</p><p>Harry and Ron both looked at each other and rolled their eyes.</p><p>"Fuck off, Malfoy," Harry said. He stood and started to grab his things.</p><p>"For your information, <em>Potter</em>, I will do whatever I want, and fucking off isn't one of those things." A smile had spread on Draco's face and he looked from Ron to Harry and his eyes tended to stay on Ron, sizing him up.</p><p>"Just leave us alone, Malfoy," Ron said with a dull look in his eyes.</p><p>"Don't you have some first years to taunt?" Harry said.</p><p>Harry and Ron made their way out of the courtyard with Malfoy rolling his eyes and strolling away.</p><p>"Merlin, I hate Malfoy," Ron said.</p><p>"I do too. What if Hermione's secret lover was Malfoy?"</p><p>They both stopped and looked at each other with wide eyes before they started to laugh again. A few people glared at their careless laughter but Ron and Harry didn't care.</p><p>"Hermione and Malfoy," Ron said between laughs. </p><p>"Can you imagine?"</p><p>"No."</p><p>They kept laughing as they made their way up to their common room. When they got up to the common room they were red in the face and out of breath.</p><p>"Hi, Harry, Ron," Ginny said as she held onto Dean Thomas's hand and walked out of the common room. Harry felt his face get warmer as they went to take a seat next to Hermione on the couch. </p><p>Hermione was scribbling things down for the evening. She enjoyed her hour of silence without the boys constantly bugging her. She enjoyed only the sound of the other kids doing their homework scribbling down different things that they had to do. Everything seemed much more peaceful without Ron and Harry there.</p><p>"Why are you writing down notes about Felix Felicis, Hermione?" Harry asked as he looked over her shoulder.</p><p>"Do you mind?" Hermione snapped.</p><p>"Sorry, I was just wondering."</p><p>"Sorry, Harry, I just fell stressed and I don't know why." She lied. "I've just been doing some research on the potion and I'm just trying to figure out the ins and outs of it."</p><p>"But we're supposed to start Felix Felicis next week, Mione," Ron said as he put his feet on the table, embracing the heat of the fireplace.</p><p>"I'm just learning up about it just in case Professor Slughorn asks questions in class about it." Hermione closed her book and put it to the side. </p><p>Harry pulled out his potions book and Hermione looked over his shoulder as he flipped through the note covered pages. She saw the elegant handwriting that she so recognized, but she didn't know who it belonged to. She looked at the notes and descriptions written on the pages as Harry practically hogged the book.</p><p>"What does Levicorpus do?" Hermione asked as she saw the spell scribbled at the bottom.</p><p>Harry snapped the book shut and smiled at Hermione. He grabbed his bag and left in a swift movement.</p><p>"What was that about?" Hermione asked Ron.</p><p>"I don't know."</p><p>There was an awkward silence. Hermione and Ron sat there looking into the fire. </p><p>Hermione wanted to leave and already get to the Room of Requirements but she knew she had to wait for ten, Draco wouldn't come earlier. She felt the awkwardness radiating off of Ron's body and she decided she would leave to her dormitory to study more up on Felix Felicis.</p><p>"I'll see you at dinner," Hermione said as she grabbed her bag and walked up the stairs to the girl's dormitories.</p><p>Ron sat there wishing he would get a chance with Hermione. <em>Maybe one day, </em>he thought. He held onto the hope that maybe Hermione liked him back. He knew he was stupid for thinking it but there was a part of him that just knew he was right. </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0029"><h2>29. Potion Making</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>September 1996</b>
</p><p>Dinner went by fairly quickly. She was able to sit with Ginny and ignore the boys as they sat next to each other whispering to one another. She didn't feel left out at all as Ginny told her all about Dean Thomas and how he was taking her to Hogsmeade the next weekend. Hermione nodded and responded with short answers as she just wanted to get away from everyone.</p><p>Once dinner was done she left without saying a word to anyone and went up to her dormitory to work on some papers she had due. She didn't want to talk to anyone, she didn't know if she could. Recently Hermione had been feeling differently around her friends, they didn't seem like home. She didn't know what it was but she felt a little lost even when she laughed with Harry and Ron or gossiped with Ginny. She used to always find comfort in her friend's arms and now it was odd, it was like there was a hole in her chest that they used the hold. She felt off and she knew it was probably just her mind running at a million miles a minute but she always thought about it. </p><p>She sat on her bed as Lavender Brown came in with Parvati Patil. They sat on one of the beds and she decided to listen in on their stupid teenage girl conversation.</p><p>"Did you see the way Ron looked at me?" Lavender said as she pulled her hair into a ponytail.</p><p>"Yes, he is totally in love with you," Parvati responded.</p><p>"I'm so glad he's actually looking at me like I exist to him," she squealed.</p><p>Hermione rolled her eyes and kept scribbling down notes instead of doing her homework. </p><p>"Lav, you <em>know </em>he's going to ask you to Hogsmeade, right?" </p><p>"Of course, who could resist me?" She laughed.</p><p>Hermione grabbed her books and parchment and left out of the dormitory. She was done with all the girlie gossip and the way they spoke so highly of themselves. She knew they never really did anything to do so but that was just their self-absorbed brains. </p><p>She got to the common room and saw Harry and Ron on the couch doing their school. She brought her things over and sat by the table. She saw Harry nudge Ron and Ron communicated something with his eyes, this annoyed Hermione.</p><p>"What?" she asked.</p><p>"Ron wants to tell you something," Harry said with a mischievous look on his face.</p><p>"I don't," Ron said as his face turned red.</p><p>"Ron, just go," Harry said through his teeth.</p><p>"Fine." Ron looked at Hermione and said, "Can I talk to you for a second?" </p><p>Hermione nodded, giving in. She wasn't going to fight him but she kind of just wanted to be left alone in her thoughts even though the common room wouldn't be a good place to be left alone.</p><p>Hermione followed Ron till they were in the very farthest corner of the common room where Fred and George used to hang out. She looked up at him and his face and ears were red out of what looked like embarrassment.</p><p>"Hermione, um. . . this is weird for me but I've talked to Harry-" she cut him off.</p><p>"You want me to leave the two of you alone? You're telling me we can't be friends?" She almost seemed shocked by it. She never thought that they would do this to her, they couldn't.</p><p>"No, Mione-"</p><p>"I can't believe you, Ronald!" She whispered loudly. "I thought you guys actually wanted me around! I can't believe this!"</p><p>"Hermione-"</p><p>"Call me Granger, you have no right to call me Hermione!"</p><p>"Please stop yelling." His features were worried and Hermione didn't care.</p><p>"Why should I?" </p><p>"B-because I like you," Ron said.</p><p>"Wha-"</p><p>Ron's lips were suddenly on hers and she was slightly mad at the fact that she didn't get time to process anything. He was kissing her and she couldn't believe it. She had a thing for Ron in second year but since then it had gone away, but here she was. In the common room. Ron kissing her.</p><p>She kissed him back as he cupped her jaw and started to kiss her with a little more passion. She put her hands around his neck and let his lips move against hers. He moved his hand from her cheek to her waist and pulled her closer. She felt his hand tighten upon her waist and she broke apart from him with a wild expression.</p><p>"What time is it?" she asked as he removed his hands from her hips and she put her hands down to her side.</p><p>Ron looked at the clock on the wall and said, "Nine thirty."</p><p>"I have to go," she said quickly. "Harry, can I use your cloak?"</p><p>"Sure, I have it here, Dumbledore said I need to take it everywhere." Harry pulled the invisibility cloak out of his pocket and Hermione grabbed it and then her bag and walked out of the common room leaving Ron and Harry confused.</p><p>She went down the halls quietly. No one was patroling and she was thankful for that. She knew she was under Harry's invisibility cloak but she didn't want to risk being caught at all.</p><p>She couldn't believe that Ron just kissed her. Ron? Of all people he was the last person, she'd expect to make a move on her. He was always one to insult her or make fun of her and then ask for forgiveness. Ron always joked around about her being smart and he never seemed like the person to kiss her. She didn't know how she felt about it because she didn't like Ron in that way but she kissed him back. Why? She didn't know why her first reaction to Ron kissing her to kiss him back and she cursed herself for it because she knew she shouldn't lead him on. A small part of the kiss felt wrong. Well, most of it did. It was like the smooth lips of Draco and he was more careful than Draco. </p><p><em>Stop thinking about Draco</em>, Hermione thought as she approached the Room of Requirements.</p><p>She took a second under the cloak and took a couple of deep breaths. She knew she needed to calm her nerves before helping Draco because he was mainly just irritable. Draco annoyed her but all she wanted to do was help him. She wanted to help the blond-haired boy with making liquid luck even though she had no clue why he needed it. And did she care? No, she couldn't care less about why he needed it, she knew how to make it and she was going to help.</p><p>The door appeared in front of her for the room and she pushed the heavy door open to reveal the room full of towers of books, chairs, or whatever people had dropped here for safekeeping. It was cluttered and messy and it had an eerie feeling to it.</p><p>She walked through the maze of stacks of items and found her way to the cabinet that Draco looked at last time. She looked around and saw a large cauldron there. She took her bag and placed it on the couch that was suddenly there. </p><p>There were a couple of footsteps and Hermione turned around to see Draco standing there with his hands in his pockets, looking at the ground. He walked by Hermione without another look and walked up to the cauldron and placed his book down right next to it. </p><p>"Are we ready to start?" Draco asked quietly. His voice sounded as if he had just woken up.</p><p>"Yes," Hermione said confidently as she grabbed her bag and brought the ingredients over to the cauldron. She pulled them slowly out and placed them down next to the cauldron. </p><p>She realized Draco was much closer to her than she expected and she forced herself to stay where she was. She felt Draco's hand touch her shoulder and she turned to look at the boy who was more tired than she thought. His blond hair was messy and falling into his grey eyes which were wild with circles under them. He was disheveled and she just noticed that his shirt was untucked. </p><p>"Draco?" she asked while inspecting the boy's face that was now held between her hands.</p><p>He didn't respond and he just looked at her with those tired eyes.</p><p>Hermione felt terrible because first of all, she didn't know what to do. She never had to deal with Draco Malfoy looking like this in general or just at her. She never was one to talk to Draco or get to know him because of what he would call her and what he would do to her friends. She never liked Draco in general but she pitied this boy even though she didn't know what was going on in his personal life.</p><p>He realized that she was watching his every reaction and he hardened his eyes and said, "I'm fine."</p><p>He turned back towards the cauldron and started to weigh the ingredients.</p><p>"You need to see Madam Pomfrey, Draco, you don't look well at all." Hermione joined him by summoning a vial.</p><p>"I'm fine, Granger," he murmured.</p><p>"Okay, you're fine," she said. She looked down at the mess that Draco was making and how his hands shook as he did so. She raised an eyebrow as he tried to control his shakes in his hands. The tremors concerned Hermione for the most part.</p><p>She put her things down and grabbed both of his hands. "Draco, you're shaking," she said. </p><p>"I'm fine," he said through his teeth as he pulled his hands away from hers.</p><p>"You are not. Now sit down, let me see if I can help."</p><p>She grabbed his hands and guided him to the couch and sat him down. His legs started to bounce up and down and Hermione knew he was probably just impatient and wanted to continue making the potion.</p><p>"What happened?" she asked. She held onto his hands and they shook in hers. She looked at him with all seriousness and he seemed to notice.</p><p>"Just something," he answered.</p><p>"I <em>need </em>to know what actually happened, Draco, or else I can't help you."</p><p>His grey eyes flickered to her brown ones and he rolled his eyes and with a huff, he gave in.</p><p>"I was in an argument with Theo and he used a jinx on me and it just made my hands shake that's it," he lied.</p><p>Hermione could tell he was lying but she decided not to push it. She grabbed her wand and whispered a spell that would help him calm down and stop his hands from shaking. She learned it from Madam Pomfrey because she knew Harry, Ron, and she got into all sorts of trouble and it would be helpful to know at least a couple of spells.</p><p>"You really should be more careful," she said as she faced him.</p><p>"I'm trying but you don't get it, it's not that easy," he answered.</p><p>"It would be easy if you didn't get into fights or provoke people. It <em>is </em>your own fault that these things happen to you. You need to learn how to stop yourself from reacting the way you do."</p><p>"What way do I react?"</p><p>Hermione could see the anger and curiosity in his eyes as they seemed to have been digging into her soul. </p><p>"Harshly. You can't calm down or react calmly in general. Every time someone says or does something you don't like you always snap at them, you need to learn how to stop."</p><p>"But you don't mind that about me, do you?" His eyes softened and he tucked a curl behind Hermione's ear and she looked down as quickly as she could.</p><p>"You haven't really done any of that this year." She looked up at him and accidentally through her lashes. His features grew calmer as she looked at him that way</p><p>"Do you want me to?" he whispered into her ear.</p><p>"No," she breathed.</p><p>She turned her face a little and she was so close to his lips. She could feel his breath fan her face. She knew that if she kissed him again that she would enjoy it more than she should. She was supposed to like the boys who treated her right like how Ron would but she also knew that if she gave in that she would feel happier.</p><p>He leaned in closer to Hermione and kissed her lips lightly. Her heart rate quickened and he smirked a little bit at her sudden fluster. Hermione moved in closer and kissed his soft lips. He was soft as they started to move their lips together in sync. </p><p>She liked this feeling better. It felt more right than kissing Ron and now she actually had someone to compare Draco to when kissing him and Draco was much better. He was softer and he seemed to understand her more. He always put the right amount of passion into a kiss that Ron didn't know how to control. </p><p>Draco's hands found Hermione's waist and he pulled her closer. She gladly came close enough to where she was straddling his lap. She had her hands tangled in his hair and he kept his hands on her lips. He didn't go too fast when kissing her but more slowly as to savor the moment and Hermione liked that. </p><p>"I don't wanna do anything," she said as she rested her head against his forehead.</p><p>"That's fine with me, Granger," he said as he lifted her chin so he could kiss her again. </p><p>He once again moved slowly against her lips. His hands made their way to rest on her ass. She moved her hands through his hair and down to his chest. She was pressed against him and yet he wasn't taking it any farther which surprised Hermione but at the same time didn't.</p><p>Draco's lips felt good on hers. He was careful and not forceful. Why did everything feel so much better with Draco? Why was Hermione enjoying Draco's company more than Ron's? All these unanswered questions and she didn't care. She didn't care about Ron, she pushed him to the depths of her mind and just thought about Draco.</p>
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<a name="section0030"><h2>30. Tutor Session</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>October 1996</b>
</p><p>She didn't tell Ginny or Harry or Ron about <em>anything </em>she and Draco were doing. She knew that if Ron and Harry knew that they would probably come at her and attack her for doing <em>anything</em> with Draco. She couldn't trust them with the information she used to be able to, she was trapped in this world of secrets and lies. She wasn't able to come forward and say a thing. Ginny would probably be hard on her or cut her off entirely and she was in no mindset to be dropped by her friends. She felt a little lost if she was being honest. This year had been so confusing already and her grades were going down in her classes because she spent so much time doing research for Draco. </p><p>People would say that Hermione was doing everything and Draco was on the side not working at all. Draco <em>trusted</em> Hermione to help him fix the cabinet. Draco willingly gave his trust to a muggleborn Gryffindor. What a crazy world Hermione was living in. She never thought in a billion years that Draco would <em>ever </em>trust somebody. He always seemed like the boy who was closed off and never talked to even his friends. Draco was still closed off if Hermione was being perfectly honest. He never told her what she was working towards and she was fine with that. </p><p>That's why Hermione felt so off. She wasn't used to not being able to tell her friends anything, she was used to being open and upfront about her problems. She wasn't doing well in classes and she wasn't paying attention because her mind kept wandering to Draco in the Room of Requirements working away on his task. She hated the fact that she was letting Professors down but if she was being honest, she couldn't give a single fuck. She did her best while balancing other things. She had already been pulled over multiple times to be talked to about her grades.</p><p>Sitting in class was the worst, especially with Ron as her partner in potions. She and Ron hadn't really talked about the kiss between them and Hermione had no intention to. Ron had tried to talk to her but she quickly turned it off. She had to keep herself focused on helping Draco and she couldn't let Ron or Harry distract her in the slightest. She hated that she had to distance herself but things had to be done to help the boy. She loved Ron and Harry and they were <em>always </em>asking why she was so distant and so every time they did that she distanced herself more.<br/><br/>"Hermione, can I talk to you after class?" Ron asked. He was normally quiet for Hermione but on occasion, he'd speak. Hermione always telling him that she couldn't talk and stuff made him quiet and she always appreciated the fact that Ron knew Hermione was just being awkward about the whole situation.</p><p>"Sure," Hermione muttered and turned back to her notes as Professor Flitwick kept talking away about Charms. </p><p>Hermione's mind wandered and she found herself staring out the window, wondering if Draco was actually working or if he was just sitting there doing nothing and being lazy. She didn't need to think about Ron or anyone for that matter. She couldn't even think about anyone except Draco. She had spent nights working away at that fucking cabinet. Stolen kisses and little winks at each other. Let's just say Draco opened up a little bit to Hermione and she was thankful for that. She couldn't imagine what her life would be like if Draco didn't tell her little things or about the cabinet. She'd probably be spending her days with Harry and Ron, trying to find out who this <em>Half-Blood Prince </em>was.</p><p>Class finished and Hermione grabbed her bag and slung it over her shoulder, moving swiftly towards the door. She <em>needed </em>to check on Draco. She hadn't gotten any ideas for ways to fix the cabinet in class but she just needed to see if he was making progress or at <em>least </em>try to convince him to go to a class. </p><p>She felt a hand wrap around her wrist and she turned around to see Ron with a red face. His freckles were very prominent now and when he looked at Hermione his ears would turn as red as his hair which was always cute but Hermione couldn't get her mind off of Draco.</p><p>"What?" she asked. She tightened her grip on her bag that was around her shoulder and Ron dropped her wrist and led her down the corridor and Hermione followed slowly.</p><p>Ron turned when they were semi-secluded in the corridor. There were a few people walking by but no one really paid attention to the bushy-haired girl and the redhead who was blushing like crazy.</p><p>"About the kiss," Ron said as he rubbed his neck nervously.</p><p>"Look, Ronald, I'm sorry for not saying anything but I've been <em>really </em>busy and I simply don't know what to say," Hermione said. She kept her hand tight on her bag and slowly tapped her foot on the floor to show her impatience.</p><p>"I know, Mione, but we have to talk to about this. I want to know if you feel the same way about me? If you don't that's totally understandable and you have every right not to, but I need to know." Ron's words came out so fast that Hermione had a hard time understanding what he was saying but somehow she took in every word of what he was saying and understood perfectly.</p><p>"Ronald, I love you, but not like that. You're my best friend and I just— I can't see you any other way." Ron's face fell at those words. "Ron, you are amazing but I don't want to ruin this friendship, I can't. Imagine what it would do to Harry—"</p><p>"I've talked to Harry about this, Hermione, and he said he'd be <em>super</em> happy for us, but you don't feel the same way and that's okay, I understand. I <em>really </em>like you and I don't want to ruin our friendship either. Friends?" Ron stuck out his hand for Hermione to shake and she looked down at the hand.</p><p>She felt guilty for doing this to Ron but she can't just pretend she feels things when she doesn't. She would rather not be in a relationship with Ron if she kind of had feelings for Draco Malfoy, kind of not fully. She wouldn't want to be in a relationship where her partner didn't love her or even like her in the way she liked them. She didn't want that to happen to Ron. He was her best friend and she was being honest by that. She loved Ron but just as a friend and she didn't like the feeling of kissing him. She wanted Draco's soft lips instead of Ron's. She remembered Ron's hands on her hips and squeezing them, causing her to remember Draco doing that, and then everything past that moment she thought about Draco when she was around Ron. She couldn't do this to Ron but Ron liked her.</p><p>It was a very internal struggle that she was pushing through. You never understand pain until you have to reject your best friend. It hurt but Hermione could never. She wasn't that type of person.</p><p>"I guess so," Hermione said as she grabbed her hand and looked into the boy's blue eyes that were trying to show happiness when all she could see was pain. She felt horrible.</p><p>"Miss Granger!" Professor McGonagall called and Hermione dropped Ron's hand quickly and turned to see her favorite professor striding towards her.</p><p>"Yes, Professor McGonagall?" Hermione said. </p><p>"My office please." She strode past Ron and Hermione and eyed Ron and he quickly left without saying a word.</p><p>Hermione watched the redhead leave and she felt even more guilty than before. She never intended to hurt her friends by doing things with Draco Malfoy, yet, here she was, ruining friendships slowly but surely.</p><p>Hermione followed Professor McGonagall towards her office and walked into the office. There was a brown-haired girl there, probably in fourth year and Professor Snape standing behind her with his arms crossed across his chest, looking annoyed. But to tell the truth when did Severus Snape ever not look annoyed?</p><p>"Hello, Professor Snape," Hermione said.</p><p>McGonagall ushered her arm towards a chair and Hermione quickly slipped in and looked at the Slytherin who was dressed a little differently than others. She was clearly trying to be cool. Her shirt was untucked, tie loose and her skirt seemed a little too short.</p><p>Snape nodded and then McGonagall started to speak. </p><p>"Miss Granger, this is Astoria Greengrass and she's been having trouble in her classes and Professor Snape and I was wondering if you could tutor the girl."</p><p>Hermione looked at the girl who had a little smile on her face. She looked up towards the ceiling and seemed to be suppressing a laugh for some reason. Hermione could see Snape glaring at the girl, clearly annoyed at her cheerfulness.</p><p>"What classes would Astoria need me to tutor her in?" Hermione asked as she fixed her skirt, uncomfortable by the fact that Astoria was looking at Hermione and biting her lip with her eyes trailing to her legs. Horny fourth years.</p><p>"Potions, Transfiguration, Charms, Defense Against the Dark Arts and Arithmancy," Professor McGonagall said in a disapproving tone. Clearly, she had seen Astoria looking at Hermione like she was a fucking snack.</p><p>"But, Professor, that's basically <em>every </em>subject and I have my own studies to do." Hermione also needed time to help Draco with the cabinet and she didn't want to disappoint Draco. She also did need a little bit of time to work on her own school work.</p><p>"You are excused from your studies. I have seen your grades and they are quite impressive. As long as you keep participating in class you should pass and I will talk to your other Professors about it."</p><p>Hermione knew that being let off for her studies would give her more time to work with Draco but that also meant that she had to spend an hour or two a day tutoring a fourth-year who was creeping her out a little bit.</p><p>"I don't know what to say—"</p><p>"I do," Astoria said. Her voice was sweet and it didn't come off rudely. She sounded the exact opposite of whatever she was wearing. "I just need to pass these classes so my parents can see I'm doing good. Please, Granger, <em>please</em> I need your help. I swear to Merlin that if I don't pass these classes, I probably won't even be allowed to come back to Hogwarts."</p><p>"You know your parents wouldn't do that," Professor Snape said. His monotone voice filled the room and sent shivers down Hermione's spine.</p><p>"You don't know my parents, they are very serious about academics," she said. She almost whispered it and pretended that Snape didn't hear a word she just said. He didn't even seem affected by what she had said when <em>clearly </em>he had heard her.</p><p>"Miss Greengrass, please let Miss Granger have a chance to figure this out, she is my student and she can choose whether or not she wishes to help you," Professor McGonagall cut in.</p><p>"It's okay, Professor," Hermione said. She turned to the girl whose brown eyes were glistening with excitement. "I'll help. Thank you, Professor. When do we start?"</p><p>"Tomorrow, you are excused."</p><p>Hermione got out of her seat and left as quickly as she could. She moved down the long corridors. She navigated herself to the Room of Requirements. She looked down the corridor to make sure no one was watching before she paced back and forth three times and the door appeared. She got in quickly and closed the door behind her.</p><p>She heard soft snores fill the air and she dropped her bag and made her way towards the cabinet. She walked quietly and saw Draco passed out on a couch. His hair was a mess and his arm was hanging off the side of the couch. Hermione felt horrible because he hadn't been sleeping and nothing would help him sleep. She just wanted to help the boy and know what was going on. </p><p>She leaned down and kissed his forehead and his grey eyes fluttered open.</p>
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